


Surreal

by Squiddly



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Asura is a stalker, F/M, Insanity meets Serenity, Or maybe just a major crush, Pre-Soul Eater, Soul Eater - Freeform, Unrequited Love, Weaponsexual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-07-22 05:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squiddly/pseuds/Squiddly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unlike you, he knew the moment you were born that you would be the one to subdue his erratic soul. As you grew up, you were drawn to him like a magnet's pull. When you were finally given the chance to save him, it changed everything. </p><p>At least for a little while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clarity

**Author's Note:**

> This is a ReaderxAsura story I whipped up the other day. It's all written as of now, just hammering out a couple of kinks here and there to get it finished. It may or may not go up a rating in later chapters, but for now T is safe. Just remember, as with anything involving Asura, this will probably get a little dark in some spots. 
> 
> The song lyrics are from Clarity by Zedd. Enjoy!

_If our love is insanity,_  
_Why are you my clarity?_  
  


* * *

 

You were traded out for other weapons all of the time. You were something different. The others were powerful, but you were not. 

You were born without a trace of madness. You were entirely logical, and you were a flute. A creation of your witch mother and meister father. Of course your father hadn’t exactly known your mother was a witch until after you were born, but that was another story entirely.

Your silly skill was nearly useless in the fighting realm. That’s why you were so confused by Lord Death's latest command. Why would he want to pair you with his son? He seemed so quiet, and scared and strong; it didn't make sense for him to need someone like you.  
  
The monochrome young man always covered himself, hiding from the world without violence. It was hard to see where you fit into the equation. But, the moment you touched the back of his shoulder for the first time, you felt it.

The madness. 

The next thing you felt was his fist crushing your stupid, curious face inside out.

  
Nearly as instantaneously he was standing over you with a scarf dropped from his eyes, gold, wide and fearful. Silent apology glowed in their depths, you held your bleeding face and tried your best to give a forgiving smile, but your bleeding teeth kind of ruined the affect. It had been years since you saw his face. After that it was all creepy scarves and vertical eyes and layers upon layers of clothes.  
  
There was remorse in those golden eyes when he saw the deep split in your lip as your tongue ran over the crevasse to soak up some of the blood.  
  
You sighed. This was going to be impossible.  
  
You'd never met someone so timid in your life. But, Lord Death trusted you to help his son so you would do everything in your power to get him 'back on the right track'. Whatever _that_ meant.  
  
"Hey Athura." Your messed up voice came behind your hands with a muted laugh toward the pain. He swallowed.

You extended your hand hoping he'd help you up after punching you so damn hard but instead he just stared at your hand like a feral animal. You let out another heavy sigh and pulled yourself to your feet.  _He’s not rude, he’s just really, really skittish._ Or at least that’s what you told yourself.  
  
You took a swig from the water bottle attached to your hip, swished and spat the blood from your mouth to make sure no teeth broke under the impact before looking up to the man before you, "Your dad asked me to come watch you train with Vajra."  
  
At first he just stared at you, searching for an ulterior motive, but when you sighed and wiped the blood from your quickly swelling split lips he finally choked a quiet, "Sorry for that."  
  
You smiled delicately as not to hurt yourself, "Don't worry about it." Noticing his lack of a partner you tilted your head a little, "Are you here alone?"  
  
You knew very well that Vajra was not going to make it today; it was all part of the ploy. Asura shivered. He wasn't the greatest fan of his own weapon. They were so unlike most technicians and weapons. Your technician was your closest friend and companion, you couldn't even imagine another way.  
  
Weary of your question, he shelled back up. You were too curious for his comfort. Your eyes grew soft and he seemed to soften with you, just as you expected him to. "Well, since your weapon is late do you want to learn how to make illusions like me?"  
  
"N-no. I'll just wait for—" He stuttered slightly as you grabbed his elbow.

  
He had already touched you. Stage one was already complete. You were not about to lose out on this perfect opportunity.  
  
"You'll do great! I promise! I won't even tell Vajra you cheated on him." You winked over your shoulder and pulled him along until you reached a flat spot in the grass. You held up one finger as you explained, "Now watch, I'm going to fall into a state of meditation. Feel for my soul's wavelength, it will feel like gentle ocean waves. Grip it, and then, well, I'll explain it when you get that far."

  
You sat down with your ankles crossed right in front of his feet then patted the spot in front of you. He looked around nervously before following suit, his lanky limbs reminded you of a thin-legged spider as he folded himself as small as he could get. His scarves were back in place with those painted eyes staring at you unblinkingly. You could tell he was looking for any excuse to escape.  
  
When he got to your level you realized how incredibly tall he was, it was hard to judge when he was standing because he was always nervously twiddling or pacing. Even now he was crouched and slouched and he was still very much taller than you. His gloved hands were braced on his knees as if he was ready to spring away, they had vertical eyes drawn on them just like his scarves.  
  
You felt your heart fall heavily. You truly enjoyed seeing his face in close quarters no matter how brief, it meant he trusted you enough to look at him without judgment. When he put them back up it felt like he was slamming a door in your face. So you got to work and snatched his hands before he could pull them away, lacing your fingers with his. He went very still like a deer caught in your sights. Not a muscle moved but you could sense that he had already begun searching for your soul, so he was probably feeling the effects of your very special weapon ability.  
  
You were a rare being. You could pull a suicidal person out of depression; you could reach into a persons very soul and remove all fear and anxiety.  
  
Well, usually.  
  
In this case you were at a loss.  
  
You'd never felt something like Asura's soul before. It was a hornet’s nest of anxiety and fear and insanity. Nothing about his soul was normal, and you'd felt a demon’s soul before so that was really saying something. He sat still with your hands around his as you probed his soul, reeling in all the bits and pieces of his anxiety that you could. It was like bailing out a sinking ship with a suitcase. You had to pick up the shattered pieces of his sanity, pack them away carefully, and then transfer them into your own mind. But there was only so much you could handle at any given time and eventually you had to release him, falling back onto your hands to keep from collapsing. His hands hovered over your upper arms protectively as you caught your breath; a drop of sweat traveled along your hairline to your chin then fell onto your shirt.  
  
His voice was quiet, delicate even, as he spoke over the top of your head, "how did you do that?"  
  
"Lord Death asked me to try something to help you with your anxiety," You admitted solemnly. "But I don't think it worked."  
  
You looked up at his face above.  _His face_.  _Not_  those creepy scarves.  _Not_  hand drawn black vertical eyes.  _Gold eyes_. Gold eyes were open and bright and  _looking right at you_. No color had ever appeared so beautiful before in your whole long life. Maybe you just hadn't been able to get this close before but you could see now that his eye color was striated with dark browns and ambers bursting from the pupil, fading toward the edges to a pale yellow. But that wasn't all;  _everything_  was more crisp. Every color was brighter; every dark hair on his head was as individual as a snowflake with broken white lines that fell just above his eyes. You swept your gaze around the field to catch shades of green and colorful hues you'd never been able to see before. 

How beautiful the world was through the eyes of a madman. 

Speaking of... 

You lifted your gaze back to your patient. Oh the way he looked at you almost broke your heart. You'd never seen him so vulnerable.

  
"I'm sorry." You tried to shift back, away from his floating hands and the inviting sensation of his erratic aura, but they fell softly as a blanket around your shoulders and held you in place.  _Asura_  of all people in the world, was waiting to hear  _your_  voice. _Asura_ , of all people, was _touching you_. You bit your lip. You couldn't look at him knowing you failed him and Lord Death. You'd been so confident, too. Your new sense of sight set onto the blades of grass and the small bright bugs crawling over them. Asura was simply too complex for you to fix. "I'm sorry that I can't help you."  
  
He was still staring at you with that same vulnerable look when you peered up at him from under your lashes. His voice was still timid, but this time he had a bit of amazement tucked into his tone, "When can you do that again?"  
  
Your chin tilted to give him a slightly bewildered look as you tried not to become mesmerized by his eye color again. Honestly? You had never needed to use your ability more than once on the same patient before so you weren’t positive. But you rendered a guess, "Um, probably tomorrow or the following day. That was kind of hard on me."  
  
"You're really a weapon?"  
  
The way he stared at you unblinkingly was unnerving, but you were absolutely not going to tell him to stop. You needed his subtle trust for this to work, and it didn't hurt that you were finding his face more attractive the longer you looked at him. You tried to shake the thought and replaced it with something more pragmatic. Maybe working with him would help you develop your ability. You nodded in the affirmative with the slightest curve of a coy smile.  
  
Gold eyes flowed over the curve of your face like he was examining you. "Interesting. This, and your illusions?"  
  
He had watched you grow up; he knew everything there was to know about your abilities so you were somewhat surprised that he was only just learning about your ability to quell souls. Lord Death had been asking you to bring about peace on Earth for at least 20 years. Asura asked you a few deeper questions about how it worked and how you figured out that you were a weapon.  
  
Asura wasn't one to talk much so you couldn't help feeling a little flattered by the undivided attention. And a little embarrassed. Your boyfriend already hated when you took on individual cases like this because of how intimate they appeared. If he saw you and Asura right now you just knew a fight would be just around the corner. 

You tucked a bit of hair behind your ear to look busy. "I don't use illusions, not true illusions; they're dreams. I can manipulate anyone into doing what I want by entering their dreams, but it works in a deeply relaxed state too. You're not a relaxed person by nature so it's much more difficult to reach your sleeping state. I didn't want to invade you like that but I had to, it wouldn't have worked any other way. I swear on my life that I’ll never mislead you like that again." You smiled brightly, starting to sense what he was suggesting, "Was I able to penetrate your soul?"  
  
His eyes were still showing but he had lifted a hand from your shoulder to cover his mouth with a scarf as he nodded an affirmative.  
  
Your smile grew, but your lip split and blood burst into your mouth. You cradled your face with tears in your eyes and Asura jumped to his feet as if you’d hit him.  
  
Bright eyes wide as coins, his hand touched the middle of his chest and his voice grew so quiet you could barely hear him, "Fantastic. You touched my soul and I broke your teeth."  
  
You felt a twinge in your heart. You didn't want him to feel bad for hitting you when you knew how he'd react to your touch, you'd actually wanted him to, just maybe not quite so hard. "Don't be ridiculous.” You waved your hand at him, “I shouldn't have snuck up on you, plus I touched your soul without your consent. Let's call it even."  
  
The last thing he wanted was to agree to those terms, he felt terrible for hitting you but he also didn't want to go without the serenity of your soul. He never wanted to go without that feeling again. When you touched his soul everything just stopped. The crippling fear, the screaming anxiety that drove him to near madness, for just a moment it was all silent. It was the first time in his entire life he was able to feel the sensation of serenity. And it was beautifully addicting. Just hearing your voice was enough to put a damper on the madness, the closer he came the more powerful the sensation. 

  
"Lord Death has asked me to spend time with you to see if I can remove your fears, would you mind that? I don't want to intrude on your solitude if that makes you feel bette-"  
  
" _Don't leave_ ," he suddenly commanded, then added a quiet, "Please."  
  
It was actually kind of endearing the way he reacted to your ability. This tough, powerful, spindly man was so unsure of how to react to your sense of serenity. You were sure that he’d never experienced anything like it before. You let go of your slowly swelling face, "I'll stay with you as long as you want next time, but I am going to have to go get this stitched up." You started to stand and he took a hold of your elbow to help. Your gaze fell to his hand on your arm and the way it enveloped the whole joint. He was a very big person. But he wasn't intimidating at all. He was too jumpy to be intimidating.  
  
You followed the black and red lines of his outermost shirt with your eyes until your neck was crooked at a sharp angle, "Wow, you're way taller up close than I remembered."

Asura turned his head abruptly to the side, “There’s someone observing you from the tree line.”  
  
How he knew that they were looking at _you_ rather than _him_ , you'd never know. But you did peek around Asura's arm to see a figure approaching. A man was watching the pair of you from the edge of the clearing with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, kicking rocks as he sauntered close. The smile that you'd initially intended for Asura instead widened at the silhouette. You waved broadly, "Hey Akira!"  
  
The figure waved back before spitting out his cigarette. 

To Asura this felt like an invasion on what had just become the most precious few minutes of his life. To say he was displeased would be a colossal understatement. 

You looked back to him to find his scarves all back in place, all of his muscles were tense. He was ready to fight, but that was the last thing you needed to deal with right now.  
  
"That's Akira. He’s my meister. Don't worry though, he's about as scary as a newborn kitten." You explained with a smirk, but it didn't calm Death's Fragment. You sighed and moved around Asura to reach your long time boyfriend. 

As soon as you looked back Asura seemed to disappear. You felt your heart sink again. Another door  ~~closed~~   _slammed_.

At least Akira didn't appear to mind getting his girl to himself and he dropped a kiss to your forehead as he took your hand, the blonde was about as casual as they came.   
  
"Did that guy fuck up your face?" He asked while clipping the last stitch in your busted lip.

"Yeah but I actually planned for it to happen. I needed him to make physical contact with me in order to forge the initial link. It was much easier to get him to talk to me than I thought it would be after his fist connected with my face."

“If you keep switching technicians on me I’m going to start calling you a pimp.” He laughed, checking on his handiwork with a thumb to your lower lip.

You told him about everything you'd been able to accomplish with Asura on the way home and throughout the whole walk to the city. It had always existed, at least that's what Death always said, but you thought he was just being cheeky. It was called Damascus, it was a holy city with orange and red stone buildings and a beautiful network of canals for quick travel. The stones and walkways were old and twisted. It reminded you of another ancient city, a human city called Amsterdam except about 10,000 times hotter. You two had settled here with the other humans about a hundred years ago. Lord Death was easy to find if you needed him though, all you needed was a mirror. He resided nearby in Jericho with Asura, presumably to keep him in check in case anything went wrong.

You’d never been on a case with Asura before, but you’d heard the rumors. It was said that he was more powerful than Lord Death himself, but you weren’t sold. He was perfectly gentle around you, he always had been.

As you walked through those old dusty streets your voice echoed and Akira nodded and "hm"ed in all the appropriate moments. You started rambling about monkeys and star ships and he kept nodding as if you were still talking about work. You glared. He was totally ignoring you! Akira was usually far more interested in your assignments, but this time he had a hard set mouth and rolled his eyes periodically. He always had a bit of a sore spot when it came to Asura. He felt like it was 'cheating' that he was created so powerful, rather than being born by a human mother and learning to find strength like Akira had.  
  
"You can't fault him for his manner of birth, plus he has some serious anxiety issues you couldn't even begin to comprehend." You explained, your voice felt more exasperated with each syllable. "You'd be a loner too if you were terrified of everything."  
  
Akira rolled his eyes, "I don't get why you're so interested, the guy is straight up retarded."  
  
You punched Akira in the shoulder with enough oomph to leave a bruise. "Cut that out! He's just different."  
  
He rubbed his arm with a grouch face, "Different a.k.a.  _retarded_."  
  
God he was such an asshole sometimes.  
  
"Just stop." His sneer dropped at your terse tone. "He's just difficult to reach and I'm going to be spending a lot of time with him for the foreseeable future so quit being a jerk."  
  
Akira held up his hands defensively before pulling the door open before you to walk through. He was making you dinner, but that didn't mean you had to suppress your glare as you passed. He sighed and followed you.  
  
"Can we be done fighting? 'Cause I really want to just have a nice dinner and seduce you into bed."  
  
You rolled your eyes as you lowered to your seat and flipped open your book to hid your face. You were still annoyed but it was passing quickly, it was hard to stay mad at Akira and his devilish grin.  
  
Everything went without a hitch and by the end of the night Akira had you under his arm giggling into his side as you walked to the canal to skip rocks. If you weren't smiling at the way your boyfriend's eyes lit with sarcasm as you joked with him you might have heard the sound of a glass heart shattering from across the street.  
  
Asura hadn't realized that you were busy tonight. It wasn't your fault and he knew that, but he was distinctly embarrassed to see you with that guy. To Asura, it was easy to see why you loved Akira. He was bright like the sun in the morning and he could make you smile with such ease. You didn't know how hard it was for him to talk to you earlier in the day or the way you made him feel when you used your ability on him. It wasn’t your fault that he didn’t ask whether or not you were available tonight, it wasn’t even your fault that he had this piercing pain in his heart.

It wasn't your fault that the little bunch of flowers growing wild and beautiful on his earlier case to Faiyum had reminded him of you. It wasn't your fault that he wanted to show them to you.

He crushed the soft little things in a fist when you leaned up to kiss that guy.

It wasn't your fault that he was desperate for your attention, but he blamed you anyway.


	2. Shatter Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling ft. Lzzy Hale

_Somebody shine a light_  
_I'm frozen by the fear in me_  
_Somebody make me feel alive_  
_And shatter me_

 

Holding your father's hand and swinging them together as you hummed a happy tune you saw a tall man standing to the side of the street watching you. His face was all covered in wraps with eyes on them but that didn't stop you from releasing your father’s hand and running toward him with all of the coordination of a five year old.  
  
You waved before pushing his leg as hard as you could. He tilted his head curiously before dropping the wraps from his face, he didn't want to scare you away.  
  
"What are you doing, little girl?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow as you struggled to push him back a step.  
  
You frowned up at him as if it should be obvious, "You stepped on a flower! I need to save him!"  
  
Asura lifted his shoe to confirm the flower massacre beneath. Your little hands raked them all together into a ball and held it to your chest before looking back up to the dark haired man above with a little frown. He crouched down to your level to apologize and you pushed the ball of broken flowers into his hands, "You need these."  
  
Asura chuckled, accepting them, "what for?"  
  
"You feel sad," was all you could say before your father came up behind you and lifted you away with a warning glare to the demi god.  
  
As your father dragged you away you looked back a few times to see that tall, dark man following you with his eyes and the slightest curve of a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.  
  
You had no idea how much that small interaction meant to Asura. He kept one of those broken purple irises, it held sentimental value to him even if you hadn't meant anything by it. One day, when you were older, he would do everything in his power to shelter you from the evils of the world. But for now he would just have to feel the bareness of your absence and wait patiently.

…

"Hey!" You chased the flutter of a scarf around a building. "Wait!" You skid around the corner breathlessly to find no one. Your hands rested on your hips as you caught your breath with pinched brows and a disappointed frown.  
  
"Hello."  
  
Screaming, you spun and tumbled into the dirt with your arms flailing to catch yourself. You waited a beat to see if you were being axed to death by a murderer before opening one eye to see a wrapped face with three sketched vertical eyes staring down at you. You lowered your hands and smiled up at your friend, "Asura! You scared the death out of me!"  
  
His fingers twitched at his side, you took that as either a shy greeting or a twinge of embarrassment at frightening you. His soul pulsed when you grinned, you felt the thrill that always ran up your spine in his presence and suppressed a shiver.

He ducked his head slightly to let the scarf fall from his amused gold eyes, he wasn’t quite as nervous around you these days. He held out a gloved hand and you weren’t going let your shock keep you from grabbing it before he could change his mind. He pulled you to your feet like you weighed nothing and you laughed a little at the hair that fell over his eyes, squished down by his millions of scarves. With a few fingers you reached up slowly and moved them out of the way so he could see a little better. He closed his eyes when your fingers touched his skin and trembled just enough for you to notice. Jerking them away you apologized for the unwanted contact, but he gripped your hand and held it in place beside his eye.  
  
"No," he started with a quiet pause, "it's... nice."  
  
A blush dashed over your cheeks and you eased your hand from his gentle grip. "Since we’re both off today, do you want to see if we can make some more progress?"

Your only answer was an excited gleam in his eye as he followed your lead.

…

  
Akira  ~~didn't exactly enjoy~~   _fucking hated_  the time you spent with Asura.

Lord Death's kid just showed up out of nowhere one day as an anxiety ridden man who wouldn’t show anyone his eyes. A man who doesn't show his eyes always has something to hide and he didn't want his girlfriend involved with whatever he had hiding under those scarves.

You were sitting knee to knee with that freak, holding his hands in your lap. You didn't notice his face leaning in toward yours, but Akira’s fists tightened, planning to punch Asura right in his obnoxiously persistent face if he got too close. Well, that is, until Akira realized that you had made him fall asleep. He collapsed forward and you swung your arms to catch him. That monochromatic guy rested his head on your shoulder and you placed your hand on his chest with your eyes closed, feeling for his soul.  
  
Akira had to admit it, it was totally amazing to watch you do your thing. He always got a kick out of it. It worked on him the very first day you met and he'd been addicted to the affect ever since. You could calm anyone from a rampant fit of insanity. It even worked on witches. It was almost poetic. He'd seen you talk people out of suicide or walk into a room full of madmen and they’d fall into silence. You’d been Akira’s partner for a century, and his lover for a decade. But watching you over there with Asura he couldn’t help but feel that your affection had a fast approaching expiration date.

Something felt so wrong about all of this. You enjoyed it too much. He didn't like how forcefully you defended Asura from even the slightest bit of teasing, even when the weirdo was totally out of earshot.

You were gentle with Asura in a way no one else was. You had endless patience with him. Akira knew you still loved him, but for how much longer?

  
Akira watched your breathing grow heavy as if running a mile. Then the shuddering began. The man's blonde brows creased as he leaned onto his knees to look more closely. Your shirt grew damp with sweat and Akira considered going down there to break the contact so you could come out of it unscathed. But he knew better than to trap you in a coma... Again.  
  
You needed to come out of this state of your own volition or else become trapped indefinitely. 

The one time he interfered you ended up in a coma for a month. Your body would just sit there for eternity if you were not returned to it, and then you’d eventually whither away until your soul faded out of existence. It was a part of why Akira was determined to watch all of your sessions with Asura. If he chose to keep you, or if something got you stuck inside of his head, he could trap you there forever. And there would be no way for anyone to convince him to let you go. Not even Lord Death would be able to pry you free. Thankfully he hadn't yet realized that he could keep you imprisoned in his mind. Akira hoped it was a long time before he figured it out.

You suddenly pushed Asura back as hard as your body weight could allow, the whites of your eyes expanded before clouding with pink as a single tear fell from your left eye. Akira shifted his gaze to the lanky man across from you who had just come out of his own meditative state with tired golden eyes. For the first time, probably ever, Akira could see Asura's whole head as he pulled his scarves away.

Maybe you really were having a positive effect on him. Asura did have that retard-strength so someone had to keep him in line before he could annihilate the planet by accident or something else stupid.  
  
A rush of hot fury shot through Akira when Asura's bare fingertips swept across your cheek to catch your wayward tear.

The other main reason he wanted to watch all of your interactions with Asura was because of crap like that. Maybe you were blind, but Akira was not. You were something that Asura wanted badly and he was strong enough to hurt you if he decided to take you. It put Akira on edge to see you so comfortable in his presence; people were uncomfortable around Asura for a very good reason. But then he reminded himself that this was all part of the job; it was an act. You had to earn Asura’s trust to be effective.

Or, at least that’s what Akira told himself.  
  
From this perspective, across a clearing where the two of you fell into one another and touched each other’s souls, it appeared very intimate. It was incredibly frustrating for Akira to see his girlfriend so cozy with a psychopath.  
  
You took Asura's wrist in your hand and smiled up at him reassuringly.

That tear wasn't created out of sadness or pain. You were  _happy_. Happy in a way you'd never been before. You felt high, like you'd taken some wacky drug that made you feel invincible, colors were brighter, sounds were crisper. And Asura looked... calm. It was nice to see him so serene. You'd managed to quell some of the noise in his screaming soul and he truly appreciated it. Seeing him so at ease in your presence was telling of your ability's new strength. A month ago you never thought you'd be able to get him so relaxed for this long. Right now he was bordering on a full ten-minute stretch without any anxiety or fear, just a silly smile pulling the corners of his lips.  
  
You took a lot of pride in your work; you'd prevented many crimes and wars with your mere presence. But this felt like your greatest accomplishment, Lord Death would be so proud of you for helping his son. You wondered if it was possible to make this into a permanent change. As a flash of widening gold eyes were suddenly hidden behind those creepy scarves again you found yourself doubting it. Asura was a Fragment after all. A Fragment of Death, embodying all of his fears, he couldn't adapt like a child might. Something about that made you deeply unhappy. You took a deep breath to keep from dwelling on your disappointment toward Asura’s rapidly returning fear.

Then you saw what made Asura retract so quickly as Akira gave a light wave. You shot him a glare.

He didn't trust you near Asura. He didn't trust your ability to keep him calm. It was a tender spot in your relationship for the past month whenever you brought up your success. Akira thought it was pointless or that Asura was going to hurt you. But you were retaining your pride at this accomplishment whether Akira liked it or not.

  
You looked back to your friend, "So that was pretty successful I'd say.”  
  
Asura nodded like a child. He was still feeling the high from your ability.  
  
Another grin crossed your face, "Your soul’s wavelength makes me all loopy, I'm going to hang out here for a bit until it wears off a little. You can head out if you want."  
  
"He’s watching you again."  
  
Your eyes rolled, "Yeah, Akira thinks he has dominion over my every move."  
  
You couldn't see, but you got the sense that Asura was now staring at Akira over your shoulder by the way your boyfriend shifted his feet behind you.  
  
Asura was concerned for your safety, or, at least the safety of this newfound peace he treasured. It was sweet. You pretended not to notice Akira above you and whispered conspiratorially with a wink, "He's just a harmless stalker though."   
  
That got a very soft chuckle from the shinigami as he collected himself and began walking away from you and Akira, lifting off of the ground lightly, the tails of white scarves fluttering down his back as he took to the air. It made you a little jealous that he could fly and you were earthbound.  
  
Then you remembered, "Wait!" You waved to get his attention again. Asura looked over his shoulder and you added, "I'm going on a job tomorrow. We'll be gone for about a week, I hope you can manage without me." You gave him a teasing smirk. He didn't say anything, but you knew he had heard you before soundlessly taking off into the sky.  
  
Akira plopped himself down next to you with his own mischievous grin, "So if I wipe a tear from your cheek will you be that nice to me?"  
  
"I'll never be nice to you if you keep following me around like a creep.” You chided, “Asura is more delicate than you, it takes a softer touch to get him to come out of his shell. He would never hurt me, you'd know that if you could feel his soul's reaction to my..." You rolled your eyes at the tight expression on Akira's face, "Oh give me a break, he's a job, not a love rival."  
  
"That's not what it looked like from up there." Akira's blue eyes were set in that way that told you he was serious. "Maybe you think he's just a job but he doesn't feel the same way. Trust me, I’m a guy and I know what it’s like to feel your soul’s calming affect. It’s alluring in its own sensual little way.” He saw you starting to grow skeptical toward his nonchalance, “You just have to be careful. Asura's not used to people being this friendly with him. You might end up with a  _real_  stalker if you don’t play it right."  
  
"You mean a  _second_  stalker." You leered playfully before pausing to consider Akira’s concerns. "He’s a nice guy, if he had anything really dark in his soul I’m sure I'd feel it. Quit being a worrywart. Asura needs help and I just happen to be the perfect therapist for his situation."

"And I am _not_ leading him on, since I know that’s what you’re thinking."  
  
Back at your apartment you felt something was off. You weren't able to sleep much and your thoughts were with the wind. You were feeling nervous about this new job, it was going to take you away from home for longer than you liked and something about that made your stomach turn.

At least you'd have Akira. You weren't strong, you weren't the most outspoken character, and you had a hard time coming up with strategy on your own. That was all Akira. 

You were going to Egypt to settle a slave uprising, there was talk of rape and murder and Lord Death had a big problem with that. You were told to prevent these crimes, save those souls, and figure out the heart of the problem.

On this case, you were slow and sluggish, dragging your feet wherever you went. Your eyelids felt weighted. It felt like falling asleep with every heavy blink. You just wanted to go back home, everything felt so bland here. Akira was a little more than irritated when you could barely get yourself up on the eve of the rebellion, and became infuriated when your soul couldn’t resonate with his.

Something was _very_ off.  
  
It took a bit of patience, but you did eventually resonate with your technician and the pair of you got the case done easily and flawlessly. Well, aside from the gigantic gash in your arm from getting in the middle of a fight, a rebel cut you before throwing you across the room just before you could transform. But you sent a pulse of energy and it relaxed the situation without bloodshed even though Akira was already at the guy's throat. Then you two went for the culprit of the uprising, a witch was releasing waves of madness with some tool encouraging everyone in the empire to act on their base wants.

"Sweet girl, how does he taste?" You blushed and tried not to look at your partner. The witch slid her smile to Akira, "Oh ho ho! So _you_ are the one. Does our sweet girl taste as delicious as she looks?" Frightening, toxic green eyes swelled over your body suggestively.  
  
Akira’s face went hard and held out a hand, it was your soundless signal. You transformed instantly and he brought your flute's body to his lips to begin playing.  
  
The witch's face snarled as she lunged forward with her hand extended to use her magic, mumbling some rhyming mumbo-jumbo. But she fell short, dropping to her knees before Akira's feet with pain in her eyes, like the song was burning her as she grew closer to the sound. There, she muttered, "she _will_ return to us. Maybe it will take a century, perhaps a millennium, but one day Death’s grip will slip and Hell will reign once more!"  
  
Akira played a particularly sharp note and the witch fell to her face. The whole uprising around you had fallen; everyone was either asleep or in some kind of stupor. Akira delivered the deathblow and you ate the witch’s soul, it tasted like gluttony. _Yuck_.  
  
As the two of you left you couldn't resist asking about what the witch had insinuated, "What did she mean by 'she'll return to us'?” Akira’s shoulders squared and his eyes widened, unanswering. Your brows fell, “I know she was referring to me, but I'm not going to help them cause madness. I mean, just look at how much I've helped Asura! Why would I want to create _more_ insanity when I thrive in absorbing it?"  
  
A heavy sigh came from your partner as he looked to the sky, "I don't know."  
  
You smiled up at him and pushed him with a shoulder, "It'll be fine, I'm sure, but we should probably tell Lord Death what happened anyway." Akira nodded with a solemn expression. He knew more than he would admit and you didn't like it. You rubbed your injured arm with a scowl, damn rebels and their stupid knives.  
  
It was not fun seeing Asura again after that case. He was agitated when he gripped your hand and wrenched you close to examine the uneven stitching in your arm. He was transfixed on the wound on your upper arm and he was not letting it go without an explanation.  
  
"You walked all the way here without your partner, how many kilometers is that? 122? Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" He said with an edge, shaking his head, attempting to hold back his anxiety as he thought about you traveling alone all of that time. "And he let those pathetic humans hurt you."   
  
You gasped, his wording was incredibly demeaning, "Asura! Humans are just like you and me, they're born and they die. Just because our lifespan is longer it doesn't mean we are better than them." You puffed your cheeks, "And by the way, I can take perfectly fine care of myself."  
  
"Evidently not." He pointed out, gesticulating with his ungloved, tattooed hand to your injury, raising one thin black brow to challenge you. "It makes me nervous when you come back from cases with injuries like this, you could have been killed. From now on, just let me meet you in Damascus, it's dangerous out there for a lone woman."

You rolled your eyes, “I’m not a little delicate flower, you know. I’ve been doing this for ages, when I’m not around you need to trust me to take care of myself.”

"Not delicate, but still perhaps a flower." he muttered, suddenly twirling a purple iris between his fingers. Then, he placed it in your hand and you felt your heart flutter.

Your heart was always doing strange things around him.

"By the way," he began to say with a worn smile, like he was laughing at a self-depreciating joke, "I _wasn't_ born, I was created."

You bit your lip, embarrassed. You forgot about that. "Sorry about that, you just seem so much like me that I forget."

"That I'm just a Fragment?"

You frowned and shook your head, "You're not 'just' anything. You're incredible with or without a mother. You really need to stop looking at yourself so negatively, you're not less than anyone else just because of the way you were brought into the world. When I came into this world it killed my mother, but that doesn't make me a bad person or anything."

His hands found yours again, skimming his fingertips along your tender wrists. The feeling of his skin on yours reminded you of coming home.  
  
You wanted to explain the lethargy you'd been feeling to see if he had experienced anything similar. But you couldn't get the words out. What would it prove? You knew your ability had an addictive nature, but you were tougher than any addiction... Right?  
  
Your hands were still holding one of his; your thumbs ran mindlessly over the three eyes tattooed there, lingering briefly over the tattooed black ring around his middle finger. He had taken off his gloves before beginning the session today and his skin emitted a strange electric feel. At first you found the sensation a bit strange but it quickly grew on you. Your skin even felt numb when he pulled his hand from yours.

Akira was away so you didn’t have to worry about censoring yourself. 

So with ~~belligerent stupidity~~ _honesty_ , you just said it:  
  
"I felt strange while I was away." You looked to your hands and the phantom electricity your skin experienced. "Like I could have just stayed asleep the whole time. I thought I was sick until I got back and realized it's because I've gotten used to being near your wavelength." Biting your lip you tried to stop yourself from going any further. Now you could see why Akira thought you were leading Asura on romantically. It was utterly shameful. You backtracked, "B-but it could be a number of things, so I wanted to see if you felt the same."

Liar. You’re a bad person. You wanted to retract the words as soon as you said them.  
  
Asura was quiet for a long while just staring at his hands with a blank expression before finally admitting,  
  
"Not sick. But I felt... highly strung. Like a ball of energy was condensed in my chest compelling me to behave irrationally." His hand came to his heart; the other was still enveloped by your own. You nodded at every break in his explanation to get him to keep talking. "Being separated from you terrifies me. I don't trust Akira to keep you safe and the thought of you..." He paused, cutting off his own thoughts before he could say too much. "Being close to someone is hard, but the thought of losing you scares the hell out of me."  
  
You swallowed thickly. Akira was completely right. Asura  _did_  have feelings for you; he was just so unused to feeling this way that he couldn't describe it very well. So you tried your best to dispel that sentiment, "You fear my  _ability_  being harmed, not _me_. You're experiencing a craving; my ability has the same effects as a drug for some people. I'm sorry to put you through that. It must be difficult to feel so strange. But I will have to leave sometimes to conduct similar tasks for Lord Death, just like you. You can’t keep me safe all of the time." 

You didn’t notice his index finger on the top of your foot until he looked at it. So innocent yet so incredibly intimate, it was almost overtly sexual in the way it made you feel. Though it was definitely  _not_  intended that way. You blushed.  
  
"Do you feel that too?" He asked quietly, afraid he was imagining things.  
  
"Yes." You were determined to never lie to him, even if it might come off as leading him on. It was a promise you made early on in your attempts to help him. "I've actually never had it happen with a patient before."

He was talking, he told you about something that had been happening around the world recently and why they made him so worried about you. When you arrived he had given you a little flower and you accepted it against your better judgment. You knew the way you were behaving around him was wrong. It was on the very teetering edge of inappropriate.  
  
You just watched his lips move as he spoke, he really did have a handsome face. His bone structure was completely gorgeous, and those gold eyes on pale skin with his dark hair falling just above. You almost wanted to press your fingertips along his jaw, or stroke your fingers under his chin to draw him closer. You wanted to feel the wild excitement of his presence, you wanted... 

**_NO!_ **

You felt your heart thump hard in your chest and your eyes grew wide as you suddenly stood, shoving his hand away. "I-I have to go, Akira is probably expecting me home." You voice came out far more panicked and rushed than you intended.  
  
Asura’s thin black brows fell slightly, dubious and a little concerned. "He's away, isn't he?"  
  
"W-well yeah, but he likes for me to be home at a certain time of night, you know, just trying to keep me safe and such like boyfriends do." You stuck Akira's romantic title in there to remind Asura that you were taken, or maybe you were reminding yourself. You honestly couldn't tell anymore.  
  
His eyes fell half-mast and he looked to the grass with a sad frown pulling his lips down at the very corners, "You're afraid of me."  
  
This time it was your turn to be shocked, "No I'm not."  
  
"You're behaving like a cornered animal."  
  
You took a quick mental survey of your body language and boy-howdy he was right. You looked like you were ready to take off running and never stop.  
  
You shakily crouched before him, "I promise I'm not afraid of you."  
  
"Then what  _are_  you afraid of?" He asked. You had the feeling he already knew the answer, he was simply baiting the line.  
  
You bit your lips together before explaining what you’d been trying so hard to contain these past few months, "I think I'm afraid of the way you make me feel. It's exhilarating and I think that's why Akira is so uncomfortable with you and me spending so much time together alone."  
  
"You're not in love with me." He seemed to be reminding you, but also himself in the process. "So there's nothing to fear."  
  
You went still, this was probably the most rational conversation you’d ever had with Asura and it was about the world’s most irrational topic: love, or maybe lust, or maybe a crush. The line was getting very fuzzy and it was making you very uncomfortable. 

"I think that might be exactly what I fear. I’m afraid of falling in love with you, and to put myself into a situation like this is bad for my relationship with Akira. I’m not going to stop helping to absorb your anxiety, but maybe we should keep the touching to a bare minimum. You understand that, right?"

Gold eyes snapped to yours without a word. He didn't need to say anything because you could feel his soul through your link twisting and convulsing nervously. He was afraid you were going to give up on him.  
  
"We will just have to keep things very professional to keep Akira and Lord Death happy. Progress is the most important thing here, right?" You were half talking to yourself again, half explaining your convoluted feelings to the incredibly powerful shinigami before you.  
  
You gave him a smile and he returned one half-heartedly. “Yeah, I guess it is. I'd ask if you want me to bring you home, but that might be too," A very light dusting of pink found his cheeks, "Intimate.”

You told yourself that you wouldn't have accepted his offer anyway, but you knew it was a lie. It was a three day walk back to Damascus, and maybe a 4 hour flight. You had a very long hike ahead to think about your stupid, virtually cheating actions. It weighed heavily on you. You were playing with two hearts and it wasn’t fair to either. It wasn’t even fair to you! You loved Akira; you always loved the time you spent with him, but for some reason it wasn’t enough anymore. Ever since that first time you touched Asura’s soul you’d been addicted to him. He was all you thought about, he was all you’d talk about. No wonder Akira hated when you spent time with Asura. It made perfect sense to hate the man who was so easily stealing the person he loved while he had to watch it all unfold like a Shakespearian tragedy.

You were ashamed of yourself for feeling this way at all. But you couldn’t control your feelings. They controlled you.

You wanted to feel the excitement of Death's Fragment. You wanted to peel away his layers until all that remained was the true Asura hiding deep within. You wanted to feel his soul touch yours. You wanted to stay and let him trace his electrifying fingertips to your sensitized flesh. You wanted his lips to meet the juncture between your shoulder and neck with that same exhilarating sensation.

You looked to the silhouette of Jericho as the sun began to peak above your head, burning your shoulders. There was something deep inside drawing you back there like the ocean to the moon. So distant, so wanting.

But if the moon met the ocean, would he know what to do with it? Would the ocean’s tempests blow away the moon’s calm and settled dust? Or would the dust absorb all of that rushing water, leaving it empty forever?

You wanted to see first hand whether or not those violent oceanic storms were as dangerous as everyone thought. You wanted to drown in those brilliant colors and sounds. Without him, life was dull and dismal. In his presence it was as if you’d lived your whole life in black and white until he painted the world in undiscovered hues just for you. You wanted to feel alive in his presence forever.

You wanted Asura’s madness, even if it meant the end of all things steady and sound.


	3. Iris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

_When everything’s meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am._  

* * *

“Akira?”

To your surprise, Akira really was home when you arrived. He was wearing a smile that could kill a cat as he kissed you hello, then kissed your ear, then your neck. The sensation of his skin against yours was irritating, like a new rash. You wanted to say something and end the ache in your heart, but you became too absorbed too quickly and found yourself kissing him back. Another slow kiss pressed to the top of your bare shoulder as he pulled you toward the bedroom… But then there was a knock at the door.  
  
Akira growled with frustration and rebuttoned your top quickly before going to  ~~kill whoever was there~~  answer the door. To add to his mounting frustrations, there stood an unmasked Asura in the doorframe, knuckles still raised from knocking as he blinked once in surprise. 

Akira narrowed his gaze at the demigod, "What the fuck do  _you_  want?"

Sensing the mounting frustration from the front of your house you went to see what was going on when you saw a pair of gold eyes glance over Akira’s shoulder to you. A blush dashed over your face. You just wanted to hide under a rock. You knew very well where the night was leading and you now felt like you’d somehow betrayed both of them.

You pushed under the barrier of Akira's arm and smiled up at your dark haired friend with just the slightest hint of malice, if only to make Akira happy. "What's up Asura? Did you need something?"  
  
Asura’s frightened expression was frozen in place until you reached up and touched his cheek. His taut expression quickly melted to relief with the slightest little sheepish smile, "I didn't realize you lived with him."  
  
“Hey  _Asshole_ , I’m standing right here.” Akira stood tall behind, eyes narrowed tightly as he adjudicated the two of you, "You need to back the hell off. It's pretty easy to see she's taken, or are you blind?"  
  
"Akira..." You warned, touching a hand to his chest to push him back into the house slightly. Tonight you planned to end things with him, but you hadn’t found an opening. The last thing you wanted was some ugly breakup at the end of a beautiful relationship. "Asura was just worried when he saw my stitches and probably came to check on me, only to be surprised that I already have someone to keep me out of any more trouble."  
  
" _That’s_  where you were all this time?  _Jericho_? With _him_? When were you going to tell me that!" Akira shoved your hand away, "It's none of his business what happens to you anyway!”  
  
This time it was Asura's turn to grow murderous.

The intent of Akira's statement put Asura's teeth on edge; it was none of  _his_  business? The man who was actively sleeping with his soul mate thought that her wellbeing was  _none of his business_? It had to be a joke, Asura found a venomous grin creeping across his face, bearing all of his teeth in the process.

You shivered at the homicidal wavelengths all around. The chill that drew down your spine was insidiously foreboding. You had to do something before this got out of hand. You never thought you’d find yourself in this situation in ten thousand years. You were an unassuming person with a small, but substantial gift. Not exactly the kind of person who creates a hell storm of jealous rage.

"Relax guys," you spoke in your lowest tone to bring down the madness levels in your immediate proximity. "Akira; that was uncalled for. Asura is my friend and he doesn't want me to fall to any more harm, now stop being such a god damned pigheaded jerk." You then turned your attention to the taller, darker man who was grinning creepily at your boyfriend like he might kill him in the next second. Your voice took on an exasperated note as you sighed his name, "Asura; I told you the other day that Akira was coming home and I didn’t need any help. That implies that I have someone to watch over me, but just like I said to him, you need to relax. I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm perfectly capable of keeping myself out of any life threatening situations in my own home." You gave a slow, chiding smile. You really did think it was sweet that he came to check on you, but it couldn’t have been worse timing.

The look you received in return implied all of the things you’d discussed before leaving Jericho. The uncomfortable feelings you had for him weren’t fading no matter how hard you willed it to happen. Your fingertips on his face begged for you to flatten your palm to his cheek. It was just so weird. And all of this was happening right in front of your boyfriend who’s heart you were about to break. 

_Fabulous_.

Though they both wore looks of pure murder, both men appeared to calm down significantly. You hadn’t even had the chance to tell Akira that you’d gone to Jericho. The calm, logical discussion about the reasons why you two should go separate ways romantically was wholly out the window. You wanted to just shrivel up and die, you’d been hiking for a few days and he probably thought you’d done something unsavory. The rest of the night was bound to be very colorful. Or at least the language would be.

  
"Good night Asura, I'll see you in a couple of days, alright? Maybe next time I should be the one to come find you to avoid any problems." You gently pushed the shinigami further from the door and he took the suggestion without question and quickly disappeared into the dark sky. Hopefully the next time you saw him you’d be able to act on the compulsory feeling in your hands to run them all over him. A sigh fell from your lips just thinking about it. Then you turned to your boyfriend and totally understood the forsaken glint in his furious eyes.  
  
"So when you decide to cheat on me let me know in advance so I can move all my shit out."  
  
You followed him through the doorway, "Akira that isn't fair at all. I would never and you know that so tell me what's on your mind.” You already knew, but he needed the opportunity to let out his angry emotions before a reasonable discussion could be had.  
  
He was silent as he prowled the apartment like a caged lion.  
  
"Don't play stupid with me. You have feelings for that psychopath and you'll act on them if he doesn't first. I know you."

The accusation hurt but you couldn’t justly rebuke it,

"I don't have feelings for him. I won't lie to you, there's something there, but it isn't feelings."

Not  _yet_  at least.  
  
"Oh good, so you just want to  _fuck_  him then, right?" He pushed you in the middle of the chest and you fell back a step, "You want crazy?" Another push and you were stumbling, catching your balance just before Akira's grip gently encircled your throat, pushing you back against a wall. Your heart leaped up into the hollow of your throat ad he muttered, "I can give you crazy."  
  
His lips touched that spot on your jaw that usually pulled a whimper from your lips, but right now you were too scared to think. You’d never felt scared of Akira in your entire life. But right now all you wanted was to get away from him and the strange, irritating feeling of his hand on your neck, or the sickening feeling of his lips on your face. Never once had he ever laid his hands on you until he pushed you just a few moments ago. This was  _not_  just because Asura came to the door. Something else had to be going through his mind. Gently, you pressed against his chest as one of his hands slid the fabric of your shirt over your belly.  
  
"Stop it." You croaked. He laughed softly, maniacally even as he moved his hand from your throat to your hair, wrenching your neck to a painful angle to kiss your collarbones. You felt suffocated by the painful angle as you rasped, "Akira. You're hurting me." 

Rough sex could be very fun, if that’s what you wanted. But you didn’t have even the slightest, most remote sense of attraction to Akira. Not now, and you doubted you ever would again.  
  
He shoved away from you and went back to stalking in circles again, leaving you disheveled and mildly fearful of his erratic behavior. "So he can break your face without so much as a slap on the wrist, but I get a little rough and I'm suddenly Lucifer himself?" You hadn’t thought of Asura’s punch as intentional, it was a natural reaction to a perceived threat. Akira’s aggression was emotional and, frankly, frightening. His sharp eyes turned on you with the bridge of his nose snarled as he laughed humorlessly. "Did you have fun in Jericho? Since that wasn’t important enough to tell me I assume you were planning to hide it." You shook your head desperately, he made the exact assumption you thought he might but you had no time to answer. He leaned over you, one hand gripped at the wall, the other twisted in your hair again to draw your ear to his lips. "Is he better than me? Do you scream his name until your voice dies like you do for me?" His fine face was so close to you thought he might kiss you, but when he tried, you clenched your eyes shut and he froze. 

That's when he really hurt you. 

This time his hand really did grip your throat, only it wasn't playful, it wasn't sexy, he wasn’t even pretending. The cartilage in your throat shifted painfully as he lifted you into the air with one hand, slowly crushing your windpipe until you gagged and clawed for air.

Panic.  _Panic_. You couldn't  _breathe!_

He brought your struggling, flailing body close to look at you directly in the eyes before dropping you in a gasping heap on the ground. 

His eyes. There was something wrong with them. His pupils were wicked spirals of black arrows. How did you fail to notice sooner? Those strange blue eyes narrowed on you, "I don't need reluctant affection from a pathetically useless weapon. When you realize the spoils of victory weren’t worth it, I'll be waiting in Caral."  
  
_Caral? What a strange place to run away to._  Caral was on the opposite end of the world in the lower hemisphere where virgins were sacrificed publicly to sun gods, their blood used for protection for their human rulers. Not exactly the place one goes to escape from an ex girlfriend.

Obviously something more than a lover’s quarrel was going on here. 

He took a few steps closer to look down at you with those frightening eyes. They appeared to be squirming in his sockets and it made your stomach turn. Yours went wide as you coughed and caressed your neck tenderly. You wanted to ask what was wrong, but your throat didn’t work. Nothing came out besides wheezing, harsh breaths.  
  
Without another word he turned to leave, but not without looking over his shoulder one last time like you had just ripped his heart out of his chest with your bare hands. He slammed the front door behind him as he left forever.

You two had fought before, but nothing even remotely close to this caliber. The silence around you sunk into your skin, gathering a sense of bleak depression in your chest. You curled up and rested your forehead on your forearms and shuddered as reality set in. Although you planned on leaving him, you hadn’t considered the obvious side effect. Loneliness. You hadn’t lived alone in upward of a century. In fact, you'd moved in with Akira right after you left your father's place so you'd never been fully alone in your whole life.

As it turns out, silent solitude was where you found fear. 

…

A week passed and Asura waited for you to leave your house. He’d seen Akira leave in a fit of rage, to which Asura couldn’t help but laugh his ass off.  _Good riddance_. But then he waited for you to come out, to chase your lover and demand an apology. Anything. But nothing happened and he was stuck waiting again.

By the end of that second week he was so filled with anxious fear that he couldn't drag himself from the house you'd forbidden him from. His head dropped pathetically. He couldn't even bring himself to knock. You told him that you would find him when you wanted to see him again so why was he constantly trying to force his presence on you? You obviously didn’t want him snooping around, yet there he was with his fist lifted to knock on your front door. It quickly dawned on him that you literally had not left, not even to get food or water. His heart raced, what if you were hurt? What if you were _dead_?

 

What if…  _What if…?_

****

**_What if…!?_ **

 

Luckily you actually did show up at your designated spot in the forest the following morning. Relief flooded his veins as soon as you were within touching distance so he could curve a hand over the side of your face. But that relief was very quickly overtaken by an unholy rage.

Maybe you thought the bruise had faded from your throat, but Asura noticed it within moments. Your hand went to cover it but he caught your wrists and held them to your sides, his eyes spelling all over your discolored throat, "Akira did this to you." He determined quickly, the way your face reddened with embarrassment gave truth to his statement. 

"I don't know what happened, he was, well, maybe ‘ _fine’_ is the wrong word, but he was handling things pretty well, but then suddenly he wasn't. I wasn't even able to calm him with my ability." Your throat was still a little raspy. Maybe it was from your damaged throat. Maybe it was from all the crying. "He's never put a hand on me before, I don't know what changed."

"Where is he now?" 

Asura had asked the question gently, but the intention behind it couldn't be further from innocent. He would kill Akira if he ever saw him again, you were sure of it.

"I'm not entirely sure, he said Caral but I don’t really believe that. He was disgusted by their culture when we visited for a mission a few years ago." You replied as his hands released yours only to tenderly run his fingertip over the faint yellow bruises around your throat. You enjoyed the sensation and confided what you’d seen, "I feel like something happened while he was on his last mission, someone must be manipulating him. His eyes were…” You didn’t know how to describe them without sounding kooky but you gave it a shot. “They were black arrow. It was the strangest thing I’d ever seen.” You shook your head with a sad little frown, “This is all so far beyond what he's capable of."

"Well apparently it  _is_  something he's capable of." Asura reminded you with a sense of finality and just the slightest hint of sarcasm. He was right. Akira had never hurt you before, but now it was obvious that the ability to intentionally and purposely harm you rested somewhere inside. Asura’s thumb ran along the edge of the bruise with this expression like he might kill someone. "Under no circumstance do I want to see him near you again. I know you have more than enough self worth for that."

You nodded, he was right about that too. 

Asura’s touch made the pain in your neck ebb to nothing, and slowly it did the same for the pain in your heart. Tears formed in the corner of your eye, filling your lower lids until heavy drops fell. One dropped into the eye on Asura's hand, the other dropped somewhere on the ground. 

The very moment his fingertips found your cheek to chase your tears away you knew this was bound to happen; just as Akira claimed. You were going to foolishly and helplessly fall for Asura whether you liked it or not. You collapsed around his middle and sobbed into his chest as his hands floated above your back, unsure if he was still allowed to touch you or not. Were you crying because of him? Did he say something wrong? He didn't ask aloud, instead he silently berated himself for making you upset. 

You sobbed and gripped your arms more tightly around his back as your chin rested in the space between his neck and shoulder. "We were a team for a century and now he’s gone.” You knew the only reason Asura came was to use you for your ability. But you were not in the right state, "I can't work with you yet, I'm too—"  
  
"Shut up." Asura commanded lightly into your ear. "I don't care about that. Just..." His voice quickly dropped away.

Parts of his face were covered, but the wraps were coming loose, much to your pleasure. You found your temple falling against his ear, then closed your eyes to immerse yourself in the sensation.

Asura just let you hold him, but he didn't drop his arms from where they hovered for fear of doing the wrong thing. He was already seething that Akira had left you in such a sorry state; he didn't want to do the wrong thing and make you feel even worse. He’d only seen you cry out of sadness one other time, but back then you were only a child who dropped her lunch in the sand. 

You found a very small opening where his scarves didn’t cover his cheek and you pressed your own face to it, absorbing that intense feeling he exuded. He went very still as you pulled at it with one hand until the side of his face was fully exposed. You held your tearstained cheek to his and sunk against it.

"Thank you," was all you could manage to say as his arms finally wrapped around your shoulders.

…

It took quite some time to recover emotionally from the aggressive nature of your breakup from Akira, and Asura didn’t even leave for a moment. You had mentioned that you were afraid of being alone so he stayed within touching distance at all hours of the day, only leaving your perimeter at night so you could sleep. Even that made you nervous. Normally you would have been annoyed by such a lack of personal space, but you didn't mind when it was Asura. In fact, you felt anxious when he was beyond your grasp. It was like you were afraid he might disappear if you didn’t suddenly seize his arm from time to time to make sure he was still there. You'd lost one of the most important people in your life, and Asura happily filled the void.

At first you didn't know where he was staying in Damascus, then after a few weeks you realized he had set up camp in your living room. You just laughed at the sight of him conked out on your couch, mouth wide and drooling with scarves wrapped over his eyes. 

Then finally a few months passed and you were mentally sound enough to try and address Asura’s anxiety again. He'd done more than enough for you and you felt it was time to repay the favor. It filled you with a certain pride that you could make him happy so easily. All you did was toss him a peach you found in the market square and he beamed as if it was the best present he’d ever received. Later that same day, the two of you sat on your bed like a pair of children playing with matching grins.

You hadn’t even  _tried_  to transfer his anxiety recently and you were a little ashamed of yourself. Lord Death trusted you with this and you were shirking your duty to go swimming in the Ganges or to knock over big rocks at Stone Henge. In the past few months you hadn't needed to; Asura was completely content and happy just being near you. But, in this case, he was leaving for a mission to take out some witches to the east, it would be a couple of weeks and you didn't want him to come back a fractured mess. 

You took his hands in yours and began to find your center as he did the same. This time he didn't fall asleep, not even when you pulsed your serene wavelength against his. You frowned.  
  
"What's wrong?" You heard him ask very quietly through a sleepy haze.  _Phew_. So you  _didn't_  lose your ability.  _Thank goodness_.  
  
You fell back into a trance and did your best to mine some insanity. It felt more effective than past sessions, even Asura came out of the trance with a wide grin that curved into a triumphant smirk around the corners.  
  
"What're you so smiley about?"  
  
His thumbs ran against the backs of your hands and he let out a single laugh. He shook his head, looking at you with amusement dancing in his eyes as his grin tried to hide a little, "Nothing." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't love this chapter. Oh well. Plot progress must be made at any cost, even at the expense of Reader's emotional/physical wellbeing. Sorry! Expect the next one in about a day. Maybe sooner. It's really cute and fluffy and... maybe, just maybe, the story rating will have to change... so I'm excited to post it. Happy reading!


	4. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gravity by Sara Bareilles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has juuuuust a little bit of sexual reference. But that's why it's T! I have an M version, but I'll probably post that on FF. Or I can repost the rated content based on popular demand. Anyhoo, happy reading. This is mad squishy, sorry if you choke on all the fluff. It might stick to you for days like glitter after a bachelorette party.

_You hold me without touch_  
_You keep me without chains_

* * *

"Asura, why did you kill  _all_  of them?!"

He listened to his father berate him for over an hour and now he was getting bored and wondered why Vajra was allowed to leave. "I really appreciate the time you've taken out of my day to have this little talk but I have things to do."

"I don’t appreciate the sarcasm. What could be more important in these mad times!?" Death's voice wasn't so happy, he appeared to be very annoyed with his Fragment as he flailed. He'd defied a direct order and that didn't sit well with such an orderly god.

Asura didn't answer as he began to lift into the air. Then Death realized what was so heavy on his Fragment’s mind. 

"You're worried about her." He began to say, Asura's sharp glare was enough to verify. "You can't kill everyone in the world to keep her safe, you must restrain yourself in situations like these. Witches may have a streak of evil, but there have been known to be some good ones out there worth saving. You can’t break The Deal or you’ll lose that bit of peace you’ve found.” Lord Death explained with a solemn note, “Keep a keen eye on that young lady. A witch might one day use that soft spot against you."

Lord Death had a point there and it shot fear through Asura's heart like white lightning. Asura wasn't thrilled to think of you as a weakness. "A witch would be a fool to try something like that. I'll see you next time, Master." He bowed his head respectfully before taking off quickly into the sky. 

He felt a frightening anxiety as long as he was away from you, like hornets were crawling under his skin and attempting to escape through all of his pores. It pushed him to do some unpleasant things from time to time. He hated to be away from you for fear that he might come home to an empty house. It was even worse when Death sent you on missions with your new partner, a woman named Greylin. He was manically paranoid when you were away. You had become a drug for him, a beautiful, intoxicating drug. Being away for longer periods clouded his head, he felt abandoned and panicked violently; sort of like this most recent time when he killed 100 witches for no apparent reason. The reason might not have been apparent to others, but it was there. Your existence was brought about by a witch's magic, so he reasoned there might be one out there who wanted to kill you or use you. Thus, he was determined to eliminate every last one.

  
You eventually moved to Jericho. The distance was too straining and you had a feeling that Lord Death might have suggested it. As his character flaws demanded, Asura had this quiet, passive way of asking. He moved things slowly from your place to his until you had virtually nothing worth keeping at your house in Damascus. 

First it was your hairbrush, and then it was your favorite pair of shoes and then your books. When you caught him picking up your toothbrush you finally confronted him about it. His face flashed red as he stuttered some desperate excuse hoping you weren’t overly upset with him. Now, knowing the way his mind worked, you knew he feared your rejection. That was why he hadn't asked you directly.  
  
With a gentle smile and a shrug you jibbed, "Well, it _would_ be easier to get my stuff back if I just set up shop in your extra room."  
  
He turned his head a little to hide the small smirk of success as he dropped the little thing back in its holder. 

…

"He's off the grid. No one has found any trace of him in Caral or anywhere else in the settled world." Lord Death explained. You tried not to let your disappointment show. Obviously you no longer had romantic feelings for your former partner, but that didn't mean you wanted him to go awol. noticing your dejection, Lord Death brought up a more pleasant topic,

  
“How is Asura handling your treatment?” 

You were proud to give full marks to Lord Death regarding his son. “He’s really improved! He shows his face to strangers, he is getting a bit less upset when we go somewhere new…” You rambled on about his minor accomplishments that meant so much to you as Lord Death listened intently. 

“Will there ever come a time when he will be able to do these things without you present?”

Your smile fractured, “It’s doubtful. He embodies fear itself and I just so happen to be a sponge for emotions. It only works if I’m nearby.” 

A happy tone reached his voice, “Then it’s a good thing you two get along so well! I hear you’ve moved to Jericho recently! It must be a massive improvement on such a long distance relationship.”

A blush reached your cheeks as you tried to defend your character, “Er, well  _yes_ , but it’s not like... like  _that_. We just get along really well.” Though you truly wished you could say otherwise.

His eyes looked happy with your report regardless, “Whatever works to keep him from acting on those violent tendencies!”

_Violent tendencies?_  You’d never seen him become violent in your entire life. Then again, you never needed to clear witches like he did so you never went with him or any of his teams. He never talked about his missions, he always seemed like he'd rather forget about them. Vajra had made a few quips about witch massacres, but you thought he was making tasteless jokes.

Was there another side of Asura you hadn’t met?

…

 

Asura's was more modern than your place in Damascus, you weren't sure if it was because he had better resources or just better taste, but you didn't mind reaping the benefit. 

What you  _did_  mind was when a person you respected overstepped your boundaries. You woke one morning to Asura's arm slung around you, his face mere millimeters from yours and you completely freaked out.

"I'm sorry." His shoulders sloped, following your pacing form with his eyes from below his lashes. "It's just—"  
  
"It's just  _nothing_!" You stormed your face was burning red. You were so embarrassed as you held the thin sheet over your naked self like a toga. "You can't just show up in my bed without my consent!"  
  
His eyes fell to the floor, withdrawing. You could feel his anxiety levels rising through the link you'd forged between your souls. You were not going to let him think this was acceptable behavior, but you also didn't want him to have a total breakdown. He was too powerful to allow either to happen.  
  
After tying the sheet into a knot over your shoulder, your hands laced behind your head and you let it fall back to stare at the ceiling . "Asura, we need to establish some ground rules if I'm going to stay here."

He didn't make a sound but you knew he was listening. 

"Rule one:  _do not_  come into my room uninvited. You know I'd knock anyone else's lights out if they did that, so consider this fair warning." He wasn't responding but you could see his shuddering beginning to die down a little as he realized you weren't going to leave or do anything drastic. You counted on your fingers as you circled closer to him. "Rule two: if we need each other for something, just say it. No passive aggressive remarks from me, and no sneaking around for you. Fair?" Asura bobbed his head a little and wisps of black and white hair danced above his eyes. You sighed and dropped your arms heavily to your sides. "And my last rule is that you have to stop worrying so much. I'm not going to leave you. I'd tell you beforehand if something changed so you could adjust to the idea. I doubt your father would want to send me somewhere else anyway since we’ve had such an awesome impact on each other." You added that last little bit onto the end with a smile. You'd had plenty of dreams about Asura in your bed, but you two were not in the midst of a very physical relationship so it was a huge shock to find him there with you. It was unlike him. Vajra probably told him to do it and he listened, not knowing any better. He was too difficult about physical contact to make any headway in that department so Vajra had decided to make your life miserable in a number of ways, including embarrassingly awful misinformation on how sex works. _No_ , sex does not _always_ hurt, and _no,_ sex does  _not_  prevent pregnancy! You wanted to punch that weapon right in his stupid face.

There was a heavy silence for a little while after that. The kind that makes you feel awkward and wish that there was something to break the quiet. And then he did,  
  
"I have a rule too." The shinigami said before lifting his eyes to meet yours, "No one  _else_  is allowed in your room either."  
  
Your brows dropped, missing his meaning. "I'm not sure I understand..."  
  
"I don't want to see you with anyone."  
  
A weary smile came to your lips at his demand; "You know I can't just lock myself away for when you need me. That would be pretty inhumane don't you think?"  
  
He gripped the side of his head, sending his hair scattering like black needles with a pained expression meeting his blushing face, desperately searching for the right words to say as he started to pace. "That's not what I meant to say. How to say it, how to say it, how to say it…"  
  
You reached up and took a hold of his wrist to keep him from pulling out his hair or pacing a hole in the floor and you felt his meaning sink into your brain like two puzzle pieces snapping together. 

He wanted you. He wanted you for himself. 

Like… a lover. 

You had taken a mutually affectionate interest in one another over a year back but after many, many attempts at starting something more serious you gave up and tried your best to suppress your charged feelings for him. Now you realized your mistake. Asura had never been this close with anyone before. You were  _everything_  to him. _All_ of his romantic experiences had been with you. He had never let anyone touch his skin before you, and no one had ever tried. He had never left his layers off for anyone before because he had never trusted anyone not to hurt or belittle him before. He didn't react like a normal person because he had never  _been_  normal. He had been living in a hazy cloud of fear and madness since his creation, until he met you. 

To him your romantic relationship was moving way too fast and he was barely clinging on, and now you felt bed for never noticing before. His idea of trying to move forward was quietly sneaking into your bed at night just to hold you close, or taking your hairbrush to his house so you’d have to go get it back. He had no idea that it was an inappropriate way to get a girl’s attention. 

You just stood there, leaving Asura without an answer to his fraught attempt at admitting his feelings for you. He was shifting nervously and one foot started to tap frantically; his motions were jerky and abnormal as he folded his arms and then refolded them… and then refolded them again. He was afraid of your rejection  _before_  this little admission, it would only be worse if you turned him away after the fact. Not that you’d ever dream of doing such a thing.  
  
The very first day, the day he looked so vulnerable at your touch, it felt like the ground had disappeared from under you, like falling and finding solid ground all at once. It felt like crumbling apart and being rebuilt newer and better. His madness gave you energy and your calm gave him peace. You had a hard time recollecting what it felt like to love someone else, you tried to remember what it felt like to love Akira and it simply wouldn’t come to mind. Instead, all you could feel was the sharp electricity that enveloped your heart at the sight of this very broken man before you. You wanted to hug him so hard that his pieces came together.

His eyes were closed and he lacked the scarves he would typically use to cover himself from the frightening world around him. A gentle hand touched his chest, instantly halting his tremors. A second hand curved around his jaw.  
  
"I won't see anyone else but you, not like  _this_." You waited for his frightened gold eyes to open and meet yours before nodding a little with a little smile, "That's my compromise."  
  
His gulped, looking more timid now than ever before.  
  
You reassured him with a widening smile and gently threatened, "I don't want to see any strange women in here either.  _Or else_."  
  
"Or else what?" His voice was tight and small.

  
Your smile grew mockingly menacing, "If I don't catch you with any strange women then you'll never have to find out."

  
You knew you never had to worry about other women with Asura. He was so dodgy about skin to skin contact that to touch your lips to his face, of all places, was nearly impossible. You'd kissed his palms, the eyes on the backs of his hands, his shoulder, his bare stomach once, and even the top of his head. But it took some serious cajoling to get a kiss from his lips.   
  
He was a light sleeper. You knew that. Nearly all anxious people were insomniacs. So you hatched an evil plan. 

You had the ability to manipulate dreams; but you could also enter as an observer. He dreamed very often of the kisses you'd given him over the years, and all it took was a little push to get his dream persona to lift the scarf from his mouth long enough to make your move. It felt like you were doing something wicked every time. You'd draw it out like a love tale; you'd make him fall into awkward situations, you'd run the back of one hand against the side of his face as the other stroked beneath his chin to bring him close. Your breath would mingle with his, warming his lips, convincing him to finally close that almost nonexistent gap. And then you'd wake him up. It was cruel to both of you. But maybe if you kept trying he might actually want to kiss you. 

Then one day he caught on to your little ploy. You could tell in the suspicious light of his narrowed gold eyes when he watched you drinking your tea across the table in the morning. He had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He'd watch you take each sip like he was trying to figure something out. You thought you were hiding your sneaky little grin pretty well.

Apparently not.

"So you can do  _that_ in my dreams, hundreds of times, but if I try to kiss you in reality you fight me? Where's the logic there?" 

Your face lit with red, "when have you  _ever_  tried to kiss me?"

"The morning when you made up all those rules."

You hid as best as you could behind your teacup, your chest tightening with embarrassment. No way! He hadn't,  _had he_? 

"After about a hundred and fifteen rejections, I'm not going to try again. It's  _your_  turn to feel rejected." He leaned back in his chair. One brow rose with the corner of his lips, it was an outright challenge.

Your mouth fell open as you watched him lift his own mug to his lips after a small toast to you, grinning like an imp the whole time. He was excited to see you try.

It was years of struggling to keep your hands off of his magnetic flesh and there he was saying _you_ deserved rejection? Oh no, that was _not_ going to happen. You were determined to make him take the next step even if it took deceit. You claimed that you'd already kissed him while drinking with you by the river one night but he didn't believe you, not even for a second.

"I don't remember anything, I was too drunk." He shrugged a shoulder as you walked along the dusty roads of Jericho hand in hand, no gloves to be seen for miles. You _had_ been grinning at that minor victory until he said that. 

"That doesn't mean it never happened!" You squealed, swinging your whole head to scowl up at him. You were an awful liar.

So long as you were around, he had grown accustomed to waking around without his scarves over his face in public; instead they hung loose over his red and black pinstriped chest. From the corner of sharp gold eye he watched you and said nonchalantly, "Well I'm perfectly sober right now." 

Your face reddened at the suggestion. 

The two of you were headed out for the day, he planned to show you some old ruins he'd watched an old society build before they fell on their own sword a few eons ago. You were excited to see them since one of your recent novels was set in an old abandoned city. But your excitement dwindled when your pride got in the way of your own happiness.

Asura was so damn stubborn about this, probably because he was too nervous to act on it himself. And you knew the boycott would have ended ages ago if you'd sucked up your pride and let him 'reject' you. But that wasn't going to happen.

An idea sprouted when you looked at the peach in your hand. It was intended for lunch but it was repurposed for torture.

You crunched the first crisp, sweet bite and the juice came flooding over your fingers, dripping down your wrist quickly. As your eyes rose they met Asura's smirking face as you ran your tongue over the juice on your wrists, then your fingers. One. By. One. Not once did you let yourself lose eye contact and you could see Asura's pupils widen just a little at the display as his steps slowed to a stop. A little pink blush was slowly creeping over his cheeks.

_Oh my, is he thinking indecent things? In public no less! Egad!_ You would laugh maniacally later once your plan had come to fruition.

You held the peach up for him to take a bite; he reluctantly released your hand and took it from you. He narrowed his eyes on you suspiciously. And when he did take a bite a few steps further down the block, you slid your hand around his wrist to bring his fingers to your mouth and popped his index between your lips before he could protest.

You'd never heard Asura groan before, but he looked at you like he might die if you didn't keep going. His face was turning a particular shade of red as you pushed him step by step into an alley and out of sight. You were already on the verge of tying him up and having your way with him. You went to the next finger and those little tingles of electricity over your tongue made your heart race. You took the peach from him and mimicked the action three more times until Asura was mere jelly in your hands. 

You brought him close and lifted onto your tiptoes, but you didn't kiss him right then. You were going to make  _him_  give in first. Your turn for rejection? No way. He might have all the good looks, but you had experience on your side.

Your tongue met the corner of his lip, pretending to catch a little more juice there, then you planted a soft kiss to the edge of his jaw, then another to his chin. His own larger hands curled around the sides of your face, his thumbs rested on your cheekbones. His body was flush against yours; you could feel every hard ridge of muscle and bone through his shirts. You smirked when he leaned down, filling the small space with his aura of exciting energy; it sparked up and down your spine and warmed a certain aspect of your anatomy. Just the anticipation itself was making your heart palpitate. You had never been so aroused in your entire 200 years of life. His nose touched the tip of yours, sliding closer until he stopped briefly, barely hovering over your lips. Your heart was hammering in your chest, waiting for him to close that breathless gap.

You grew impatient and tried to touch your lips to his but he eased back a little, his own teasing smirk planted right in plain view. Your heart thudded once hard in your chest. It should be illegal to be so fucking hot. His thumb under your chin made you tilt your head just enough for his breath to tickle the little hairs on the shell of your ear, sending streams of electricity down your neck. His lips lightly touched your earlobe as he whispered, 

" _This_ is how it feels to be rejected." 

He walk away, not bothering to hide his evil little chuckle as he left you panting in that alleyway against a wall.

Your mouth hung open as you stomped after his retreating form, "That's not fair!"

...

You sent him a fairly heated dream that night in retaliation and when he woke you were right there. Laying on your side, one hand propping you up against a pillow with a playful grin.

"I thought we had rules against this sort of intrusion." A very groggy Asura only opened one eye.

"Intrusion? I didn’t realize I was unwelcome” You smiled innocently, “My wording was specifically chosen,  _you_  cannot enter  _my_  room without permission." 

"Ahh, I see. So I should have tied you up in here years ago. Damn. I should have thought of that sooner." A lanky arm slid around the curve of your back to pull you close, "are you going to try to seduce me again?" His voice was laced with a certain enticing darkness, "I think you've been punished thoroughly enough."

As it was, you folded yourself against him, feeling his rhythmic breathing dancing across the top of your head. Your twined your feet with his and pushed up to look down at him. "You know, I never suspected you'd be the type to tease a woman to death, but I think you might actually succeed." You slunk close enough to touch his nose with yours, "you're going to be the death of me."

The humor in his eyes diminished and he slung a bit of hanging hair over your ear. "Don't say stuff like that." He mumbled into the small space between you, tilting his chin just enough to touch your lips with his own. 

Sparks and magic danced over your lips as he eased you to the side until you were beneath him, both hands hovering over your cheeks. The kiss broke only momentarily for Asura to give the broadest, most relieved smile you'd ever seen. "Next time you torture me in my own dreams I wont be so forgiving." He dipped down and gently gave you another kiss, his fine hairs tickling your forehead. You smiled and smoothed them back, causing those crazy broken spikes of white to look like digitalized stripes. 

Your fingertips touched his chest before smoothing over prominent collarbones to wrap around his neck, pressing his forehead to your. You licked his lower lip playfully and he stilled,

"I'll just have to find a lot of peaches." 

He was certainly not so timid after the fourth, fifth and sixth and seventh and eighth kiss. So brave that he didn’t even pause as he hungrily traveled down the column of your throat. 

It was like doing shots of tequila, the first shot is always the hardest, the rest were much more smooth. And what is it they say? Tequila makes your clothes fall off? 

Or maybe, 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila; floor.'  
  
Because that's exactly where you ended up when he realized you'd stripped him of his shirts.  

You rubbed your back and looked up at his nervous, apologetic smile from over the edge of the bed. You just rolled your eyes and climbed back in, settling for a close snuggle rather than the alternative you were really hoping for. To him you were moving at light speed and he was trying his best to keep up, you had to try and remember that.

  
The alternative didn't come much later though, maybe five entire years. You wouldn’t have lasted if Asura wasn’t so fantastically good with his hands and mouth. You almost wanted to personally thank Lord Death for creating a fragment with such fantastically long, nimble fingers. He would stop occasionally to catch his breath and calm down when things grew too heated or too new in those early months of exploration. But he quickly learned that he liked to make you whine against his lips and beg him to go harder or faster just as much as any man. You were obviously his first and he was very, very nervous about it. But you didn't rush him; you didn't want push him into any uncomfortable situation. 

Every newly exposed inch gave a new height of excitement and ecstasy. And he did a good job of exploiting your weakness. It had the same effect on him, and the more intimate you two became, the more calm and subdued he was. He watched you so carefully for any sign of discomfort, he’d read all the wrong books and heard from all the wrong people ( _Vajra... grrr.._.) about what sex was going to be like. He was afraid it would hurt, or that the eventual teetering of sexual attraction would make you cease to love him. You assured him that you’d never get tired of him, and it was plain to see that he’d never bore of you either. 

Obviously it didn't take long for you to move into his room after you started sleeping together. 

Spindly fingers lay against yours, fingertip to fingertip, two hearts beating against each other as one. It took a few days to leave the house after the first time, you were both so addicted to the feel of each other’s body. Though you did find yourselves talking about some strange subjects,

"When you  _do_  transform, what kind of weapon do you become?"

He'd asked a few times in the past but you gave ridiculous answers to get a laugh out of him. You didn't want him to laugh at what were, it would crush you. You had a lot of pride in your work and your weapon. Growing serious, you sat up, letting the sheets pool around your waist as you looked down at him. "You absolutely  _cannot_  laugh if I tell you." 

Asura's brows pinched, pushing up onto his elbows to look at you properly, "Why would I laugh?"

"Because I'm a whistle."

His lips went funny and your face dropped. It was so embarrassing; every other weapon was some bad ass sword or ax or something else fantastically violent. You were a singing flute.

His shoulders shuddered rhythmically as he suppressed his fit of laughter at your misfortune. You glared, but that only made him crack up, covering his eyes with a hand as he fell back laughing out loud. 

“I mean, really I’m a flute, but you don’t have to find it quite so funny.” You folded your arms and huffed, "And you said you wouldn't laugh!"

He wiped his eye and smiled a devious little smile as he recovered from his fit of laughter, "Did I though?"  

You glared again. But this time he reacted with a countenance of true interest, "Your song causes people to lose their insanity then? That's a very special gift, I've never heard of such a thing before. I guess your meister must have to learn how to play flute." Another giggle escaped with a roll of his pretty gold eyes, " _A whistle_." He tested the word as if he couldn’t believe it was true. Then his stupid giggling face dropped at some hard realization and you could suddenly feel anger and madness beginning to bubble through your peaceful suppression. "That means Akira played you, doesn't it?" 

It wasn't much of a question; it was more of an accusation. 

Your face burned and your brows dropped. You had never thought of Akira playing you as anything lewd or inappropriate before this very moment. "I mean,  _yeah_ , but it wasn't anything weird."

"You don't think it's weird that he put his lips on your nude body each and every time you were utilized as a weapon?"

Face, meet palm. "That's  _so_  gross. I've never even thought of it like that before! Greylin is going to freak out when I tell her you said that."

A finger poked the middle of his chin as he thought deeply, "How should I punish you for your ignorance, hmm..." Your eyes went wide at the way his gold ore eyes melted over you. 

You specified before he could even say it. "You can do anything you want, but revoking sexual privileges is completely off the table."

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that, good idea." He then cleared out of bed and began walking out the door, only pausing to give a sharp, come-hither stare over his shoulder. 

…

  
He was someone very different under your shared roof. He would smile without pause, he could sleep without his dozens of layers comfortably, you couldn't even remember the last time he had a breakdown.

Everything was perfect.

  
"If your skin feels like little lightning bolts, what does mine feel like?" You asked as he gazed contentedly at your joined hands, touching as much of his exposed flesh to yours as he could possibly manage. Your leg was hitched over his hip, your toes tucked under his thigh for warmth. His arm was wrapped around your back, his forearm rested in the dip if your spine, fingers gently combing through the hair at the back of your neck. Your belly pressed to his ribs and the air between your lips was saturated with this electric sensation until you didn't know where you stopped and he began.  
  
He shifted back a little with this look of consternation as he thought of the right way to describe it. Asura then closed his eyes and said, "Every time your skin meets mine it feels like clouds swimming in circles, collecting every anxiety; making them disappear entirely."  
  
You gave a self depreciating laugh, "That's... anticlimactic."  
  
"No," his melted gold eyes were bright and self assured, "for someone like me, someone so..." He let the thought trail away. "It is a treasure to feel so peaceful when every moment was once filled with terror."  
  
Your hand slid up the tender side of his ribs up his neck to caress his jaw, tilting his face close enough to kiss. "I'm in love with you."  
  
He smiled against your lips; he didn't say to back every time. He didn't need to. You could witness his love for you every day in the way he cared for you and your particular ways of doing things. In the way he would come home from each mission with a flower from that region to add to a new and vast collection pressed between pages of favorite books over quotes that made your heart flutter. You felt it in his gaze just before leaning down to kiss you. Who would have thought Asura to be a clandestine romantic? You sure didn't. 

After a few interesting years of acquainting yourselves with one another, everything was good. At least for a little while.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, this could technically be the end if you wanted it to be. But I have about three or four more chapters because I accidentally tripped and fell into a plot. I just have to decide if I want this to have a happy ending, or heartbreakingly tragic. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.


	5. Ghosts

_But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart_

_And you knelt beside, my hope torn apart_

_But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view_

_And we’ll live a long life_

 

* * *

It didn't matter if you felt ugly some days or depressed or overly excitable, Asura took it all in stride as long as you were near. 

Actually, never mind, he took everything in stride  _except_  for your father.

"Hey honey!" Your dad strutted through the door like he owned the place before stopping in his tracks at the sight of a young man,  _shirtless_ , walking through the middle of his daughter’s living room. His eyes went wide as tea plates, " _Asura?!"_

You went to intercept with a tense grin, "Daddy, this is my-"

"-I didn't even recognize you without all those wraps!"

"Hello to you too Krishna." Asura said with a sigh in his voice as he pulled on the nearest article of clothing, or five, that he could find.

There was brittle tension between your father and Asura. It was so palpable you could probably smash it with a hammer. 

Without even the slightest provocation your father rounded on you, "And when were you planning to come by and see your father! You know how lonely retirement is! And to think so much has changed since I've last seen you. Just look at your hair! When did you start wearing it like that? And Lord Death tells me you've been paired with Greylin?" He paused his lament to turn on Asura as if he'd just remembered something to yell at him for. 

You wanted to chloroform your own father. 

But then he reprimanded Asura about something you didn’t expect, "What the hell did you do to Akira!"

You mouth hung open at your father before sliding your eyes to Asura who was standing there with his eyebrows raised high, "That's quite the accusation you have there Krishna, perhaps the better question would be: why haven't you bothered to ask your daughter if she's feeling better after her incident with that awful-"

" _Incident_?" Your father looked to you now, eyes sparkling with concern.

Your head drooped a little, "It's nothing to worry about."

"…except that Akira nearly broke your neck." Asura chimed in and you rolled your eyes. 

"Don't exaggerate, it was just a bruise."

"...And cartilaginous fractures." Asura tacked that bit on the end just to get you mad, there was the ghost of a smirk pulling his lips on one side.

Your father's eyes bounced back between the two of you as you completed the story. "And that's how  _this_ ," he swept his hand out to you and Asura, "came to happen?" He seemed hesitant to believe it.

You nodded and Asura narrowed his eyes at him. 

Krishna then grew quite angry, "You  _must_  have done something to that boy. Akira doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body,  _you_  on the other hand—"

" _Dad!_ "

Asura spoke with glacial politeness, "Krishna, if you're going to accuse me of something like that then you should have avoided the invitation. We invited you so you could see where your daughter is living, I have no reason to extend that courtesy twice." 

There was a curiously sinister note to your father's voice as he asked, "So Akira's disappearance has nothing to do with The Deal?"

Asura's face paled, but before he could rebuke you asked innocently, "What deal?"

Your father's eyes were basically rolling with fury as he exploded, pacing and everything, gesticulating wildly as he shouted, " _You haven't told her!”_ He scoffed. “ _Of course not._  I never expected anything more than manipulation from you, Coward!" 

Before Asura could react you already had your hand on his chest to push him back, there was only a little resistance. The look on his eye told you the only thing holding him back from murdering your father was your hand. You gave him a lot of credit; he was handling your father’s pettiness pretty well.

"What is he talking about?" You tried to ask Asura quietly but your dad heard anyway.

"Oh, just the most important secret of your life." Your father quipped, adding fuel to the flames in Asura's eyes. 

Asura's gaze trained on your father, unblinking. "There hasn't exactly been a good opening for me to bring it up."

“For eight _years?!”_

You tried not to get involved as your father and Asura shot back and forth a few more times. _Secret_? _What the hell_? You looked from your father to your lover, then back again. What on earth could have made them hate one another so much?

Your eyes were sharp when you looked up to Asura as he tried to form another insult. "Now.” His eyes blinked down to you, “ _Now_  would be a really good time to tell me this super important secret." 

A broad snake-like grin split your father's face, "Well I'm just going to leave you two love birds to hash this one out, I'll come by later to see if it's a better time." Your dad announced as he turned with a wave over his shoulder. He was smart enough not to look at Asura in that moment or he might have caught fire. 

You loved your father, you really did. But sometimes you really wished you were abandoned as a child.

As soon as the door was shut and you knew your dad was safe from combustion you turned on Asura with heat in your voice, "What was  _that_  about? What secret? What  _deal_?"

Asura's eyes fell to the floor, still pale. "There was never a good time to explain it. I was hoping no one would ever bring it up, but I forgot about Krishna."

So many questions were mounting. "All the more reason to tell me now, the longer a secret sits the harder it becomes to tell it. So spill it."

He agreed with a nod but a frown tugged the edges of his lips. "Did you ever happen to notice the way your father would keep you away from me, even as a child?" Your brows fell a little, unsure of where this was going. Your father had to bring you all over with him as a child because there was no one to watch you. Any time Asura showed up it was suddenly time to leave.

"Well," he took a deep breath like he might explode, "You were created by your mother to become the opposite half of my soul." Your eyes went as wide as they could get as he explained, "The entire reason you were born was to calm my fears and to complete me in every way. A deal was made by Lord Death. He would allow your mother's clan to survive his holocaust 200 years ago if she created you in return. So she did it. And now here you are." He was trembling lightly, your dead silence frightened him. 

This was a lot to take in at once.

There was a quaver in your voice as your throat tightened with emotion, "why didn't you tell me?"

"I've always wanted to tell you, your entire life I spent on the sidelines waiting for the right time, but your father wouldn't have it. He wanted you to decide for yourself when you were ready, which was why he pushed for Akira to become your partner. Commendable in its own way, but incredibly frustrating from my perspective. He wanted to keep you away from me as long as possible. He never had a choice but to agree with the circumstances of your birth because your mother gave her life to create you, the only explanation he ever received was from Lord Death and myself." Your tall lover looked so small as he paced nervously,

"He thought he loved her, but it was all just manipulative magic." A waning smile came with a heavy sadness as his pacing stopped abruptly to look at you, "He's hated me since I was first shucked off of Lord Death and he couldn't believe his only child was destined to be paired with me." He smirked at the curious glint in your eyes, "I was pretty belligerent when I was first created."

You rolled your eyes, “Remind me, when did you _stop_ being belligerent?” After that you stood there for a long time, absorbing all of that information. Honestly? You were just happy to hear that he really  _hadn't_ had anything to do with Akira’s freak out and disappearing act. 

"So,  _that's_  the big secret?" Your quirked a brow and folded your arms, "I was hoping for something a bit more grandiose."

He was trying not to smile at your lackluster reaction, "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner but I was so afraid you'd think it was unnatural." His eyes fell closed, his heart twisting painfully in his chest. 

A pair of soft lips touched his and his eyes jumped open. You were blushing a little and it was quite pretty. His insides turned to mush when you looked at him like that. He tried to prepare himself for this eventuality but it didn't work. He tried to harden his heart against whatever you were about to say.

"It's not natural. Nothing I feel for you is natural." You started to say. Asura's face pinched, bracing himself for whatever pain you were about to inflict,

"I forgive you." 

Three words were all it took to make Asura's heart stop beating. 

" _What_?" He asked quietly, not quite believing.

"I forgive you." You shrugged, "It must have been hard to keep that in all of these years. It's pretty obvious that we were supposed to be together regardless of this so-called deal. My dad is the _real_ jerk.  _He_ should have been the one to tell me, not you. If anything  _he_  should be the one apologizing." You kissed him again with a little more muster, a plan to get back at your father began forming. "Now I  _am_  going to have to punish you for your deceit or you'll never take my threats seriously again," your lips dragged across his cheek to his ear. "You have ten seconds to get out of these clothes or I’m breaking out the whip." 

…

 

"Honey!" Your father announced as he walked through the front door with a maniacal grin. But that look of success dropped at the image of Asura, again shirtless, sitting in a chair at the table, staring at him with mock surprise. 

"That's a very sweet thing to call me. My nicknames for you are far more... Prickly."

Krishna took in the scratch marks on Asura's chest and white-hot fury came over him, "If you laid one single finger on her-" 

He chuckled deeply, "It is far,  _far_  too late for that." The humor in his broad smirk dimmed from his eyes as Krishna choked, hearing the shower running and your voice humming from another room as Asura’s meaning sunk in. Those gold eyes were nothing but malice as they pinned Krishna in place. "If you ever come here to harass us again I will take pleasure in making you meet a terrible accident."

Krishna went cold. Asura didn't make threats. He made promises.

"All I want is her happiness." Your father explained, trying his absolute hardest not to think about where those scratches had  _really_ come from. 

"And she will continue to be so long as you're done playing interference with all of these insinuations. You must have a low opinion of your daughter’s intelligence if you think she'd believe I caused Akira to hurt her. I'd cut off my own appendages before harming her." Asura paused and stared into Krishna's eyes, "She is mine now."

Krishna nodded; he'd never seen Asura so relaxed before. He'd been expecting the crazed Asura he always fought beside, not this calm, collected, intelligent young man. He’d expected the one who would take enjoyment in killing hundreds of witches indiscriminately. But this dark haired, light-eyed young man lounging before him was not that person. Your father always feared that it wouldn't really work, that your mother was trying to pull a fast one to make Asura crack and kill the innocent and become corrupted. As far as he could see, it really worked. And now you were happily chained to the god of anxiety.  

You walked out from a back room running a towel over your wet hair; you started rattling off your plans for the coming week without noticing your father at first. But when you did it wasn't very pleasant, "Congrats, you got us to fight a little. No, we aren't breaking up, though I'm sure you'd be heartbroken if we did. I'm just happy to know that the feeling I get when he touches me doesn't warrant a visit to the doctor."

"He doesn't know about that." Asura added, taking the glass of water you handed him without looking away from the book he now flipped through.

"About the tingling?"

"He has no clue." 

"Weird, you'd think that would be common knowledge when your daughter is sacrificed to make a Demi God sane enough to function." You nudged him with your hip as you passed, causing him to spill everywhere. 

He sent you a mock glare. "Sacrificed?" Asura held a hand to his heart, "You wound me. Is it really so bad?"

Your father's deadpan expression gave you the satisfaction you were looking for. "You can stop whenever you want. I get it. You're in love, or whatever." He grumbled.

"Awe, but I thought you were going to ask for a demonstration!" You laughed as both Asura and your father's faces turned cherry red. You slapped your old man on the back, "Did you still want to hang out today? I'm only going if Asura's invited."

"What, are you guys attached via vena cava now? I can't get a minute alone with my girl?" 

"I don't trust anyone else to keep her safe." Asura didn’t even look to your father as he answered, taking a sip of water as he read the last chapter of the book you gave him.

Your dad’s face got a bit grumpy at Asura's nonchalant answer, as if he was incapable of caring for you. But he let it slide. He'd cause enough havoc for one night. Plus, he knew for certain that no one could harm his daughter in the presence of Asura.

So, with that in mind Krishna barked out a terse, "Fine."

…

  
Your nose pressed to his bare shoulder so you could smell him, he smelled like fresh linen and sanitizer. You chuckled a little; some of his paranoid symptoms were just so damn persistent. He was leaving later in the morning; he needed to do something involving some witch named Gorgon. It would be a few days until he returned and you were  _very_  concerned.  
  
Lord Death had also asked  _you_  to go on a job. In and of itself that wasn’t so concerning. What bothered you was the fact that he commanded you to hide it from Asura. You weren't happy about the lie, but you had to do as Lord Death asked. And to be fair, you were completely terrified at the idea of going after Akira. But, obviously Lord Death didn't trust Asura to actually bring Akira back alive so you and Greylin were the only remaining candidates. 

Death confirmed your early suspicions during your meeting. Akira was drawn into madness by witches, like the one you'd killed in Egypt. Lord Death believed you'd be able to draw out the imitation waves of madness on your with Greylin.

But oh how wrong he was.

The whole world you had worked so hard to create was shattered into millions of pieces like a fallen chandelier.

Greylin was killed before you even had a chance. They were the Gorgon sisters, and there were three. Arachne, Medusa, and Sobek. The spider, the snake, and the crocodile. All three were beautiful in a terrifying sort of way. And they were discussing Asura’s madness as if you weren’t there, all tied up on the ancient pyramid’s sandy floor. Your heart was racing when medusa apprehended you; snakes wrapped around your joints and held you still until a handsome young man came through the old temple. 

“So when should we do it?”

“I’m not going to be the one-“

“We voted and you were picked now suck it up Sobek.” Medusa hissed at her older sister. “The timing isn’t perfect, but it will work.” Her slit eyes turned to you on the ground with a face splitting grin. “Maybe we should make the introduction sooner than later.”

Sobek frowned, “This is wrong, Asura is bound to fall into madness with time. Why not wait for it to occur naturally?”

“And miss out on the show? Oh I think not. This pretty little thing needs to see what it _truly_ means to be sacrificed to a god.”

Footfalls echoed through the vast, empty halls.

You barely recognized him with a long golden headdress of gold metal feathers and traditional mesoamerican garb. His smirk made your stomach turn when he looked down at you.  
  
"You haven't changed a bit." He started to say, briefly grinning at the trio of witches before hunkering down over you. "Let's see how long it takes for ole lover boy to find you." His eyes slid over your body and a snake or twos tails lifted the hem of your shirt.  
  
Tears welled and you writhed away from Akira’s menacing grin, "What's the point of this!"  
  
The back of his hand swept over your cheek,  "The point is to make that fragile Fragment of yours shatter. What a better way than to come upon his lover and me." He grinned something awful, "Just like old times."  
  
Glassy tears blurred your vision as you glanced between the witches and Akira, "What did they do to you?"  
  
That menacing grin widened into something horrifying. " _Do to me_? Darling you misunderstand! They've set me  _free_ , free from all the rules of morality.” As his hands descended onto your hips you watched the three witches dissipate into thin air.  
  
Thank gods you heard screams in the distance before Akira’s hooked fingers could pull your waistband any further. But the person who arrived wasn't the one you were expecting.

“The Deal remains unbroken, if you touch a single hair on her head I wont do anything to protect you when he arrives.” Death’s voice had a dark growl to it as he aimed his death scythe at Akira’s back.

Akira’s head dropped with a wide, psychotic grin to your chest as you tried to squirm free. His pupils grew small, and his eyes went wide as he turned on Death, “Like I give a fuck what happens to _them_." 

“We have the Lizard in custody, if you don’t release her I will let Asura do whatever he likes.” It seemed like a real threat because Akira let your drop to the ground like he’d been shocked and the snakes slithered off into the cracks of the pyramid’s blocks. 

“Medusa and Arachne are more than enough, we don’t need the third Gorgon.”

“Maybe not, but your reaction tells me she’s important to your survival.” Death was very good at picking apart strategy. So Sobek was the one who bewitched Akira. It did something to your heart, she seemed like the only one with even a shred of sanity between the three.

With the flash of a dark look toward Lord Death, Akira suddenly blinked from existence. You stared at the spot where he’d been standing with your mouth hanging open, pulling your clothes to cover you properly.

Death looked you over with acumen. You weren't injured, mostly just scared and deeply scarred by those events.  
  
"The Gorgon sisters you met here were mirror images, the real ones were fighting with us." His voice diminished to add, "They created doubles of you and Akira for our battlefield as well." A bit of black cloak reached out to rub a mark on your wrist left by your snake shackles. "We only managed to capture one of them and the other two escaped, they're more cunning than we thought." His eyes were remorseful, “I thought you might be able to knock some sense into Akira to bring him back to our side, but he is too far gone." He sighed, "and if Asura knew you were coming here he would have abandoned his task to go with you. We couldn't have that.”  
  
Lord Death helped you stand and a frantic Asura suddenly collected you from him before you could even acknowledge that he had arrived. He hovered in the air, holding you so tight you were afraid he might break you as his face buried into your hair.  
  
"Did you secure the prisoner?" Death asked from over his head as you clutched him tightly.  
  
"She's secure alright." Asura mumbled into your shoulder. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again." He whispered in your ear, there was a haunted note of darkness to his voice.  
  
You nodded, agreeing fully as a sob wrenched from your throat. 

“You’re real, right?” he asked. You nodded and squeezed him even tighter. 

“I’m here, I’m here. I swear.” After a few more minutes of telling himself you were real, Asura picked

you up like a delicate little doll and flew you home. Not a word passed between you on the long flight.   
  
When you arrived home you had a bit of a breakdown. You screamed and cried and lost it. Asura was quiet and watched you with that same haunted expression on his face. He told you what happened on his end of the battlefield. Akira’s really was there, as were the Gorgon sisters. The people you encountered were all body doubles. A _double_ had killed Greylin. You couldn’t even imagine the strength of the real things. He started to tell you that there was a double of you as well, but then he stopped talking. 

“Tell me.” You took a shaking breath, still coming down from the adrenaline of being nearly raped by a possessed version of your ex lover. “Tell me what they did.”

His gold eyes were dim like distant stars, “Akira broke your neck.” He shivered a little, “The double was so complete that I could feel the little scar on your lip. The dead white of your eyes just stared at me like I was the one to kill you.” His eyes fully closed hiding the slight gleam of tears there, “it was just an illusion, but I’ve never felt so pathetic in my entire life.”

After that you just held him until night fell. Adrenaline was still high, neither of you could sleep. So you just held each other and thanked every deity you could name that you were both safe.

Hours later, a long spindly finger twirled your hair and you snuggled your back against him with a soft sigh. You were on the verge of finally falling to sleep when you heard him say something very strange,  
  
"What right do we have keep witches under control?"  
  
Groggy and bewildered you turned your head just enough to catch a look of consternation on Asura's face. You blinked and watched his eyes for a second to see if he was serious. 

Your tummy fell a little at his deeply ruminating expression, "Someone has to, or else normal humans would all kill one another." You measured him with your eyes as he rolled slowly onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

  
"Why is it our responsibility? Shouldn't they come up with their own defenses? Isn't it their job to protect themselves? They don't even know what we do for them, yet we find ourselves dying and killing in the name of their safety. Why should I have to worry every single day that you might not come home? Or, more likely, someone will lock you away and torture you just to make me snap? My father gives the illusion that we have no choice but to follow orders, but it's not true. So why should we? Why risk losing the only thing that’s ever mattered for a power struggle that will never find a resolution?"  


Asura wasn't about to abandon humanity for a moment of self-doubt. You were sure of it. But those kinds of doubts could plant the seed of dissent, and that exactly what the Gorgon sisters wanted. "They're helpless, that's why they need our protection. Because they know nothing of our world we have to do all we can to shield them from it."  
  
"No, we don't. We don’t  _have_   _to_  do any of that." His gold eyes were the only things facing you and they were fierce. "We could let them all die."  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say such a thing? Those are moms and babies and sisters and dads, they are just trying to live and find happiness in their own way." Your eyes glanced from one golden orb to the other, "Why are you saying all of this? What happened to your humanity?"  
  
"It died this morning when Akira had you at his mercy, when I could do nothing but watch him end your life.” Those fierce eyes became despondent, “There is no more desolate feeling than to watch the person you love die because you aren’t enough to keep her safe."  
  
You nuzzled into the curve of his neck to make sure he knew you were still there. To make sure he knew you were real. "I'm not going anywhere, even if I wanted to I don't think you'd let me." You smiled a kiss into his collarbone. "Even if you decide to stop listening to your father’s orders, I'm going to keep going out there to help keep those innocent people safe. This world is big enough for all of us, I’m sure of it."  
  
His eyes fell closed and was silent for a short while.  
  
"You don't know what true fear is, do you?" You allowed silence to be your answer. He kept his eyes shut as he answered himself, "That's what I thought."  
  
"Just because I don't understand your fear doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on this. Those people out there are good; they’re just trying to get by day by day. They can’t kill witches like you can."  
  
Asura’s beautiful gold eyes finally opened, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. "If anything ever happened to you I don't know what I'd do. I can barely restrain myself on an average day. If they did something to you,” He paused to try and contain his anxiety at the very thought, “I just don't know what might happen."  
  
It hurt to hear him say that. But you knew. You knew he would become deadly if you ever died. He was right. You'd have to be very careful with yourself from now on. Asura was immeasurably powerful; if he was to lose himself to madness it would spell disaster for humanity.

You kissed the side of his face gently and let your lips linger beside his ear as you promised, “If you need me to stay on the sidelines, I’ll do that. I wont become the reason you lose your grip on sanity.”

He wrapped his arms around you as if you might disappear if he moved. You played with the hair on the back of his neck and held your lips to his forehead.  
  
The fate of humanity lingered in your caress and your grip was beginning to slip.

 


	6. Strange World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the extended wait! Lyrics are Strange World by Parachute.

 

_Shadows swim._

_I hear them laughing at the state I'm in. Their eyes keep staring and they just won't quit_  
_And they just whisper your name_

 

* * *

Asura arrived before anyone else, as usual, to avoid, well,  _everyone_. 

He'd made a bit of a name for himself silently, ruthlessly killing so many witches without regard for Lord Death's parameters.

It was a damp, wet place. North America was barely inhabitable by Asura's standards. He truly preferred the dry heat of the desert to this sopping hot peninsula made up almost entirely of boggy wetlands. The witches were quiet, but he knew they were there. All three were likely hide somewhere in the misty mangroves where they danced lightly over mud blackened water.

The first he spotted was Sobek. She was a red headed witch with pointed teeth that betrayed the innocent look in her murky green eyes. It made sense for her to live among the alligators here, ancient and resilient. She was the target. Asura was supposed to bring her to Lord Death for talk on peace negotiations. The lower ranking shinigami was not fond of peace between witches and his kind so he told Vajra he was going to kill her. Vajra yelled at him for disobeying Lord Death, but he was unmoved in his conviction. All three Gorgon sisters had to die, the sooner the better.

"Fragment!" She held out a hand straight and flat to halt him. Asura wanted nothing more than to see her head detached from her neck, but instead cocked his head a little, bored with her already. 

That vile toothed grin spread her features tightly, her voice a sing-song, "If you come even a step closer I will let him do it."

Asura's brows sunk low, questioning, glad that Sobek couldn't read his expression. Vajra was the one to point out that there were two new women circling in toward them. A gliding dark haired woman and a sauntering, feral blonde. 

Asura thought quickly on how to kill them all before anyone else arrived.

Medusa was not gentle as her sweet face transformed into grotesque fury, "Don't even think of it. I'll make him end her life intimately if you so much as think about taking Sobek."

The snake witch snapped her fingers and an image appeared just before Sobek's knees, it was just fibers and fractals until it formed two bodies. There was a woman restrained by snakes and a man knelt above her in a human-God sacrificial helm of feathers, his palm pressed deeply into her throat. He looked as if every fiber of sanity had left him, but his face was still horrifyingly familiar. Akira swung his head to look at Asura then cocked it to a sharp angle like a broken neck, "You know, Sobek, I really did want some privacy." He chastised the witch, "but I suppose there is more than one definition for fun." His grip tightened and a meaty pop came from your throat as you choked and struggled.

Your eyes were wide as tears fell finding Asura, silently pleading for help. Asura nearly stepped forward but stopped himself.

Lord Death gave very specific instructions: _do not_ act on raw emotion no matter how powerful. It was clear now why he gave that order. Anger rose like a storm.

Akira didn't look over to his rival before asking, "the Gorgons in exchange for your little piece of heaven."

Asura allowed silence to be his answer while Vajra screamed at him to say something, anything. But Asura was a terrible negotiator, that was usually your area of expertise. So in this instance it was better to shut up and wait for their demands than to ruin it all with the wrong words. 

"He's going to kill her you idiot!" Vajra's screaming tenor rang through Asura's head loud enough to reactively start to speak. But just as he opened his mouth to make a spiny threat, Akria tightened his grip hard and you choked a scream, the sound vibrated through him painfully, shattering all thoughts from the demigod's mind. He was frozen like a frightened animal.

A cruel smile opened on Akira's mouth, "well then, I guess we won't be needing  _this_." 

And just like a little twig, he broke your fragile little neck.

The air left Asura's lungs like a punch in the gut allowing pure instinct to take over. 

Vajra exploded with violet energy, vaporizing Akira from existence. Sobek went to leap away but Asura's long arm hooked out and threw her to the ground. The only thing that stopped him from mindlessly killing everything around him was Lord Death's hand on his shoulder. After a blink he saw that there was nothing in his grasp. There was no Akira, you weren't dead on the ground. He was clutching muddy grass and trembling with adrenaline. Fighting broke out all around like explosives into fire.

"It's an illusion! It's not real! " He shouted to everyone else from over his shoulder. The cavalry had arrived.

Was all of that an illusion, or a horrifying prophesy? 

Asura frowned at the very thought as he snapped into action. It didn’t take long to subdue the alligator witch. Sobek's femur was crushed in the tight grip of one hand, he had wanted to kill her but now he had more than enough reason to torture her once she was locked away under Lord Death’s supervision. 

He followed Lord Death after restraining the witch to a red mud pyramid without a determinable age somewhere in Central America.

Your voice was the most amazing piece of music he'd ever heard when you were speaking softly with Death. Not even an hour before he had to watch helplessly as a man possessed by a witch murdered you. It was somewhat stalling how easily he fell into madness and it brought up some very uncomfortable truths he'd been trying hard not to accept.

Were you a weakness? He thought back to the murderous things that wormed into his mind at the image of Akira's hand around your neck. There were many actions he could have taken to prevent that hand from twisting, like forcibly removing his arm and laughing as he bled to death in the swamp. But, until Akira ended your life, he would still be considered an innocent soul. Would he kill an innocent to keep you safe and alive? _Gladly_. Would he be forgiven for exchanging one innocent life for another? Yes, without a passing thought.

It was all far more existential than he wanted to ponder as he held you for what felt like the first time. It felt like you would evaporate if he let up his grip even a tiny fraction. He just wanted to breathe in your hair and stay there forever to let his fears and anxieties bleed away like the snow in spring. 

But it wasn't meant to be.

Death had gone against nature by creating you, so eventually a course correction was in order. He just hadn't expected it to be quite so violently horrific.

…

 

"Would you hate me if I killed someone from beyond the List?" His voice was like the whisper of a whisper from just beside your ear several years after the Caral incident.

You didn't hate him. You understood  _why_ he had these delusional thoughts. But he couldn't justify his fear into reality. He’d been a good boy the whole time you knew him, he was loving and caring and cleaned up after himself. You’d trained him well.

"You don't need to get any stronger." You said offhandedly as if you were discussing the weather, stretching with languid motions, his arms coiled around you smooth as a snake. You took his hand and fiddled with the tattoos there. You weren’t shocked to find that he also had these tattoos on his feet and back. Ink had never been much of a turn on until you started seeing Asura. "Innocent people have nothing to do with our world, we have no right to take their lives away for power."

You rolled to squirm under his arm and nestled your cheek to his bicep. The soft thump of his heartbeat reverberated through his body into yours. Laying your lips to the plane of his collarbone, you kissed a sweet trail up to his lips and kissed him. He looked like he was in pain. He had this look about him lately that made you want to make everything better. There was this haunted expression that would cross his eyes, you knew he was reliving the images Sobek had created to torture him. And oh did it torture him. So you couldn’t hold it against him when he broke every bone in her body when you two returned from Caral. You knew exactly what he’d done when he came home that day; blood tipped his fists and spattered his chest and face. He never needed to tell you, instead you just helped him clean away the blood.

But that was very nearly three years ago. You’d hoped he would eventually feel better or manage to form some kind of coping mechanism. Especially since Asura was so reluctant to let you alleviate his anxiety. He confided that he felt powerless without his fear to drive him and so he’d been boycotting all of your help. You told him that it didn't make sense to let himself lose control, but it was hard to argue with a madman. 

Unlike your lover, your soul was strong. You were strong enough to keep yourself afloat in the face of harrowing odds and epic failure. Asura was not. He was delicate, and he always had been. Honestly you were beginning to wonder if he'd ever recover from the fear of your death. Guessing by the cold look in his eyes, probably not.

You kissed his lips but they didn’t move in response, he just watched you with that same unfeeling expression until you quirked a brow.

"I can't be the person you want to love." He admitted suddenly into the small space between your lips. 

The claim shocked you upright. You actually gasped, like a dramatic playwright gasp.

"Enough of this!” You had finally reached your boiling point, “Let me help you _right now_ or I’ll find somewhere else to sleep.”

Gold eyes went narrow as his expression soured. "What if I don't _want_ you in there anymore?" His tone took on a venomous note, but rescinded it immediately at the sharp gleam of heartbreak in your eyes. That accusatory tone made your heart fall to your stomach. His eyes averted from yours, playing with the edge of the blanket instead. "I don't mean that." A frown dragged tinge very corners of his lips low. "Don’t bother asking anymore. If you're going to do it, just do it.”

There was a lot to be found in there as you swam through thick swaths of electric webs of anxiety. Chaos and bright colors and a din white noise. It was a madhouse of fear. You took as much of that heavy fear as you could and brought it back with you. 

You were staring at the ceiling when your eyes opened, and Asura was looking out the window with his back to you. Gone were the millions of blankets, and you could sense that Asura was feeling much better than he was before. You were kind of surprised to see that it was daybreak, it only felt like you were in there for a few minutes.

The very edge of his face turned with the slight flutter of black lashes when he blinked.

"You were out for a while." He said somberly watching the sun warm the horizon, still not turning to look at you fully. "It's not safe for you anymore, it's more than you can handle." 

You furrowed your brow as the dizzying effects of his madness began distorting your vision, "no it isn't, my ability just needs to get stronger."

"Stop." His muscles were tense, "just stop. You're just a human, you're going to kill yourself if you keep trying to lower me to your level."

Anger roiled within you. "Excuse me? Did you just say that I'm  _below_  you? Who the hell do you think you are?" His face only turned enough for you to see the pink of his cornea, he was crying and trying his absolute best not to show it. It softened your heart, but not enough to halt your rage. You shook your head, "you need to drop that ego down a peg or two. The way you speak to everyone besides Lord Death is disgusting. You're _not_ God."

He sighed lightly and turned back to the picture window, "That wasn't what I was trying to say... But you're right. I'm not Lord Death, but I am close. He pulled away the most abysmal parts of him to create me.” He paused, “I think he made a terrible mistake." He watched your heart begin to ache from the corner of his eye as a heavy tear dropped from his eye, "What I was _trying_ to say was that I cannot exist in a world without fear, you'll never lower my levels of anxiety to zero. Peace will never exist for me, and to continue hurting yourself just to make me feel a little better is selfish and wrong. I will _not_ let you kill yourself in some feeble attempt to fix me."

He had you there. All this talk of self-hatred was more than you could stand; he was so much more than just the sum of his parts. He was capable of compassion and love; you'd experienced both first hand. "Making you calm makes me happy. It's just that simple. I know better than to judge you on your homicidal fantasies, you're scared and you want to protect me and I get that. You are so much more than what you're feeling right now." The room slowly brightened with sallow colors as the sun crept up the sky. "But you don’t have to keep me safe from everything. Danger and fear are a part of life, you can’t keep me from those things. Like before, when you said that you couldn’t be the person I want to love. That in itself scared the hell out of me. I love you regardless of your shortcomings, the fact that you cant see that really hurts.” You found your lips in a sad frown, “all of that strength without compassion is meaningless."

He gave one dismissive laugh and turned back to the window, shaking his head. He was thinking so hard about something that it physically weighed the air down over every surface of your body. 

After that an uncomfortable silence of words left unsaid settled in the air between you. You both wanted to finish the fight, but neither of you had the courage to bring it up again. So it just sat there. 

And it festered.

…

It wasn't until a good while later that the voices started whispering. You noticed it in the way he'd pause and listen from time to time while walking through the city. It really frightened you when he started answering questions no one had asked. The answers he came up with were creepier than the questions you imagined were floating through his head. But any time you'd bring it up he'd look at you like you were crazy. As if you were making it up. He'd get so defensive that _he_ would call _you_ insane! Like, _what_?!

He never admitted to hearing voices. Not until you'd caught him red handed.

He wasn't sleeping again. His insomniac tendencies drove him to take long walks alone in the middle of the night. You couldn't trust him to make good decisions on his own anymore; so one night you followed him.

"But she's right here, how could you be her?" He asked no one as you crept around the corner, he had this puzzled expression, "no, she wouldn't want that. She likes those pathetic creatures for some reason, that's how I know you're lying. I won't do that to her." 

When you waltzed around this expression of nonchalant surprise, Asura jolted with a start, "H-Hey, I didn't know you were here."

"Who were you just talking to?"

A panicked look dashed across his expression before settling on embarrassment. "I wasn't, I didn't say anything."

You remained firm, he was going to answer this time. There was no more room for doubt. "Yes you did. You were talking to someone, I heard you."

There was so much shame weighing his face that you almost felt bad for asking, "I know it isn't real." 

"The voices? How do you know?"

"There’s only one. She says she's you." Your eyes widened and fear coiled in your belly at the thought. His eyes watched your face in a particular way, "I know you wouldn't tell me to kill innocent humans for power, you like them too much." 

Your heart jumped in you chest. Yes! He actually did hold humans in some regard, "I hope you wouldn't take innocent souls needlessly regardless of how I feel about them."

"I wish I felt that way too."

You frowned at that. He really had zero compassion or respect for human lives and it made your stomach turn, but at least you patted yourself on the back for keeping him honest. "I want to enter your mind Asura. I'm worried that Sobek or Medusa might have somehow enchanted you like they did to Akira." 

His mouth was a hard set line, "no, I can take care of it myself--"

"That's not the point. I _want_ to help you, and if you won't let me go on missions at least let me help _you_. I was literally made for this and you're not letting me do my job. You’re my other half and I just want you to be happy again."

He watched your expression for some time before nodding once with that same hard, impassive expression. You two had a particular place where you used to chase away his demons. When you arrived, his large hands swept up both sides of your face, his long fingers wrapping around the base of your skull to tilt your lips to meet his. After the brief kiss he rested his brow to your forehead with a heavy breath. You began attempting to penetrate his soul as soon as he was seated across from you. 

He was very reluctant about allowing you to reach his mind. There were so many thick barriers of madness that you had to push through to get to his soul. 

There you found something strange. 

Pure, silent, darkness.

 _Shit_.

You tried to release yourself from his mind by letting go of his soul's wavelength, but you couldn't. He'd accidentally trapped you. You called his name out loud but you received no answer. You floated through the darkness searching for any sign of light, but there was nothing. 

"I'm sorry I had to trick you like that." Akira's voice. “But I couldn't get you away from that guy. He's actually still in China with Death. But this whole plan is starting to look up, I almost forgot what your lips felt like."

You barely withheld your rising bile. "Release me or Asura will kill you."

There was a smirk on his voice, "No he won't. I'm still innocent; I've never killed anyone aside from witches and evil humans. He won't go against your wishes, I'm sure of it."

You felt like you could cry. You hoped Akira was right, but you knew better. Asura was on the brink of madness at all moments of the day, and if he found out that you were trapped in Akira's mind he'd kill him without discretion. 

"Don't count on it," you mildly threatened, "he's not nearly as stable as you give him credit for."

"That's okay." He grinned, "I'm counting on that madness, too."

You didn't have to ask. Akira loved the sound of his own voice.

"He's going to kill Sobek as soon as he returns. And the moment he ends your older sister’s life, you'll be trapped in your own mind until they release you. It was part of that very diligent contract Death signed on your behalf."

Until that very moment you hadn’t realized the connection. That was why they kept targeting you; you were born to be a pawn. Their mother, your mother, they were one in the same, the orchestrator of chaos. And her terrible machinations would cause the end of the world.

It felt like someone punched you in the stomach.

Asura worked like a lever in a factory: input fear and a violent reaction would occur. _Especially_ with you involved. You had no shred of doubt that this plan would end in utter disaster for humanity.

"Think of yourself as the latest and greatest social liberator, without a moral construct humans will finally be able to give into to their most natural, basic needs. They'll finally find true freedom."

Since you could only hear a voice, rather than a physical body, your inner anger could only be directed at your own fists as they clenched tightly. "We already have freedom! A loss of morality will only cause chaos, it isn't our natural state!"

"Says you, Ms-Order-And-Serenity. Your opinion of morality does not define everyone else's."

"No, but there are basic rules to live by. People shouldn't infringe on the rights of any other person. Murder, rape, theft... Those are natural objections to any human's moral compass. Any deviation is from their own inner madness, and then they end up on The List and we take care of it. That's a good thing!"

"So you're saying that shinigami should police the world?" 

Your heart stilled. He was speaking with the sarcastic, drawling tenor of Asura's voice. 

"Don't you dare speak like him." Your voice shook with anger.

His voice changed back to his own bright and sunny tenor, "Why? Is your cognitive dissonance preventing you from seeing that your beloved is your antithesis?"

Tears wanted to fill your eyes, but you were a mere mental projection so they wouldn't fall. The truth hurt. Asura was your complete opposite. Where you held humanity in high regard, he saw them below his feet. Where he saw the shackles of human morality, you saw freedom. A barb of electric pain shot through your chest. 

Where you saw logic, he saw madness. 

It would always be this way. There was no way to change either of your biological makeup. For all eternity you two would butt heads, and you would always find peace so long as you could keep up with one another. You'd always love the way he made your heart soar to the heavens, and he'd always love the way you bolted his heart to the ground. Gods... it would always be pain and love and turmoil. 

If he ever killed an innocent you'd be morally obligated to hate him. But how were you supposed to do that when he possessed your heart so entirely?

"Oh darling, don't be sad. It's tragic really, almost romantic in a way. The only way to control the madness,  _you_ , will be locked away, inciting new and fantastic new levels of insanity in Asura until not even a scrap of your coveted peace remains on earth."

"You're all sick." You faced the darkness with newfound determination. "I'll rip Sobek out of your head if it's the last thing I do."

And you weren't bluffing. You took ahold of that darkness, sewing your soul's soothing energy into it, slowly pulling and folding it away until it was a sheet stuffed into a suitcase, misshapen and bursting at the zipper with rolling, violent throes. 

When the darkness was clear, you could finally see. It was so very bright and wide open. Like a sunny beach day, and in the middle of the vast, sandy soulscape was Akira standing with eyes wide and mouth agape, a single tear falling down the side of his cheek.

There was a crunch of sand and a small plume when he fell to his knees, watching you hold onto that bag of darkness with all your might, breaking a sweat as he stared, crying.

"I'm so sorry." He whimpered desperately, clutching the sand in fists beside his knees. He sounded haunted, he looked haunted. He looked like a man freed from the horrid enchantment of a witch. 

"I can't believe I did those things to you. Sobek had such a strong hold on my head..." He started to choke on his words as his voice grew tight with emotion, he sniffed and put his forearm over his eyes to hide the tears there, "I would have killed you! Why did you let me trap you here!" He shouted from behind his arm, voice wavering with remorse.

You were clenching that case shut with both arms as the darkness within writhed and fought to escape and reclaim Akira. But you'd never let it. You couldn't hold his actions against him, this madness had taken him over so completely that he was barely himself. "Sobek was very smart in her deception, that's why I fell for it. She knew Asura was my weakness and she exploited that, you can't blame yourself for falling into her grasp."

"But I love you, why would I want to hurt you!" He cried, letting go of his sandy face to look 

It took a second to admit it, but you knew the answer. "Love is a passionate form of madness." With that you gave a strained smile as you held the case in your arms more tightly, struggling with the raging chaos inside. "I'm going to take this back with me now, I need to go help Asura before he does something stupid." 

Akira rocked back onto his hips heavily, staring at the ground, "it's too late to help him, you're safer here."

Your brow twitched, "Akira, you have to let me go back. I can't hold onto this madness forever or it'll escape again." 

He didn't look at you,

"I'm stalling." Another tear fell down the side of his cheek, "I'm sorry."

Cold rushed over your face as your heart thumped, nervous energy turning your stomach. "What do you mean?" You pronounced each syllable with deep staccato. 

"Time passes strangely in the space between souls. To him you've been missing for months, but we've only been talking for, what? An hour?" A deep sadness wavered his voice, "Asura's already here, he's just beyond my body now. I can hear every word." Before you could yell at him he held up a hand, head tilted slightly as he listened carefully, "he's going to kill me, but I won't let you die with me. It has to be the proper moment before I can let you go back to your body. I tried to tell you before but he's dangerous right now, I won't let him kill you even if it's by accident. Sobek needs to die first, and then they'll keep you safe."

"They who Akira?" Each word was tense.

"The Gorgon sisters. They'll keep you safe from him."

Now it was your heart's turn to break, "what the hell do you mean!"

Bright blue eyes looked almost electric against his shiny pink conea as he cried, "when he breaks that contract by killing one of the gorgon sisters it will become their job to keep you safe, because without you they can't control Asura."

"If you release me then no one will have to control anyone! I can stop him!"

"I don't know how to tell you this, but he's not what he was when you last saw him. He's something... else."

Some _thing_  else, not some _one_. That would imply some kind of personhood, and Akira no longer considered Asura a person. 

You grasped for his meaning, "What on earth do you..."

"Lord Death is going to seal him away until the Gorgons can release him and use him to create a world of madness. He did some unforgivable things on his mission away from you. If I let you go now then he might just lose it, you know how easy it is to manipulate him. Especially when it comes to you." His voice grew so small at the end. "He's been killing humans, and using their souls to gain strength in order to kill all three of the sisters at once and get you back. Madness has completely taken over." 

"No..." The word fell from your lips like delicately spun glass before shattering your already raw and broken heart, "No! He wouldn't do that!"

"If it means saving you from a perceived fate worse than death, he would. And that's what he tried to do, but instead it, um, well, it's corrupted him far beyond redemption." Akira was holding some detail back. You could tell, at your narrow, tearful eyes he gave in quickly to your silent demand,

"He's become a demon, a God of chaos and fear and madness. He's far beyond the control of a human like you."

You were about to say something snappish about being a weak little human, but Akira's eyes suddenly widened too wide, showing far too much of his whites as his pupils grew very small. He fell forward, but caught himself on his hands, blood flowed from his mouth suddenly. As he convulsed you gripped your package of madness more tightly. Then he looked up at you with just his blue eyes, "I've always loved you, even when I knew you'd eventually love someone else more. I don't care that you left, I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry I couldn't be better." He looked to the blood soaked sand with this desolate expression, "but now I have to go, and you have to go back to your body." A smirk crossed his lips, "I hope when I'm resurrected we can meet again and maybe I'll be able to make it all up to you somehow."

The words faded into silence as you felt a rush, like you'd been pushed down the stairs at a thousand miles per hour just to land in a soft catchers mitt. It took a second to realize where you were and why everything seemed so bright. You were back in your body, and just like Akira said, you were trapped.

Forever.

...

Everywhere.

He looked _everywhere_. He searched in places you'd never dream of hiding. Anxiety and fear were the most driving force in his body, they always were, but in the face of your potential death those emotions were incomprehensibly terrifying. They were vile and painful. He _needed_ to find you. He hadn't rested in weeks. You'd been gone for so long that even Lord Death had begun referring to you in the past tense, as if you were already dead. It was at that point that Asura turned his back on his father.

If that so-called God couldn't find you, then maybe the devil could. 

Sobek was still sleeping when he tore the twine from her sewn lips with two pinched fingers. The harrowing shriek was enough to make Asura take a step back, but not enough to damper his persistence. He threw the bloody twine to the ground and watched her writhe dispassionately.

"Where is she?" He demanded of the witch who held her mouth and glared up at him. 

Her lips were a ragged, bloody mess over sharp white teeth. "Ah, so she really _did_ stray..." The witch chortled, then answered, "I have no idea where she could be hiding." 

A bloody grin crossed her mouth as Asura lifted her by the front of her black cloak. "I will kill you."

"You think death would be worse than this mess? _Tsk_. I thought you would be smarter than that. _Oof_!" He dropped her on the ground and stood above with clenched fists at his sides.  

"Then rot alone for all eternity." He managed to say though his voice trembled with anger, turning to the door, thinking of his next step. 

"Wait!" She called from behind, "I wasn't lying. I don't know where she is, but I do know where you can find Akira. I will lead you there if you let me out."

Asura's eyes turned just enough that he could see her over his cheekbone, listening as she explained the location in great detail. He had no qualms with releasing her so long as her hands were still missing.

The real problem came when they found Akira. He was sitting with his legs crossed with his eyes closed and serene, and you were sitting before him similarly entrenched. Asura's eyes narrowed. This could well be another illusion. But when he pulsed his soul, the image didn't dissipate, it felt real enough but he couldn't imagine what would have driven you to enter Akira's mind. 

"Here," Sobek grinned. "The only issue is that he has her trapped in that noggin of his." She knocked on her own head with her arm stub as a demonstration, then she closed her eyes to listen for something. "Since I'm in his head as well, I can hear every thought that passes through. He insists that he'll never release her, not unless you kill him."

Asura was sure that this was a trap. He circled in behind you and crouched down to look at your face. It was drawn and tired, like you literally had not moved in months. If Sobek was being truthful, then that assumption might ring true. Asura looked to Akira, he looked similarly worn. 

A new voice echoed through the emptiness of the cavern, "she's trapped, I made sure of it."

Medusa stepped from the shadows with a snakelike grin. "Didn't you know? The downfall of being a sponge witch is that you risk being trapped for all eternity. In this case, the only way to force him to release your girl would be for Sobek to die or-"

Asura didn't look away from your still face as he held Vajra to the side and shot Sobek through the heart, killing her instantly and without a second thought. The witch dropped to her knees with blank white eyes before crashing to the dirt. Medusa watched with an annoyingly bored expression, "wow, I didn't expect that to go so easily." She giggled, childlike. "I was only joking, the only way to release your soul mate is to kill Akira. She is trapped in his mind, the moment his mind ceases to be, she will return to her own body." 

Whispers scratched loudly like mice running across glass, repeating and repeating against the walls of his skull. They suggested over and over again to just do it, deal with the consequences later. Kill him, kill him, _kill him_...

It didn't take long for him to deliberate. Vajra made quick work of the blonde man across from you and Asura just stood above with the slightest twinge of remorse as a blue soul floated in his place. An innocent soul. The only means for gaining power, the only means for killing the Gorgon sisters. The suggestion whispered in his mind, over and over and over again. It was making him dizzy. Vajra swallowed the soul with a displeased grunt. 

Then he looked to you, expecting your eyes to open any second. But he was disappointed by your stillness.

Medusa grinned from across the cavern, "you really are simple, aren't you?"

Asura's migraine had returned full force, he gripped his head and rocked gently back on his heels. The pain was too much. He couldn't think with all the noise. 

Medusa smiled and mumbled a spell, pointing a finger at you where you sat. Before Asura could lose his mind at her for casting spells on his lover, Medusa explained, "our big sister has her now."

Asura's brows pinched. 

"You poor thing. You really don't know who we are do you?" She sauntered around you and Asura without losing her menacing grin, she tilted her head to you with a teasing lilt to her voice. "She's our youngest sister, and you just made a big, _big_ boo boo by killing Sobek."

Gold eyes went wide. His heart clenched. He just broke the contract.

"Yes!" Medusa cackled, "We're her big sisters! And now she belongs to us, but don't you worry, Big Sis will take good care of her." She winked just as Asura started to point Vajra at her. Then, just as the hyperviolet ray struck her, she blinked from existence, taking you with her. 

After that, the story is old. It has been told so many times and so many ways that it grows tiresome to think of new metaphors. 

Asura, the first Fragment of Death, finally cracked. 

 


	7. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! So, this is the last one and it is very explicit. No shame. It isn't my ideal ending, but, to be honest, I got bored with this story and it's better to end it now than let it get weird. Happy reading!

_Monster, how should I feel?_  

* * *

"He's killed another innocent, what a pity. The transformation from man to beast is certainly breathtaking from this angle."

You had been listening to Arachne's banal commentary on Asura's fast descent into demonhood for several years and it was crushing you. She'd given you every horrible detail of his murders, the addictive nature power had on him, the way it tore away his connection to any sense of humanity; how the madness took over so completely. How he abandoned all emotion to become what he now was; something unrecognizably distorted you'd never recognize him.

"Oh well this is interesting." She began to say, "Lord Death has arrived."

You felt hopeful for the first time in months. Maybe Lord Death would...?

"Ah, you're about to feel some pain. Sorry." Arachne didn't sound apologetic.

White hot pain zipped up your nerves in a line down the center of your chest. It spread up toward your face, splitting it in half, and down tearing you apart. It felt like you were being peeled away... Like someone was tearing off your skin. A scream ripped from your throat and echoed endlessly in the darkness as your skin was pulled and stretched and torn.

Then it stopped.

You were curled in a ball, breathing haggardly as Arachne's voice emanated from above. "He's been skinned alive, I'm sure that didn't feel very nice." Your only answer was a choked sob. "When we unseal him you might be released to get him on our side. But I'm thinking of trying my own hand first, who knows, your peaceful energy might flow through me once he is reborn. That is, if your soul doesn't fade away first."

She was right, it could take centuries or millennia before someone managed to free Asura from a deal of Lord Death's caliber. It could be all of eternity.

"And if you die?" You muttered quietly into your forearms.

She took a moment to think on that one.

"Then I suppose it would release you.

Then she forced you to feel that same pain.

Again, again, and again.

A wretched sob ripped up your spine. All you could think was that a fight would always be the last interaction you had with Asura.

…

It felt like being thrown at the speed of sound with air ripping past your ears, colors blurred around you before pulsing into your body. And then instantly collapsed. Your muscles were uselessly atrophied but there was a person there, three pairs of feet were in front of you. A hand waves in front of your face, a cute blonde grinned like a child as you looked her over. You could just barely move, everything ached.

There was a dark haired young man as well, your heart nearly stopped in your chest when you finally got a decent look at him. He looked exactly like Asura, except the hair was a bit different. And he looked about 10 years younger.

He said your name, his voice was different and you were ashamed to be relieved: "it's a good thing we found you here before the pyramid could be sealed shut." He spoke as if you knew one another, "you're under the strict protection of Death City until we can determine what to do with you."

"W-what?"

Patty broke in, "You're under arrest you swine!"

You squeaked and begged the boy above you with your eyes.

Liz slapped her own face, "No she's not, that's just drastic."

Kid sighed at his weapons, "You are not under arrest, but you do have to come with us. Liz, Patty. Grab her, we're going."

The two women grabbed and arm each and lifted you over their shoulders and they jabbered to one another across your back.

"So what's Death City?" You asked meekly.

Liz answered, "it's where DWMA is located, a school for young meisters and weapons. Lord Death established it before you were sealed away."

"Right." Your expression fell, "is Asura okay?"

Everyone stopped and stared at you.

"What? I know he was sealed away too, I figured if I'm awake again you guys probably woke him up too."

"No, he's gone." Kid really did look remorseful, if only for you. "It's for the better. He's been sealed onto the moon, the reason you were woken was because Lord Death passed on."

"Passed... On...?" You repeated, disbelieving.

"Yes. We picked you up as a contingency plan, in case he's somehow able to escape we will be able to get him back under some kind of control." The golden eyed boy frowned, "We hope."

Great. You went from a witch's puppet, to this guy's. Though now that you really looked, it was uncanny how similar he looked to Asura, "Are you related to him somehow?"

Kid stood stock still, "We were both fragments of the same father."

Your gaze grew soft as the sisters dragged you along, "You're his brother then." You smiled just a bit at the way he flinched away from the word, "you are far more mild mannered."

"We were created from two differing pieces of my father and I have the great honor of taking his position as Shinigami."

You didn't miss the way he emphasized _'my_ father'. It was easy to guess that Kid hated Asura for a good reason.

"You also have a much more respectful way of referring to Lord Death. Asura couldn't stand him."

Remorse was still lingering in Kid's expression as he glanced over his shoulder at you, "Yeah, I know."

You learned of the many atrocities Asura had committed, how many people he killed and how mad he became. It broke your heart to learn everything from your new friends. They were very welcoming, but Asura's crimes were a heavy weight. You were given an apartment, fully paid for by DWMA considering your purpose. It made you feel less than human in a way, as if they were keeping you in a high cabinet like a loaded gun 'just in case'. You were not asked to go on missions though you sometimes volunteered in 'permitable circumstances'.

Though it often felt like a prison, you had to admit Lord Death had come up with a brilliant school though he was no longer around to see it flourish. The days dragged and all you could do was wait for the apocalypse or for the sun to explode. Anything to end the mind numbing monotony.

And then the moon landing happened.

American humans went up into the sky, broke through the atmosphere and reached the one place they needed to stay away from. Crona was unable to do anything about it when they dug deep enough through the black blood to reach the moons dusty surface. And after that it was just chaos.

Red eyes, three of them, were the last thing those astronauts would ever see.

…

You made friends, but promptly lost them when they learned who and _what_ you were. You were a teacher briefly, but then too many parents complained and Kid judiciously asked you to step down. It was a blow to your ego, but you understood. You weren't supposed to exist without your other half, and he was a murderous monster that was currently sealed to the moon with black blood. If that wasn't the plot of a bad horror movie you didn't know what was.

Running around like a chicken with its head cut off was the only thing that kept you out of that lonely apartment.

The issue arose when you were alone with your thoughts. You felt lost. Nothing felt right. You were floating around without a purpose and it sucked. It felt as if all the color of the world had been zapped away and now you just had to wait until a freak accident killed you. _Lame_.

You missed the days when Death would send you all over the world keeping peace. But these days were different. Those little villages melded into huge countries with laws and criminal justice systems of their own. The DWMA was in the middle of nowhere USA.

You crept along at night, unable to sleep. You'd been spending most of your nights learning to knit lately. Just something, _anything_ to distract from the emptiness.

You had a plastic smile that came out around the others. Kid and his friends would invite you out and about, but he was very careful about where and with whom. He didn't want to be the reason you got upset or left. That had happened enough times. He just thought you were being annoying at first but he eventually gathered that it was a little bit of traumatic stress, you didn't get upset on purpose. Sometimes Kid just reminded you so much of him that you had to get away as fast as you could. Something about his intonation or the look in his eye made you want to cry.

You kicked rocks as you walked through those empty streets at night. Stein and Marie's child was screaming again, he wasn't the best sleeper. So you sent a pulse of calming energy. The sobbing died down until they were little sniffles and coos.

Those two deserved some rest.

You wondered about a lot of things. You wondered what would have happened if you'd never accepted Asura. If you'd just lived your life with Akira and went on unaware of your purpose forever. You would have been perfectly content like that; you'd have gotten married, had children, and then maybe you'd have died eventually in some accident. And then Asura would have gone insane anyway. You sighed. What a plight to be saddled with at birth. It made it astronomically worse that you loved him so desperately, he was everything and now he was gone. For everyone else's sake, you almost hoped he would stay that way.

You went on a date with some guy from the school. It didn't do anything for you, it just made you realize how deep you had sunk. And how much you wished the world was different, how much you wished you could just go back in time.

Three years passed in that sad, empty haze. You grew close with Maka. Somehow she seemed to know what you were thinking even when you didn't. She was such a strong woman and you couldn't help to be a little bit envious.

"Trust your strength," she said as if it was as easy as breathing, "you keep fighting yourself, it's not your fault this happened. It's no ones fault. Things just happen sometimes and there's no one to blame."

You sighed heavily as Soul clipped through the TV channels. "I wish Asura was never born."

"'Created'" Soul corrected.

Maka shot him a look and he shrunk against the arm of the couch, she looked back to you with a pleasant smile and one finger raised, "but then Lord Death might not have been able to remain just and orderly. As scary as it is, the Kishin had to be... created."

Your heart palpated at that word.

Kishin.

It wasn't a real word before Asura. They had to come up with a word to describe his particular flavor of evil. The sweet faced green eyed girl noticed your reaction and she touched your hand lightly, "the world must be hard to comprehend after being locked away for so long, can you tell me what's changed since you fell asleep?"

Fell asleep?!

What hadn't changed? You appreciated her effort, "can we start with air conditioning? In Jericho it's a thousand degrees and the only way to keep yourself from cooking was to lay in water." You smiled at some random memory, but your humor fell when the image of a smiling Asura came to mind. You were told he looked different now that he was a demon. You shook your head a little, "I guess the most different thing is that he's not here, it's the only thing I can't get used to."

Soul rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath and Maka smacked his arm, "I can't even imagine. But it's much better this way, he's too dangerous for the world. Crona is doing such a good job keeping him sealed up there."

"Crona." You repeated the name, "the one with the black blood, right?"

"Yeah, Medusa's child."

"Poor thing, that woman was horrendous."

Maka's eyes grew absent, "You have no idea what she put that kid through."

You tried to give a smile but it fell flat when your eyes caught the flashing T.V. screen. "Can you just pick a channel?" You snapped at Soul who just glared at you from under his arm, deliberately changing the channel faster.

You teased each other but you and Soul actually did get along. He was dating Maka so of course he had to spend time with you. He wished you had a cool boyfriend so he'd have someone to buffer all the girl talk but he understood why you couldn't find anyone. He was kind to you in his own way. Being supportive is what cool guys do.

Maka was a breed all her own. You'd heard stories of how she'd stood up to the Kishin so bravely that it made his concentration slip, you know, because she was just a lowly human and all. It made you cringe to hear her retell the tale, knowing intimately how he despised humans. You were both proud and furious with her. It was pretty confusing. You knew in your mind that he was dangerous, but your heart still refused to believe it.

You went home later that day with your eyes turned to the ground. Marie and Stein would be coming by soon with their little one and you needed to set up your guest bedroom. You'd promised them a night off so you'd fulfill that promise without complaint.

You took a shower and ran a towel through your hair as you stepped into your underthings. Marie would be here in an hour, but everything was prepared. Bottles, the crib, movies, toys, books... As you rattled off the list you wiped the fog from your bathroom mirror with a stunted scream as a large hand covered your mouth. Three painted vertical eyes stared at you through the mirror, only a very pale mouth exposed, frowning at the corners as his other arm reached around you.

You spun, wide eyed, to find... nothing?

Your heart throbbed fast and loud as you scanned the little room with your eyes, leaning back against the sink. A hallucination. You sighed at the little nugget of disappointment in your belly and you turned back to the mirror.

But he was still standing there, looking at you from beneath his scarves. He still wore that red and black pinstriped shirt and white, three eyed gloves. You didn't say anything.

This was a hallucination. It wasn't real.

Great. Now you were finally beginning to go crazy from love sickness. You flinched when you watched in the mirror as he tugged those gloves free with his teeth, ending with a broad smirk. The feeling of his hand as it slid over your hip certainly felt real, and so painfully familiar.

Naturally as breathing you leaned into the touch, it felt firm and solid and buzzed with that mad excitement. You reminded yourself that you were probably dreaming, you'd probably passed out in the shower or something.

You wanted to say something, but you didn't want this illusion to disappear. Not even when two fingers slipped along your pantie line toward your front, slowly sinking lower under the thin cloth. Two fingers were tightly inserted into you, it was a tight fit even with the abundant moisture accumulated there. Your hips rocked back against him and your breath quickened as he set a silent pace, pressing his long fingers inside of you, stretching you the way you liked as his thumb found your clit and rubbed slow, lazy circles over it. You felt his other hand working on his pants, then you felt them fall away as a particularly hard bit of his anatomy touched you from behind. His fingers left you and smoothed around your back before pushing you forward hard against the pedestal sink, shoving the white cloth out of the way. You gasped at the cold porcelain on your chest as he shifted your hips with both hands, tilting them back and up into a vulgar angle. You blushed a little, keeping your eyes on the mirror to watch the vague expressions from beneath his scarves.

If this was your imagination, you never wanted to wake up.

A set of fingers stretched your panties and pushed the seat of them aside, popping the seam a few times as a toothy smirk stretched over his mouth. You felt him then. He shifted his hips forward, stretching you around his tip inch by inch. At first the feeling was agonizingly tight, but with a few persistent thrusts he was able to push into you without pause. You clenched your eyes and bit your lips together to keep from shouting your pleasure. If this was a dream, the last thing you needed was the neighbors to think you'd gone loopy.

Wet, heavy slapping came from behind with each forceful stroke. His hips were angled in that perfect way that always made you finish fast. It felt like a scream waiting to be released, like a tension wire that needed to be snapped. His broad hands overtook your hips and he pulled you back to meet him. Each inch filled you with a deep stretching ache as your walls formed around him tightly. You hadn't been with him in nearly a thousand years. Of course you were going to ache. And it felt good. You were feeling that burning heat around the edges of your opening as you stretched around him painfully. And delightfully.

His rhythm increased, but far more impressive was the twinge of perfect pain as he curved deep up toward your spine. His fingertips dug into your flesh and one set of fingers moved around you to rotate gently over that sensitized wet bundle of nerves. A gasp escaped as you shot to a standing position, reacting to the cold electricity between your legs. His other hand gripped a breast as you began to tremble with adrenaline. Pleasure teetered like an avalanche off a cliff. At first it was slow, then all at once. You reached over your shoulder to grip the back of his neck and your nails scratched his skin as you came. He tensed behind you and suddenly you were slumped over that sink again with a warm body behind you, the area where your bodies met dripped with fluids that fell drop by drop to the tiled floor. You caught your breath before looking back to the mirror, and he was gone.

You panted and wondered when you'd wake up, usually your little wet dreams ended at your climax.

Your brow fell as you felt yourself, you were really raw and stretched as if you'd actually just had sex. There really was a thick fluid inside of you. Now you were a bit nervous. There really hadn't been anyone behind you, it was an illusion or a dream. A scary realization hit you as you started to feel the blowback from Asura's old madness, your vision grew brighter and your skin felt more sensitive.

A frightening reality slowly crept up your spine. Perhaps the true illusion was that no one was there.

You used your towel to clean yourself of those mystery fluids with a strange sense in the pit of your stomach.

 _Mystery fluids_. What an uncomfortable thought.

…

Kid woke to the harsh sound of a screaming baby. He shot up to look around. The sound stopped. A dream? No, it was too real.

There was the eerie sound of unbidden footsteps falling closer until they stopped before the door. The doorknob jingled and Kidd nudged Liz and Patty awake. They stayed in his room for this exact reason.

The door opened and revealed ...teeth. And white, ruddy scarves. Kidd didn't bother thinking, he just shot. And shot and shot and shot but it didn't hold the Kishin back. The demon only stopped when he was standing just before him, mouth open and drooling as his arm whipped out to clutch his smaller brothers throat, drawing him closer and closer to that wide open mouth.

And then Kidd woke up.

It was a dream. He looked to either side to see his weapons sleeping soundly. A strange feeling wormed through his stomach and the girls both writhed in their sleep, they were having nightmares too. Gold eyes narrowed, what the hell is going on?

And then he heard your voice coming from his bathroom. He clambered out of bed to see that you'd dialed him, but left the line open. He could hear you speaking with someone, chastising them.

"… I doubt anyone else could get you on your knees as fast as me." There was confident amusement in your voice as you spoke.

After a moment of listening, Kid heard another, far deeper voice, and his blood chilled his veins.

"... Is my appearance really so disturbing?" The Kishin asked you, but Kid didn't want to wait to hear your answer. He woke Patty and Liz and flew as fast as he could to your apartment.

…

Up there, through the soft light of a standing lamp your silhouette was visible. Your two windows showed the layout of your whole apartment. It was dangerous really. A monster lacking any moral standing might just watch to figure out where your bathroom stood, and wait until you were perfectly softened by the hot running shower before taking advantage of your unceasing desire for him.

Asura smirked at the memory of that confused expression as you looked over your bare shoulder at him.

It was the middle of the night but you were still up, for some reason Asura expected you would be. You likely knew he was nearby just as he had known you were. It puzzled him that you were truly alive and walking about as you hummed a tune happily. When he made his way into your apartment he was unable to help himself. You were so readily available to him and he wanted you badly, you didn't seem to mind the invasion. Though, after realizing he'd tricked you you probably did feel a certain level of unease.

He couldn't move his feet, he just wanted to watch you flounce about your apartment forever. That is, until the screams shrieked. You dropped your head as you disappeared from view briefly. When you reappeared you were holding a small child.

It felt like dying.

The little thing squealed happily when you kissed it's cheeks. Darkness filled Asura's chest cavity. He'd never actually wanted to kill a child before that very moment. So many thoughts spun through his erratic mind. Where did it come from? Was it yours? Who got you pregnant? Were you seeing someone? Why would you want to see anyone? Wasn't he good enough?

No. He wasn't good enough.

You pointed to the city lights out your window, entirely missing the lower deity standing on the street below. Just being near you was enough to give restraint, of course the one moment he didn't want to feel your chains they sunk into his flesh like manacles. He should have stolen you earlier when he visited and you were just so vulnerable, naked and alone. But he didn't. A frown found his lips. He had no choice but to watch you laugh at the little creatures antics from the streets below with a foreign sense of forlorn pain.

Marie had been very specific about her son's sleep schedule but he was fighting you every step of the way. She and Stein were away for the weekend, you'd foolishly opted to watch their toddler. He was very cute with bright eyes and pale, blushing cheeks. You twirled with him, dancing as you sang him a little tune, " _you are my sunshine, my only sunshine..._ "

The little boy was pointing in a particular direction and you giggled as you looked but that laugh was short lived.

The dark figure standing in your hallway arch made your stomach drop and tighten your grip on the little one. Your eyes had to be deceiving you.

He was fucking terrifying.

"Hello." He said from the shadow behind the wall.

At least his voice sounded the same.

"Hey Asura." You trembled lightly as you thought of what to do with the baby in your arms. Marie trusted you to keep her son safe and you would fulfill that promise. "You look... Different."

He looked up and down his arms before looking to you again with all three eyes, you were really surprised that he let his scarves down. Slightly more surprised by his lack of eyebrows. "It's not too bad, I've seen much worse." The fluttering in your chest only grew more erratic when he stepped into the light. His eyes were as red as the gallons blood he'd spilled as they looked to the scared little boy in your grip. "What is this?" His hand fanned out to indicate to you and the little one and you held the little boy a little tighter, flipping him to look over your shoulder.

"I'm babysitting for Marie and Stein."

A hint of relief touched his expression, "Who?"

"They are a meister and weapon couple from the city." You tried to keep your jaw from chattering but your voice squeaked and gave you away.

Asura frowned, cocking his head just a bit. He took a step closed and you backed away. His hand outstretched halfheartedly with a touch of pain in his expression, "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Why should I believe that after your earlier display?" You tried to remain vague about those mystery fluids since you were holding a small, impressionable child.

His middle eye closed, almost disappearing and his lids fell a little, looking a bit more despondent than you thought possible in this frightening form. "I couldn't help myself, you were so soft and warm," a smile pulled the corner of his lips, "and so _very_ wiling." Though he was trying to appear amused, remorse settled somewhere in those strangely slit red eyes, "you know I'd rather tear off my own limbs than harm you of all people."

The look in your eye told him you didn't believe it. The little boy in your arms was whining and struggling to get down.

"Can I bring him somewhere so you and I can talk more freely?" Asura's head tilted forward in allowance so you took slow steps around him into the hall. Then you disappeared into a back room and quickly dialed the bathroom mirror to Kid's number.

You just left it open, he'd figure it out.

Once the little one was set up in his bed you returned to your living room to find Asura touching all of your stuff. You blushed furiously, "Stop that!"

His hand lifted away from a picture frame like he was shocked and dropped a, "sorry."

Every nerve in your body demanded that you move closer, but every bit of self preservation screamed at you to run away as fast as you could. It resulted in a very frozen person. You couldn't make yourself move until Asura slunk close enough to feel the heat of his body. He looked down from high above, it was easy to forget how tall he was. It made you feel so insignificant in comparison.

The back of one finger smoothed down the side of your face and you found your sense, slapping the hand away and taking a firm step back. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Finding solace." 

"And what in your _very_ fucked up mind makes you think you deserve _solace_?"

He blinked those blood red vespertine eyes once, surprised at your aggression.

"And how did you even get free?" You asked with a firm voice, all of your fear dropped away with each word until your finger poked the center of his chest. "If I find out you hurt anyone in this city I'll make sure you are sealed away permanently."

An unimpressed brow ridge rose, "And how would you propose to do that? How many years have these humans tried and each time they fail." His head tilted a little to the side before swooping close to your face. "You have nothing but illusions and tricks. You have no real strength, nothing can contain a god forever."

Soft fingertips rested on the edge of his jaw and his tense position dropped. His hand came around yours, he pressed his lips to your knuckle. You lowered your hand gently until he was on his knees, holding that hand before his lips as you tilted his chin with the other.

You smirked down at him, "I may not be strong, but I doubt anyone else could get you on your knees quite so fast."

He didn't even try to look upset, he just kissed your fingertips and leaned his forehead to the back of your hand. You got the willies when you felt that third eye there but you tried not to show it.

"Does my appearance really disturb you so much?"

You gulped, "You're not as pretty, that's for sure."

All of his eyes were shut now. If you didn't know better you'd think he was praying. "My younger brother has arrived."

You didn't expect the sadness you felt at that statement. You didn't want him to leave. You didn't want him to hurt your friends. "Please just leave. Kid is my friend, and so are Liz and Patty and the others."

He didn't move from his spot. But you could feel him thinking hard about something.

"I can't do that." Was all he said. Your heartbeat sputtered when the door crashed in, shards of wood scattered everywhere as Kid shot through it.

Asura rose like the dead and you took a step or two back, guarding the back hall containing the sleeping baby. You had your arms out like wings and hunkered down.

Kid glanced at you from the corner of his eye, "You okay?" You nodded without looking away from the demon in your living room. It made your very soul ache to see him so wrong. This wasn't the person you fell in love with, but you still wanted him safe. Was his safety more important than everyone else?

No. It wasn't.

"Asura." You spoke his name and all three eyes shifted to you. "We should leave."

Kidd's face grew furious. "Don't you dare go with him."

Asura's red eyes slid back to his younger brother with a hateful glare.

You shook your head, "You can't keep me here Kid. Please Asura." You weren't above begging when there was an innocent child in the other room. "Please, let's just go."

The Kishin was torn. He wanted to kill Kid, but he also didn't want to give up his only chance to abscond with his soul mate.

"Kid; Marie and Stein's boy is here. It's too risky to fight in his presence." Your eyes flickered back to the taller man, "Asura, I'll follow you anywhere, just please leave that little one out of this."

And with that, Kid stepped away from the door, both guns trained on Asura as he ambled easily through, glancing once to you to see if you were telling the truth. As scared as you were, you didn't lie. You did follow him, but not before shooting a wide frightful look to the new Lord of Death. In that moment he understood that this was temporary. You had this under control.

You followed each step silently until Asura's bare feet touched the cool cobblestone street. At which point he turned to look over his shoulder, "Your humanity is as halting as ever, perhaps consider reigning it in a little before you end up getting yourself killed again. Stay here with your little human friends. I have no reason to stay here."

You shook your head violently, "No, we need to talk and this isn't the right place, let's go somewhere. Anywhere."

One minute you were looking up at a terrifying three eyed demon, the next you were several hundred feet in the air. You crushed Asura's very solid neck with your arms, every muscle was tight as a wire. Your face buried against his clothes to hide from the choking wind.

It felt like you were only in the air for a moment, but suddenly you were let down lightly on your feet somewhere totally different. A damp pine forest.

"If you go due east for 70 miles you'll be back at the gates." Asura directed you as he passed, walking away from you.

"Hey." You said, trying to get his attention. But he just kept walking, "Hey!" You scrambled over a fallen tree after his retreating form. "Don't you walk away from me! I deserve an explanation!"

Asura's snarling face suddenly appeared millimeters from yours, "You deserve an explanation? You think I _want_ to be this?" His voice was even scary, "How are you alive?"

The air caught in your throat. He was right.

Tears welled up in your eyes and Asura slid away from you to destroy a tree. It exploded into shards the moment his fist met its bark, you ducked to avoid flying branches as it crashed to the forest floor. You followed your legs down until you were a sobbing mess in the underbrush.

"It was Arachne." You choked, Asura went very still. "She trapped me. I was only released when you killed Akira, but then I was sent back to my body. But because you killed Sobek, I was trapped there and Arachne tortured me. I was only released when Lord Death died because it nullified the contract for good." Cool tears streamed down your cheeks and your chin shuddered. "I wanted to die, I wanted someone to kill my body so I could just disappear. At least then I wouldn't have had to worry about reincarnation, I wouldn't have to keep feeling your skin being torn from your body. She made me relive it every day, every inch of skin separated and pulled and stretched." Your voice finally skidded to a stop as you sobbed hard into your hands. You could hear your pathetic cries echoing from tree to tree and it made you cry even harder to hear your pathetic cries. Then long thin arms wrapped around you tightly. Holding all of your pieces together, it made you forget about all of that pain and your sobs waned to sniffles.

He didn't make a sound, he just held you and that was more than you'd expected. His face smushed to the top of your head.

"I didn't know." He whispered into the strands of your hair. "Medusa, she... I felt you die. I never thought I needed to look for you."

You answered quietly and you enjoyed his familiar smell. "That was the point, they wanted you to lose it. she wanted to use me to manipulate you once they could unseal you, but things got too complicated too fast." You rested your head against his shoulder. "Arachne is the devil."

He stilled again.

"Before anything else I have to say something." He said, holding you so tight thy you couldn't look at him. He didn't want to watch your heart break so soon after getting you back, "it's about Arachne..."

And somehow you just knew what had happened. He didn't even have to say the words.

You shoved him back, "Arachne?! Seriously! Of all hellish horrible women you pick the one who tortured me?" This time your tears weren't from sadness. You were furious. "Don't you dare look at me like that."

Out of courtesy for your sensibilities Asura kept his third eyes pinned shut. He didn't want you to be afraid of him. No matter how awful he was, and he knew it, he didn't want to see you flinching from his touch or the fearful glint in your eyes. But he knew he'd done enough harm to push you away forever.

You were on your feet. Yelling and screaming your heart out, pacing and twirling. Not looking at Asura even once. You were too disgusted. Your stomach turned at the thought, "Why! Why her!"

He shrunk to maybe a fifth of his normal size. He didn't really know. There wasn't a "why" in his decision making at that time. He'd just been set free and she was nice to him. That was honestly the only reason and he knew it wasn't good enough. No reason would be good enough.

Those tears in your eyes were angry and betrayed, they weren't the sad ones you'd had earlier. He wanted to make it all better, but that wasn't in his nature. It was in yours.

"You know what? Never mind. I don't want to know."

"You were dead." He said just a bit louder than he intended and you stopped your angry pacing to glare at him. He glared back, "In my mind you were dead and gone. I'm not human, I am a Kishin. A demon. I don't feel anything, not the way I used to. Emotions are difficult to come by and to feel anything at all was a miracle."

"So you feel nothing?" Your voice was small and fragile and it made the demon before you feel like something worse than scum.

The Kishin shook his head slowly, "they're vague, more like suggested emotions. I can't feel them the way I could before I became this."

Your eyes fell to the dirt, eyes searching for something as your chin and throat crumpled with emotion. "But I still do." You were still so quiet. "I feel everything, my heart physically hurts because of everything you've done. It physically aches because you're this and I still love you." Your hand went to the middle of your chest to feel your heart beating, it felt like it was ripping in half with each slow beat. "That's why you were with Arachne... You don't love me. You just love power."

That hurt. And it hurt _bad_. So badly that Asura winced, holding you by the shoulders to make you look at him. He never wanted you to think something like that. "T-that's not it. Don't say that."

Two fat tears fell from your eyes and you shook your head, . "I don't understand any of this. I feel like a relic from another time. Like I was shot into the future and the only thing familiar is some distorted nightmare of the man I love. I feel like I'm being pulled apart into nothing." Asura looked at you like he had no idea what to do. Your eyes fell to the ground as you asked, "Do you love her?"

An old memory of Akira snapping your neck crossed his mind, leaving a desperate feeling in his chest. "What?"

"Arachne, stupid!"

"No. Not even close." He spoke softly, "I know how you're feeling. The world changed while we were locked away and everything is different. Even Lord Death was different before he died, I almost wish you could have seen him it was so ridiculous." The slightest waning smile found the curve of his lips as he watched you with those strange eyes. His hand slid over your hand and he glided closer.

A finger rose and halted his progress, "Asura. We aren't friends, and we certainly aren't lovers. There are so many things wrong here." Your face probably looked completely miserable. "Starting with all of those people you've killed, then tricking me into having sex with you, and ending with you tripping and falling into Arachne's vagina..."

His bald brow ridge dropped at your gruff wording, "what do you mean? I didn't fall into her, she just kissed me."

Your whole expression fell and you tried (failingly) to suppress your giggles. He didn't catch your humor, "Nothing about this is funny."

A laugh spurted through your lips and you couldn't hold back the bubbles of laughs. "Holy hell!" You were nearly in tears, doubling over, leaning your whole weight against Asura's chest as you fell apart. "Yes it is. It's hilarious. Oh you have no idea." You could only speak through ragged breaths between fits of laughter. "You poor little cinnamon bun, you have no clue about anything do you?"

Asura was amazingly confused as you laughed so hard you could barely breathe. But he was okay with it as long as you kept your hand on his heart.

"I thought you fucked her!"

Asura choked. "Why the hell would I do something like that?!"

He didn't appreciate that your laughing kicked up a gear with every word he said. But he was getting a little concerned as it grew more difficult for your to suck in air between soundless laughs.

"Most men don't admit to something like kissing the way you did. You're too cute I can barely stand it."

... Cute? That was one thing Asura never expected to be called. He was just happy to see you smiling, it added some sunshine to his soul. Happy. What an emotion to feel after all of this time.

Asura interrupted your laughter with a strange request, "disappear with me."

"Huh?"

"I can survive without taking souls for eons. I'd like to spend that time with you."

You hated the way he phrased that. "Where would we go?"

"Anywhere you want. I don't care, just come with me."

You shook your head, "the souls you've consumed deserve to be at rest."

He watched your face for a minute before determining that you were far more important, "I'll let the new lord of death take them from me."

You blinked twice. Unsure if you were really hearing this. "Why the change of heart?"

"Life has no point without you. All I've ever wanted was a world without fear," his hands slid down your arms to grasp your hands, "you are the only one who can create that world for me."

"You know Kid won't be very happy with this plan."

"He only cares that I'm neutralized and the souls within me are put to rest. Once we're gone it won't matter to him anymore."

He was right. You nodded in agreement. "I'll be the middleman. You two can't be in the same room together or you'll kill each other."

"I wouldn't be able to kill him anymore. He's too strong as the new shinigami." You were surprised at that admission.

"Either way, I'll ask him to do this. But I need your promise that you won't hurt any more innocent people."

Asura lowered his head, "I promise."

You nodded with a small smile. "It's going to be hard to get used to those eyes. They're a real trip."

"Yeah, not so easy to see out of either." He tried giving a failed smile, "and they're definitely not the strangest change."

"What could be stranger than three eyes?" Your eyes went wide, "do you have an extra penis?"

Asura's mouth fell open at your disturbing excitement at such a prospect, "no, you bawdy woman, I was suggesting more internal changes."

"Oh. Right. Anyway." You coughed a little with a blush, "what kinds of internal changes?"

The two of you talked for a long time, about everything, even those hard topics that made both of you uncomfortable. Like, what happened to Akira and how was Arachne able to manipulate Asura. You discussed how it was wrong to try and make everyone live by any set of rules, including Asura's idealized vision of what a world of madness might entail. He recognized in the calm haze of your presence that he was doing the same thing as Lord Death, just from the opposite end of the spectrum.

You found yourself falling asleep against him on the forest floor, using one of Asura's shirts as a pillow, another as a blanket. He held you tightly and kiss you time and time again, reminding himself that you really were here. You finally felt emotions, the colors came back to the world and you could finally laugh again. You'd go to Kid tomorrow to decide how to move forward, it was going to be hard to convince everyone in Death City that you had the Kishin under control. But with the strange demonic man holding you like something precious, like something he'd gladly die for, it felt like anything was possible.

* * *

_A/N: And thats a wrap! I hope you guys enjoyed. I might just write some drabbles here and there but we'll see if I actually post them. Leave a comment if you liked it, hated it, would like to see something changed, whatever! Thanks for reading :)_


	8. All Time Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just posting some random drabbles I've written about this pairing because I enjoy writing them so much.

 

_You're the reason I'm alone and masturbate._

* * *

 

A pair of vespertine red eyes climbed your legs with a pinched expression. "Please don't do that." He muttered with a warning tone, flinching to a pause as he wandered into the freshly painted living room where you were bent and slowly sinking into the proper alignment of Downward Dog. His hand instantly covered his mouth to keep from acting on the next thing that popped into his mind.

You knew what you were doing; you were testing the limits of a dangerous killing machine. You were desperate to feel him against you and help to mend the estrangement you felt. Yet, at the same time, you could understand his hesitance.

Your spine arched a little more as you stretched, bending through the backs of your legs into a low yoga position on all fours, curving your back with a slowly sinking cat stretch. Yoga was one of the many things you’d mastered during your lonely years without your soul mate and it was finally coming to use.

Asura's breathing picked up behind you, the popping snap of his toothbrush between his fingers made you wince a little before you heard his steps quickly evacuate the area and flowed into Child’s Pose.

A smirk flitted across your lips. This was way more fun than it should have been. In this second life you loved to torture Asura just as much as you did the first time. You'd gone so long without his touch and now he was so afraid of hurting you that he refused to let you come to close.

A shudder trembled over the curvature of your back when a pair of very large hands enveloped your hips, a large presence hovered close and warm against your back. His voice was husky and strained when he breathed across the side of your neck, pleading and desperate: "Stop, _now_." 

Your eyes rolled and you wiggled your butt against him to feel every muscles in his body constrict, including your favorite one. A teasing smile came to your lips. "What? Can't handle a little yoga?"

He slid away with a muted groan and you turned to catch the edge of his shirt before he could retreat. You felt his heartbeat hammering through the small bit of flesh that met the edge of your fingers.

He eyed you like a foolish child with a fork near an outlet. "You truly don't understand how similar Kishin are to predatory animals. I'm beginning to think you need a lesson,” the spindly man’s expression darkened a shade, “Self defense might be a good start."

Brows dropped and curious you asked, "What do you...? Oh." The realization hit you. He felt that you needed to know how to defend yourself against him if necessary. "You wouldn't hurt me, I trust you."

"That’s a childish resolve. How can you trust someone who doesn’t trust himself?" His red eyes were dangerous as they slid over your flexed and stretched body; the way you looked up made him want to run far away. You wore a second skin of clothes that made it very difficult to control certain...  _urges_. Asura looked away, finding the backs of his hands incredibly interesting to ignore an incredibly dangerous and pressing set of instincts. "If you want me to kill you, keep going with this foolish game.” His voice softened just enough to know he was at the end of his rope. “Don't do things like this to get my attention; I can't control my mind or body under certain stressors. It's not safe to do... this...." his face slowly dusted pink as you crawled up to your knees, grabbing the front of his pants, only your eyes upturned.

"Are you sure you want me to stop?" You smirked at his heavy gulp, looking up over your lashes to his pale, frightened face. "You don't seem very dangerous from this angle."

He eased to your level, long limbs jutting to the sides as he took your face between his hands firmly. "We came up with rules for a reason. I can’t follow mine if you don’t follow yours."

Ahh yes. You did remember agreeing to those conditions. 

 

1.) Do not pressure one another into new situations without **VERBAL** consent.

2.) Make all wants and needs **VERBALLY** known. (“I thought you wanted me to pick the living room color…?” he replied to your incredulous expression at the dark elephant grey walls you now had to repaint.)

3.) Do _not_ ask about anything that happened while sealed away. (“How did you like living on the moon? I hear the weather’s pretty nice up there around this time of year.”)

4.) If there is to be a major change in the current living situation, one must submit the change to the other 7 days in advance. (“Hey, Asura, we’re signing a lease tomorrow so try not to scare away the new landlords!”)

 

They were simple really, but you had a very hard time with rules 1 and 2. There were some things you just assumed he would pick up on the same way he did before.

The first night you moved in together you learned that things were going to take some time to settle down.

You'd only pressed a kiss to his cheek while he was sleeping, but then you were suddenly pinned hard to the door with part of your dress clenched and tearing in his hard fist. Of course at the time you thought he was just being indelicate, you didn't realize until after that he'd lost all control. He hadn't touched you since then and it was seriously bothering you. All you wanted in the world were his hands all over you. 

The strain in his movement was obvious. Every wiry muscle was taut as a rubber band ready to snap. He moved in small twitches, ensuring absolute control over every last fraction of a movement. It made you feel awful for pushing him to his limit of control.

"You seem afraid to be alone with me." 

His face grew solemn, "I _am_ afraid. You're far more delicate than I am, I could kill you with the smallest miscalculated motion." His fingers gently combed through the hair beside your ear before cupping your cheek.

Your eyes were wide and childlike, "but you were fine that time in the shower-"

He winced and backed away with his hands up in surrender, "that  _was not_  fine. I manipulated you into doing what I wanted, I wouldn’t have stopped even if you wanted me to. That's not safe or healthy for either of us."

You hated when he was right. It was hard to remember how scared and angry you were when you first realized what had actually happened that night. The unbelievable drive to push him down and do what you wanted with him was far stronger than any instinct you'd ever felt before. But he shoved you between a rock and a hard place when he brought up his own unmanageable instincts.

He _would_ hurt you. There were no If’s, And’s, or But’s about it. In fact, the exact thinly spoken words he used were: “I will fuck you bloody if you push me too far, who knows, maybe you’ll die.”

All of that time had passed and so much anger and sadness had passed between you two that it was hard to move forward without taking many, many steps back first. Steps you were reluctant to take.

Kid was not the hugest fan of letting Asura live, but you'd proved over the past month that you could tame the beast with impressive ease. There were a lot of rules and regulations that came along with loving the world's most dangerous being. It was straining on your slowly healing relationship. Especially since you couldn't fuck his brains out like you so badly wanted. 

“Can we just watch a movie instead?” He asked and you laughed a little, disappointed in your flatlining seduction techniques.

"Yeah, sure," you grinned and he looked like he knew what you were about to say. "Let's watch Dirty Dancing."

 This was going to be a long, long journey.


	9. Make Up

_I get under your skin, babe, just because._

* * *

The weather never changed much wherever you lived. First it was Damascus, then Jericho, then DWMA, now Arizona.

Asura hadn't given many restrictions on where to settle down, only, "Hot and dry." But you knew he wouldn't want to stay too close to DWMA. He was still pretty pissed that he had to give up the souls he'd taken through the years, which caused a number of arguments between the two of you over the past few months.

You got together with your DWMA friends pretty frequently, but for the most part it was just you and Asura trying to force things back to the way they were before to no abide. It helped that you received a stipend for your 'work'; it was the only reason you were able to stay at this hotel for so long. It didn't really feel like work since you just got to have sleep overs with your best friend. Kid thought you were crazy for referring to your living situation as such. To your credit you had not been around when Asura went awol the first or second time so you had zero frame of reference. Some people were completely amazed by your ability to keep him relatively calm, especially since you had yet to meet up with Kid to have his stolen souls taken away. To you he was incredibly erratic, he'd only ever been gentle and calm around you so now to see him rebelling against your calming aura, well, it left weird taste in your mouth.

"Want pizza?"

Asura lifted his invisible brow, he'd never heard of such a thing.

"It's awesome, dough baked on brick with tomato sauce and cheese. Mm." You were drooling just thinking about it. "I'm calling. You'll like it. If you don't I'll disown you."

He smiled but didn't laugh. He was only a little scared that you might be serious. "The new Shinigami wouldn't be very pleased if you abandoned me."

You knew he was joking but the nugget of fear made you a little sad. You were still getting used to this, you really loved Asura but sometimes you needed to go to DWMA without him just to be around other people with real emotions, like Maka and Marie.

But he didn't need know about that.

After ordering you started throwing everything scattered about the hotel room back into your suitcase.

"Anyway," you watched Asura eyeballing the furnishings like they might bite him as he examined every inch of the place. "Maybe I should do all the talking tomorrow. I'm not sure how happy they'll be about renting their house to a Kishin."

He didn't turn his attention away from the AC panel on the wall. "Doesn't the ACLU protect against that sort of bigotry?"

You were proud that he'd actually been looking some of these modern agencies up on the laptop you'd given him. You flicked his ear with a proud, teasing grin as you passed to sit on the corner of your hotel bed. "I don't think 'Kishin' is recognized as a marginalized group."

That iconically broad grin showed his teeth in total agreement.

"But really, here's a hat to cover that," you threw a black beanie at him, it stuck to the back of his shoulder. That third eye still gave you the heebie-jeebies. You flopped back onto the bed and looked at him framed between your feet. "We shouldn't scare away the new landlords on our first day."

He made his way around the other side of the room and continued his grumbling about modern living. "I don't understand why we don't just build a new place..."

"That's not the way things work anymore. We'd need building permits then purchase land from the government before we could develop the property." You sighed, wishing thing were simple again. "Things got pretty complex while we were locked away."

He thumbed back toward the AC panel. "Air conditioning is nice."

You gave an exaggerated orgasmic face and moaned, "Oh yes!"

His body went rigid before deciding to ignore your tantalizing position on the bed in favor of other modern advances. "So are refrigerators." His eyes found the black mini fridge and you narrowed your eyes, the very corners of your lips tugged teasingly.

"Blame humans, they're smart little buggers."

He looked at you, unimpressed, as he crushed the digital screen on the AC panel with his pointer finger as if that proved humans really were the insignificant insects he viewed them as. Your amusement contorted to frustration. Damn it, you'd have to pay for that.

He didn't like when you turned things around to compliment humans. They had created so many important technological advances that he was sometimes forced to be impressed by their ingenuity.

It had been three months since he escaped the moon, and one month since Crona came back to earth badly hurt. You'd done your best to keep them apart when you went to Death City. The last thing you needed was two wild crazy people fighting each other. It was important to get his excess souls removed before they could be anywhere near one another.

It would take a long time to rebuild what had been broken. But time was something the both of you certainly had. No shortage, in fact.

He was trying. Hard. You could see it in his drooped face when you'd slide away from him at night and sleep on the couch or whatever else was available at the time. It hurt that you were so frightened of him, but he understood. He was far more shocked when you'd test his limits the way you did with no regard for your own fear. He could feel it prickling through your soul's link but he didn't call too much attention to it. He just wanted to go along with whatever you planned with his younger brother so you'd learn to find comfort and protection with him again.

You hadn't expected to be the difficult one. You'd always done your best to be calm and easy to deal with, even bending to others whims a bit too far at times. But around Asura you were flinchy and nervous. He told you it was likely because of the broken contract, you weren't physically bound to him anymore. But you didn't believe that, you felt that this was something you could overcome with time and patience. You put a lot of stock in Kid's ability to fix him.

Tomorrow you were going to sign your new lease. You'd kind of sprung it on Asura, which was one of the reasons he came up with those rules. You'd been adding new ones here and there, but mostly they were funny. Like, No intruding on showers!(!) written with about twelve exclamation points in Asura's erratic writing in black permanent marker. So far they were all written on a white board. Sometimes you'd wipe a few away so you could surprise him with something without recourse. It wasn't fair at all, but not all was fair in love and war.

It was honestly impressive how good he was at walking away when you were trying to make him want you. He obviously did, but he wasn't acting on it. It was driving you crazy! Hopefully the next week when Asura was finally dragged to the Death Room to meet with Kid this would all be solved and you could jump his bones again. But, from what Maka had explained, this would be incredibly painful for your lover both physically and mentally. He'd come to rely on the life force of those souls so it would be difficult to let go. You'd have to be there the whole time to prevent any mishaps.

For now you chewed your slice of pizza and watched Asura glare at you over the dripping, soggy cheese, thinking you were tricking him into eating something disgusting. Then, after a few investigative sniffs and a small nibble his pupils dilated and you knew he was hooked.

"If you eat too much you'll get fat." You sniffed dramatically when he swiped the last slice before you could scarf it down.

A bare brow raised high before laughing, holding out one boney hand with an apprising expression. "You're right, I'm utterly gelatinous."


	10. Side to Side

 

'Cause tonight I'm making deals with the devil  
And I know it's gonna get me in trouble

* * *

The day after you moved into your new rental Asura sat you down for "the talk". He wanted you to know exactly what you had missed while you were trapped inside your own minds. That was the day you learned a few terrifying things about Asura 2.0 and Kishins in general.

He had killed more people than anyone had ever bothered to count. He was too lost in abject terror to feel a thing toward to thousands or maybe even millions of lives he stole. You were the only thing that ever made him feel alright, and due to many madness induced illusions, you were dead. Sometimes he'd catch you out of the corner of his eye and scream so loud it would make your heart lodge itself into your throat. You knew he was still afraid of you, you could feel it through your soul's link. He was still expecting to find you were just another horrible nightmare sent to terrorize him deeper into hysteria. But for some reason he kept waking up day after day to your smiling, happy face.

As you watched his lips move to explain the vague things he felt you realized that he really was more animal than mortal. He now had the same instincts as a predatory beast. He perceived all things as threats to himself or the things he coveted. He had very little control over his reactions when he felt threatened.

One of those terrifying threats was you.

You were not just a little frightening to him. Yes, Kid could probably kill him. But you, with just a few short words, could destroy him.

Because of this, Asura spent an unreal amount of time trying not to hurt you. He was afraid of sleeping with you again because he might lose himself to those bizarre instincts and kill you.

He watched your face when he explained that part as delicately as he possibly could. The violent nature of a Kishin made him deadly. He was like a shark immersed in blood or a tiger stalking its prey. He could not turn off his drive to hunt and kill. The only time he felt safe was under your touch. He knew he could defeat his personal demons when you smiled up at him so adoringly, you were always so understanding of everything he felt.

Your surreal serenity allowed him to do things he hadn't been able to accomplish in centuries, like sleep or interact with others.

For a moment he stopped talking and waited.

In that moment he wanted two things that completely contradicted one another. He wanted you to both run away and kiss him all at once.

It would be safer for you to leave and disappear forever, then Kid would just kill him and it would all be over.

On the other hand, he wanted to feel your calm waves wash over the erratically buzzing fear that drove him to do so many violent things. Ever since he'd clawed his way back to earth he'd been in your direct vicinity. He couldn't feel your soul as well as you could his, but he read your face with ease. Sometimes he could figure out what you were going to think before you could think it. Like now when you let his words sink in, he watched your mind spin like a computer behind your eyes as you used used your unbelievably forgiving heart to justify his horrendous actions.

You took the time to really look at his new face. The changes that unnerved you the most were his third eye and the scarves he used, they were his own skin stretched and wrapped over his body. He has them tightly compressed around him at all times, but when it was just the two of you he left his face free, hair poking out like needles all over his head where his flesh-scarves sat.

It was a strange face, that was obvious. But it was still Asura's. That painfully blossoming love you always felt in your heart would always overcome aesthetics. Especially when you felt that zippy electricity that snapped pleasantly over his skin.

Your hands lifted, keeping your eyes on his for permission with every inch they moved toward his face which was granted slowly and cautiously. The light in his inhuman red eyes widened when your fingers slid against the fabric of the ruddy white scarves encasing his cheeks. Your fingers curled under the bands that covered his neck and he twitched a little. You remained very calm and sure as you slid your fingertips against his frantically pulsing carotid. He won't hurt me, Asura would never hurt me you reminded yourself again and again as you pushed your whole hands under the scarves to cup his jaw and lifted away the wraps until his head was fully uncovered. Marquise white patterned black hair sprang free and his lips tightened to a disapproving line.

He hoped beyond hope that you wouldn't push him too far too fast. He wouldn't know what to do if he woke from a terror fueled fugue only to find your blood spattered on the walls. The thought raced his heart; you noticed and lifted your hands away but he caught them.

The moment your skin left his the pulse in his chest grew wild with uncontrollable fear. If you were going to push his restraint then you were going to do it on his terms.

You took advantage of his hands around yours and pulled him toward you until he was no longer sitting on the couch but hovering above. One long fingered hand slipped over your hip, the other hand gripped yours tightly above your head. You didn't want to seem submissive or dismissive of everything he'd admitted. And yet, there was a deep aching need inside that warned that if you didn't change your behavior soon you'd lose him forever to the thing he had become. You needed to be the one to find his compassion again.

Your free hand tangled into the hair at the nape of his neck and he willingly obliged your command to dip closer. Your body language was pliant but you were the one to make every decision.

Lips like storm waves crashed. Hot tongues found new and exciting places to linger and teeth found new soft spots to bite. His whole body was harder than you remembered, like the tough hide of a rhino only smooth as tumbled granite. Your nails made no scratches against his newly bare shoulders, they only bent and peeled across his shoulders as you pushed his red and black shirt away. Your fingers trembled as his wavelength began working its way into your mind, your heart raced when he released your hand, his cool fingers instead pulling away your soft black leggings. He pressed a kiss to your jaw then tensed. Your hand slipped below the waistband of his pants to take ahold of his newly hardened anatomy.

Asura pulled away only enough to tilt his forehead against yours, lips a mere breath away. Eyes that you expected to be gold and loving instead watched with cautious red surveillance.

"You really do need a lesson in Kishin behavior," his nose trailed a line along the crease of your neck and jaw until his lips were pressed to your ear, "once you see this side of me you'll resent what I've become."

It was a warning and a pleading request. It scared him that your opinion of him might change, but to move forward you needed to know what he was so afraid of. You'd waited long enough. So you kissed his lips and pressed your hips against his in a slow, forceful motion. His bony fingers twisted into the back of your hair and jerked your head back to make you look at him as the other gently skimmed your side, your muscles twitched away from the ticklish touch, dragging the fabric of your t-shirt up with them. The soft, hooded way you looked up at him set his soul ablaze.

Two slender fingers slid up the inside of your thigh, the closer his cool touch came to your center the more your opening blossomed open. After a few teasing strokes he paused to dip them into your sensitized slit. Your back arched as they slid deep inside, your legs opening naturally. His chest rumbled a chuckle before taking his dampened fingers and showing the glistening fluid to you, his smirk was saying, 'really?'. Your face flashed red and he smirked a kiss to the center of your chest to feel your heart beat under his lips. The beat of your heart was nearly skipping under that hyperactive aura, your face felt tingly as if you'd been holding your breath just a little too long. Maybe it was the affect of Asura's soul against yours, maybe it was the frightening adrenaline of being at a Kishin's mercy.

The tip was bigger than the rest, so of course it ached in a pleasant sort of way when he thrusted against against your wet and swelling vulva. Your fingertips traced the three black vertical eyes tattooed on his chest. Well, that was certainly new.

You made a small sound as he slid inside without warning, a sound of discomfort and relief.

Without a noise he pulled back and thrusted hard, shuddering your whole body from the force. His rhythm was slow and hard like your lips against each other. Your hips screamed under the internal pressure and you pushed at his chest to no abide. That used to be your old cue for him to relent, but it looked like you'd have to reteach that little trick. Every thrust filled you with his wavelength's maddening head rush, the fizzling madness inside of you made you gasp for air when he reached a certain spot deep inside. Reacting to that small gasp, Asura curled over you, making you feel even smaller as his arms encircled your head. You wrapped your legs around his hips to pull him even deeper to exploit the quivering sensation. Your flesh expanded around his girth generously to accept the rough punishment his body demanded.

"Oh gods-!" Your voice rasped when he bit down on the curve of your shoulder.

He grinned into the side of your neck, his hot tongue swept over the spot where you now assumed there was some blood. Pushing himself up until he was sitting on his haunches he lifted your hips with both hands. "Get on your knees and pray properly."

He'd never spoken to you like that before but you couldn't help but obey when he spoke in that low, gravelly tone. Your upper body leaned on the arm of the couch, your knees deep in the fabric, ass high and waiting.

One long arm wrapped around your middle while the other hand held your throat for leverage. You moaned like a whore when he hit that certain spot deep inside. Your cries increased his demanding pace. The friction hurt, but no amount of pain could overcome the pleasure of his flesh against yours. Every inch of electrified skin felt like the burgeoning rush of an orgasm as your walls clenched around him again and again.

Slowly you sank lower with the guidance of larger hands until you were flat on your stomach. He pressed your legs tightly together as he pumped into your sore, raw opening.

"Asura," you whimpered as he pressed a hand to your lower spine, tightening your thin flesh around him to the point of pain. It felt like you might tear.

His madness dampened your soul's wavelength until you had no ability to calm his heavy waves of madness. You tried to twist onto your back but one large hand shoved your face back down in a way that made you feel subhuman. Like you were an object rather than Asura's equal. Right now you were not his lover, you were a thing. An item for him to possess. It was amazing how you felt the shift happen within a few short moments and you were quick to react.

The hand clenching the hair in the back of your head prevented you from escaping. So you let his fingers snap a few hairs out of your head as you dragged his palm to your lips.

Then took a hard bite of his palm.

Everything stopped as if Asura had been struck by lightening.

Slowly he pulled his damaged, but quickly healing hand back to see black blood dripping from the 10 wounds you'd left. There was a small spattering of black blood on your lips and his eyes widened, flickering briefly from red to gold then back again. The bright pain brought him back from the depths of his dark Kishin nature long enough to realize that he was hurting you. He shot backwards and you turned with a small wince from the pain between your legs. Wide red eyes watched you with his damaged hand on his heart. The small drops of warm black liquid on your lips worried him enough to reach out and wipe them away with a thumb. The last thing anyone needed was for you to go mad as well.

He wrapped his arms loosly around your shoulders and whispered into your ear, "I warned you..."

You laughed a little and he narrowed his eyes as you kissed his angry, unmoving lips. Using one hand on his shoulder to balance, you used the other to guide his cock back inside of you. He was malleable as putty under your touch now that you'd been able to drag him away from the brink of madness.

With a hand to the center of his chest you pressed him to his back and arched your back to ride his slowly, reactively bucking hips. To look down and see this frightening version of Asura beneath you had an initial shock. But it faded as soon as he made a familiar pleasured groan, eyes fluttering shut, teeth grit, as he let you take control.

You were definitely a little damaged from the way he'd mishandled you, but you couldn't help feeling a different type of pleasure at the expressions of abandon flitting across his face.

Over the course of his rough mating you'd found your own body twitching and convulsing with pleasure several times. Now it was his turn to see how badly you needed him. Your hands smoothed over his chest and traced the tattoos on his hands where they planted themselves on your hips as you lifted high enough for his body to separate from yours, then rushed back over him until he squeaked a little.

What was the point of having a god at your mercy if you couldn't make him squeak?

His hands left your hips to grip the couch fabric, probably out of caution more than pleasure when you heard the popping of woven fabric under the pressure of his black nails. His hips met your pace perfectly as you curved your back to make him hit a specific place. Once you found it you gasped and closed your eyes, leaning your hands against his chest to keep pace. You focused on the pleasure of his flesh and the stretching ache inside until a broad thumb swept across your clit and a bolt of cold electricity shot up your stomach and pulled a soft scream from your parted lips. That thumb didn't cease its tapping, sliding onslaught until your measured pace began to slip.

Asura took up the mantle and lifted himself until you were chest to chest, hips to hips. Your lips clumsily found his and you felt his teeth grit a little. His body tensed as his thrusts became more firm and fell out of time when you tensed over him as you teetered into the bright shriek of an orgasm. Thick warm fluid shot against your deepest walls. It stung in the best ways as you let yourself succumb to yet another lazy, tired pulse of pleasure. Your hips pulsed, as did your inner walls and you collapsed against Asura who lowered to the couch cushion and held the side of your head to his chest as he caught his breath, bodies still connected, a certain mix of fluids seeping down your inner thighs.

It took a little while to regain the ability to move, but when you finally managed to look up you found him watching you carefully. He was waiting for fear that wasn't there. If you showed even the slightest fear now then he'd never touch you again. So instead you smiled a tired smile and fell against his chest with a heavy head.

You could feel his slow heartbeats through his sternum and rested there as his fingertips trailed your soft shoulders. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop but it wasn't happening. An evil little voice told you to let him stew in silence for a bit.

You chuckled a little at his waiting expression when you peered up at him. "You're not that scary. You just need some course correction from time to time, like a brand new puppy." You sighed your ear back to the tattoos on his chest with a tired little smile. "I think I can handle that."

He kissed the top of your head then fell back with an exaggerated sigh. "You were sent from the depths of hell to test me."

Your arms folded under your chin to look at him with a teasing smirk. "Yep!" A bald brow ridge raised, unamused. A toothy grin pinched your cheeks. "And if you're going to screw me like that then I'll never give up the pleasures of the flesh and return to my fiery home."

"Good. My plan is working."

After reluctantly letting him pull himself free of your body you got to examine his body a bit more closely. Really, beyond the initial shock of his small changes he wasn't all that different. Not physically at least. His empathy was all but gone, that was why you needed to introduce his hand to your teeth to bring him back from that dark place inside that demanded submission, fear, and control. Well, if you were being honest with yourself he really just wanted to do whatever he wanted without any repercussions. You'd never let him get away with hurting anyone ever again, especially not you.

You clicked on the tv and took the rest of a very lazy day to reintroduce one another. After the fourth or fifth time Asura found a few small differences in your skin's condition. He didn't like the scars he found, he was afraid that someone may have found your body sleeping and done something unkind. But you rejected that thought. As evil as that bitch was, Arachne wouldn't have let someone hurt her sister more than her. She needed you intact to manipulate Asura, if she let someone else harm you then it might have interfered with that plan.

Asura didn't like your defense of Arachne and you poked fun of his sensitivity on the subject. He rolled his eyes and pulled you closer, "now that you have a somewhat more intimate understanding of my nature, I hope you can forgive me for acting on impulse in that instance."

You gave your best, 'I swear I'm scolding you' look and he raised a bald brow sarcastically as you chided him playfully. "If I ever find out you were with someone else biblically while you were rampaging the countryside I'll become the scary one. Trust me, no one wants to see that."

"That would be rape." He stated, horrified, as if you didn't understand what you were implying. "I'd never do that." He spoke a little hesitantly as if he wasn't fully sure whether he had or not.

"You didn't rape me," you rolled your eyes at his loose use of the term. "Rough sex and rape are very different things. It only got a little hairy when you pushed me down, aside from that I don't think you've ever made me come that many times in a row."

"I've never...?"

You smacked the solid surface of his shoulder with a little frustrated blush as you explained your wording, "If it makes you feel better I didn't even know what an orgasm felt like until I was with you the first time."

"I didn't know what sex was before you dragged me to bed and stole my virtue." Red eyes turned to the ceiling with a slowly growing grin. "You popped my cherry."

You sputtered a shocked laugh, "Where the hell did you hear that term?!" Your laugh diminished as it dawned on you as your humor shrunk to a glare at his smug expression. "That's it. I'm putting parental access locks on your laptop."

Ahh, his little demonic blush was so worth the slow, scream inducing torture you received for that one.


	11. Mielo

_You've been caught in the in-between_

_It's never been enough_

* * *

It was hard. _Really_ hard.

Being with a killer spun your moral compass until you didn't know which way was up anymore. You second guessed every decision. Things you'd once been so sure about were now cloudy and scattered. Nothing made sense, the world was incomprehensible. Just being around Asura made the world tilt a little. Most people couldn't stand to be near him for more than just a few minutes. It was amazing you were able to last so long.

It started to fade back into view once he very reluctantly allowed his brother to harvest the souls he'd stolen over the past millennium.

The day you arrived with Asura in tow you thought another war was going to break loose. Asura truly hated his brother and everything he stood for. He was jealous of his ability to remain calm, he was angry that Lord Death created him the way he did. He was angry at everything, especially himself. He felt he was a half-asses experiment gone terribly wrong and it was never more apparent than when he was in the same room as his perfect younger brother. Asura lurched forward to attack and you dragged him backwards a few steps. He snapped and glared and snarled nasty things at you but you had to help save those innocent souls trapped within him.

Every day for several months the two of you scheduled a standing meeting with Kid. It was strange to be stuck in the Death Room with two different embodiments of fear. One, a control freak. The other, out of control.

Since waking from your very, very long sleep, Kid had grown into a wonderful leader. You'd watched it happen first hand and something about that fact infuriated Asura. Just being near one another put them both on edge, they were perfect opposites who hated the other's entire existence.

The first two weeks of "treatment" were the worst of it. Asura regressed, _badly_.

"Come on, you _promised_." You gripped his arm with both hands, dragging him step by step through the Death Room. His heels carved deep marks into the ground when he had momentary sparks of panic at the thought of what he was doing. Living scarves squeezed around him tightly in a little flinch when you barked, "Can't you just be helpful _just this once_?"

He shook his head frantically side to side, drawing his arm back against your grip dragging you toward him. You huffed before bearing down to hold your ground, letting him feel the frustration vibrate through your soul. You had a ton of patience and understanding, but it was hard to be patient when he was acting like a petulant child. He hadn't spoken a word to you all day. You understood his reticence, but only to a point. The reason he was so utterly hopeless about this was because he wanted to remain as powerful as he was. He didn't see why it was completely crazy to allow him of all people to possess that kind of power.

You sighed a growl when he planted his feet to the ground again. You tripped, nearly losing balance. All you had to do was look back at him to made him cringe remorsefully.

"Don't make me-!" He cried out like the thought physically pained him. You cast a singular sympathetic glance before pulling him forcefully to the raised stage where Kid conducted business, pushing waves of calming energy through your linked hands the whole way.

Kid looked about as pleased to see his brother as Asura felt to see him. That is to say that both immediately coiled tightly as dueling cobras ready to strike. To avoid a fight you released a strong wave of calm to push Asura's mad mind into submission and Kid lowered his Death Scythe a little, eyeing you curiously. This was the first time he'd ever felt your special little ability and he was suddenly very interested.

It made you a little uncomfortable knowing Soul was there. You'd been trying your best to put on a front with Maka that you were handling Asura's madness without a problem. You knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Soul would tell Maka how hard you had to work in order to keep Asura sane. 

Patty and Liz were hanging out on either side of their meister, casting weary, angry eyes toward your lover. You knew that if push came to shove, Kid would probably use his twin handguns over Soul's Death Scythe. You had begged him not to kill Asura and he relented only a little by agreeing to use them over Soul if he had to weaken the fellow Death God. In this instance, Soul's main purpose was to pull the souls from Asura's body.

You lowered your head respectfully to the new Lord of Death, digging your fingertips into Asura's arm to keep him from dong anything embarrassing. "Please make this quick, I'm not sure how long I can keep this up."

Kid's exhausted eyes moved from your lowered face to Asura's wrapped up vertical eyes. The new Lord of Death worked very hard to maintain order and Asura's very existence was trampling all over his hard work. Since his return to earth there were crop ups of war and murder all over the world.

He slowly circled in until he was standing under the shadow of Asura who trembled under the pressure of fear and his unceasing desire to see Kid's blood splattered everywhere. Kid's height was getting closer to his brother's, you absently wondered why Lord Death made them look so different and yet very much the same. Perhaps there was more to the spontaneous creation of a child than you thought.

You took a hold of Asura's clenched fist and wormed your fingers through his, leaning lightly to his arm to whisper, "I won't let anyone hurt you. Kid assured me this would be quick and painless."

Or, maybe Kid had said: " _It will be very painful._ " But you weren't dumb enough to tell Asura _that_.

With that little white lie, Kid wheeled back and used all of the force he could garner to strike Asura directly in the head with his scythe. You nearly dropped to the ground when a heavy wave of madness blew you back a step, but you scrambled and barely kept your balance.

Hundreds of blue wispy clouds ascended from Asura's body, warping up and out of his mouth until he had to drop to his knees. _It's just like helping a sick person_ , you tried to convince yourself, _it's just a little puke, not dead people._ You gagged, but wrapped your arms around Asura's neck and held him to distract from the thought when he suddenly began thrashing. You could feel him becoming insane, more crazed with each lost soul. You held him tighter, burying your face into his back. "Please hold on, I believe in you. Just a few more."

You'd ridden wild horses before, but they didn't have anything on an irrational demon.

Inevitably he did get loose from your grip and tossed you aside like a dart to a bulls eye. The scream of air whipping past your ears made you dizzy as your soft cheek made contact with the ground, pulling your skin away form your eye as you dragged forcefully. You skidded to a stop a few hundred feet away, which gave Asura plenty of time to wreak havoc. You blinked to sand out of your eyes and nursed a few scrapes on your right hip that tore your pants and looked to your hand to see your thumb beginning to swell with a calming breath before checking to see that Asura hadn't hurt anyone yet.

Just as Kid aimed his twin weapons at Asura he noticed you running toward them. Then, without needing to deliberate, he clicked the explosive trigger.

You didn't really know what to expect from being shot, you knew logically that bullets hurt, but you also weren't sure if Asura was too wild to even notice that searing hot sensation as a bullet ripped through your shoulder joint, cauterizing your flesh as it cracked audibly through your bone.

The Kishin stood still for a slow second and looked at Kid like he was the most stupid person to ever exist, then lifted his hand to his shoulder and turned just in time to see you fall on your face, curled over your left arm. He looked to Kid once more, deliberating the importance of retribution versus his soul's other half writhing in pain, bleeding profusely. Actually, it didn't take long for him to decide at all.

Before he could call you an idiot or promise death on Kid you stopped him weakly with a finger to his lips, all three eyes widened like a scolded child. "I told him to shoot me if you got out of hand." His glare narrowed and you smiled with a little laugh, "it worked!"

His heart raced. You were an idiot but you were _his_ idiot. Ruby blood was pooling far too quickly, the smell was unspooling his mind even further. It was very unhelpful given the situation. _What a stupid woman_.

"Nothing about this is funny." He held your injured shoulder tightly to keep it from bleeding as he helped you sit up with a wince. If he focused on you then his madness couldn't take over. He hoped. Then he blinked, coming to some sudden realization. "You weigh more than I remember."

Your face turned redder than your seeping shoulder. "E-Excuse me?"

"I'm pathetically weak." He replied mournfully, lifting one hand to look at it as if the texture of his skin might have changed.

A bright smile crossed your lips that made him feel substantially better. He could feel your happiness through the link and part of him wanted to resent your joy over his weakness. Another deeper part of him understood your relief.

You slid your fingers over his hovering hand and pulled it to your heart without dropping the excited grin from your face. "How many times do I have to tell you that there are so ways to describe strength. You are doing so well, I'm so proud of you for going through with this." You kissed his wrapped knuckles and poked the scarf that was trying to cover his eyes with a little smirk. "Let's go home."

Asura's lips were a tight line, eyeing your injury like you'd personally offended him by getting a hole blown through your shoulder joint.

"No chance," you heard Liz's scratchy voice above, eyeing your furious lover like the plague in human form as she moved closer with Patty leading the way with a gigantic grin. "You need a hospital first."

Kid didn't even pretend to feel sorry for shooting you. He didn't feel badly, you'd asked him to react that way if Asura lost it. Thankfully it worked. He was more concerned whether or not it would continue working.

The first day was the only time he had to use that particular method. Asura learned very quickly that if he just cooperated, less pain was involved for both of you. It didn't hurt that the more souls that were taken from him, the more his 'kishin' attributes disappeared until the only remaining trace of his Kishin background was his dark red third eye.

This happened every day for a very long time. You eventually started gaining a small audience. Your DWMA friends were impressed with your ability to keep Asura from attacking Kid when they had once had to fight for their lives in his presence. Each day he became more malleable; easier to hold, easier to contain. By the end of that very long year you were kissing his temple and holding him loosely, whispering sweet nothings as the last ninety-or-so innocent souls left his body, leaving him very weak.

He fell asleep there in the Death Room and you told everyone to leave him alone until he came to. Kid went about his work, ignoring the lethargic black mass on his floor, ignoring the gentle way you stroked his hair and held his limp hand to your heart with a kiss to his knuckles every few minutes. 

"Why do you care so much?" Kid suddenly asked after he directed a team through his end of their mirror.

You knew exactly why he was asking but it was hard to explain.

"I've loved him for a very long time, longer than you've been alive," You started to say, "There was once a version of Asura who existed for far longer than the Kishin. He was always timid, but he was kind and he had good intentions," your lips tightened to a line, heart burning angrily behind your ribs. "He was used by Lord Death as a weapon against witches and evil humans until he was permanently warped." You didn't miss the way Kid's eyes narrowed, even though he wasn't looking at you. "He has seen the evils of humanity, saved them from themselves and eventually killed so many that over time he became this," you stroked the backs of your fingers against his sleeping cheek, causing his lashes to flutter slightly, black brows pinching just a little. "Yes, his reasons were wrong. I know that he barreled down the wrong path. But he was manipulated into thinking that he had killed me. You might not know what it's like to love someone, but… well, that's hard to explain too." You smiled limply, unsure of how to go on.

Kid turned away from his work to listen, arms folded, black cloak curling and twisting out around him. You gripped Asura's hand and felt his pulse to make sure he was only sleeping and realized how to explain your lover's strangely hateful behavior.

"When I first met Asura he hated humans, but he was more frustrated by his position in life. My existence forced him to acknowledge that. He couldn't hate me and humans at the same time so he put his anger aside for my sake, he couldn't hate the humanity that I instilled in him. The moment I was gone... well..." A sigh filled your lungs. "I know the man I love is in there somewhere, and I will do anything in my power to bring him back no matter the cost."

There was a short lingering silence as sharp yellow eyes dissected you.

"Even if it kills you?" Your brow twitched and Kid read your confusion with exasperation in his voice. "I can't believe no one ever explained this to you." He turned back to the mirror and continued with gruff frustration, "If you give too much of yourself to him you might end up dying, it's part of a sponge witch's plight. Your soul will slowly slip away into nothingness if you let him trap you in his soul. Tortured souls create tortured witches."

You smiled at the new shinigami, he was actually worried about you. "I haven't entered his soul since he became a Kishin. He's afraid that I'll die, or that I'll become tainted by him."

"That's wise advice to follow." Kid wasn't one to dish out counsel like this so you took it to heart that he was agreeing with Asura on something for once.

You kissed the lid of your lover's third eye and it clenched tightly, pained. "I don't know if there's a way to cure him of this but I'll do anything to change him back to the person I once knew."

Kid turned his familiarly gold eyes, reading your worn expression instantly. "If you don't tell him your intentions, I will."

An angry little ball swirled in your chest. But then it squashed itself. Kid wanted to save you from yourself. Even he knew Asura would never let you hurt yourself for his sake. He didn't love being a Kishin these days, but he certainly loved _you_. He would have his skin peeled away for eternity before allowing you to sacrifice yourself for his wellbeing. Just because you were willing to put your neck on the line didn't mean anyone else had to let you.

Asura's madness was not nearly as prevalent as it had been when he returned to Earth. Immediately after removing harbored souls, his lack of madness made you sleepy. A yawn pulled its way from your mouth and you shimmied lower until your head was resting on Asura's chest, listening to the relaxing metronome of his heartbeat.

Was it crazy for you to fix him? But, if it wasn't, why did the people who care about you warn so heavily against it? If you were going to enter his mind, you had to do it before he woke. If you didn't, Kid would make sure you could never try.

So you decided to attempt something, and maybe it was a bad idea, but no one could stop you, not even Asura, when you decided to enter his mind.


	12. MakeDamnSure

_I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave._

* * *

"Oh stop."

" _No, really, your face is geometrically perfect. That obnoxiously cut hair ruins-_ "

"Are you flirting with me?"

" _Absolutely_ _not!_ "

Asura rolled his eyes as he listened to his younger brother banter with you through a mirror somewhere in the house as he tried his best to read some stupid book you had been pushing on him all week. It was a childish love story called "Flipped". He was certain that you had some ulterior motive in forcing him to read it, but he hadn't yet figured out what you were trying to suggest. He kept rereading the same sentence, opting instead to listen in on your conversation with the new Lord of Death. You had originally called to ask if you were allowed to take on missions with Asura as your meister but for whatever reason you hadn't actually gotten around to asking.

"...No, no, it wouldn't be like _that_. Even if he doesn't act like a professional he really can be, it just takes a certain touch."

" _I doubt very highly that he will agree to the arrangement with your impending-_ "

" _Shh_! He might hear you! Maka and Marie don't even know yet! That's a secret between you and me."

Asura didn't like the tiny glimmer of jealousy he felt toward the way you spoke to Kid. You were naturally a little flirtatious when you were trying to get something you wanted. He'd heard that dulcet voice the very first time you'd touched his soul, it was a little more than annoying to know he wasn't the only person you spoke to in that way.

Even if it was just a little manipulation on your part, there was a little pit of green anger that annoyed him from the bottom of his stomach. It reminded him of the very distant past when you would hide small things from Akira. They started out small and insignificant but grew until you were making visits and plans with Asura under his nose. What was such an important secret that Kid could know, but he couldn't?

The voices above his head on the second floor suddenly stopped followed closely by the clatter of your shoes rushing down the stairs.

You threw the study door open with this frantic expression as you looked Asura up and down for injuries then asked slowly, "Are you okay?"

He wasn't sure what you were so upset about. Your eyes drifted to his hands and your mouth fell open. His eyes brows fell suspiciously when your skin paled a shade or two.

"What..." Your voice cut out nervously. "Why did you...?"

Asura followed your eyes to his hands, shocked to find that the hard cover of your book had snapped clean in half. He picked up the mangled thing and looked to you with an apologetic smile.

A sigh fell from your lips as you folded your arms. You cozied up against the doorframe with raised brows, your voice held a note of reprimand, "What's wrong?"

His heart thumped painfully once in his chest in a way that reminded him of why he was angry to begin with. His scowl fell back the the rough, cracked cardboard in his hands and ran a thumb against the edge. "Your perfect little friend should be able to answer that for me."

Your one brow rose high, face devoid of emotion. "Seriously? That's what we're doing today? Arguing? There are nicer ways to tell me you don't like your brother than breaking my books." Your lip pouted a little, "I really liked that one, too."

Asura closed his eyes. An annoyed sound rumbled in his throat. "I'm sure he'd think of kinder ways to explain himself, too."

The fury you felt in that moment was only matched by your amusement. It was hard to keep the smile off of your lips, instead pushing your lips into a tight line no matter how hard they tried to creep up. "Ya know? You're right. Kid _is_ nicer than you. I bet he could tell me how you got that stick stuck so far up your ass too. Maybe I'll call him back and ask-" You started to walk away, knowing he'd have something to say before you could get too far.

He growled your name and you walked backwards until you were back in the doorframe with an innocent little smile. "Yes, dear?"

Asura sneered mockingly at your term of endearment. "Just stop talking to him when you don't have to."

You shook your head. "Absolutely not. You have no reason not to trust me. I won't stop being friends with your brother just because you're a little jealous."

"I'm not jealous-" Your slowly rising eyebrow halted his words. He huffed and looked back to his hands. "Fine. I'm a little jealous. Go ahead, be friends." Then he added this little snipe, "but I'm fairly certain you and I began seeing one another as close friends before we became more."

Ahh, so that's what this was about. A goofy grin found your lips. He was worried over nothing, it was kind of cute. "You do know I'm in love with you, right?"

"You thought you loved Akira for a long time as well."

Your arms folded as you tilted your weight onto one hip. "Asura. Just stop. Yeah, I loved him in a completely different way. I love you and I have for a thousand years. You shouldn't have such little faith in me considering you're the one who-"

"I will _never_ let you leave me again," he cut in with a certain ferocity. Every muscle in his body was clenched tightly as the book cover whined under his grip, ready to snap again.

Suddenly this small fight had morphed into something else. At first you thought he was upset that you were friends with his OCD brother, now you knew at the core of his anger was the thought of your abandonment. The fact that you were able to dissect his thin and bare emotions made you even more excited for your little secret.

You slid into the room, slunk over to his chair, and climbed onto his lap to kiss his lips gently. His eyes watched your movements warily. Your forehead touched his and his eyes closed to listen.

"I'm never going anywhere. No one is ever going to take me away again." Your lips found his once more like a promise. "Your mine and I'm yours whether you like it or not."

He nodded, relaxing a bit. "Can you tell me this secret of yours?"

You grin pulled at your cheeks until you had to bite your lower lip to keep it from growing. "I'll tell you as soon as I know that it's happening for sure."

Now he was really worried. "You're not moving anywhere, my younger brother would never allow you."

A chuckle hopped in your chest. "Nope, I'm not going anywhere. How many times do I have to remind you? I think you'll be happy when I find out, but I can't give too many details."

Currently there were a few things you were hiding from Asura. He was still recovering from the removal of thousands of innocent souls, you didn't want to push him too hard too fast. He needed time to relearn his small ability to control himself before you could tell him that you'd entered his soul without his explicit permission. what you'd found there was... well, it was awful. Once you could meet with Maka again you'd be able to brainstorm and maybe find a solution. Until then, you couldn't risk entering his mind again.

His smile crinkled his eyes just a little. "You're being superstitious, aren't you?" It wasn't a question as much of an observation.

As usual, he nailed it. You stuck out your tongue. "Guess you'll find out next week!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm squeezing a few drabbles into the main storyline because I just love writing about these two so much. Let me know what you think :)


	13. Hanging By A Moment

_I'm standing here until you make me move_

* * *

Slender white fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes clenched shut. Frustration steamed from his ears. It wasn't terribly often, but you were capable of really getting on his nerves. "So you make all of the decisions now, is that how this works?"

You folded your arms, terse and concise. "You're incapable of rational decision making, so yes I make the important decisions."

"This effects us both. You can't make every choice that alters our life together without consulting me first."

A certain warmth filled your belly at the words 'our life', it sounded so incredibly right considering the magnificent effort that had gone into making this all work. He breathed deeply, still holding his face as if he couldn't look at you. He was still too angry with what you'd done.

His hand finally separated from his head and splayed out at his sides. "It makes no sense. Here I thought you were the logician between us."

"It makes perfect sense, you're just nonsensical."

"Ad hominem attacks take away from your argument in this case." He hypocritically started to say that you were being stupid but when he noticed the growing fury behind your eyes he dropped the sanctimonious jab.

You were just beginning to feel a little victorious when he added: "This doesn't end here."

You'd already decided on this after very careful consideration over the course of the past two weeks. You couldn't back off now when everything was finally coming together.

"I'm putting my foot down. This is the only way we can make this work," You pointed to the open drawer, "it goes: 'spoons, forks, knifes, miscellaneous items, rolling pin' in the big drawer. That way in the morning you have spoons readily available for tea; forks and knives for food; then all the random crap is off to the side and out of the way."

He rolled all three eyes and somehow it made him more sarcastic than usual. "Ah, yes, it all makes sense now." Your angry glare had no effect on the Kishin as he pointed to different places in the kitchen explaining, "miscellaneous items go in a separate drawer, utensils go next to the sink in the organizer you picked up last week and the rolling pin can go in the pantry next to the flour. We never use it anyway; why let it take up space?"

It was amazing how the smallest things could become a war between two lovers living together. You'd been moving things to your preference for months now and your poor organizational skills wreaked havoc when Asura attempted to make something new- you'd woke up extra early this morning to fix his original arrangement and his attempted pancakes suffered dearly for it.

A growl rumbled your throat. "How about this: we put the pin in the pantry, randoms go next to the sink and utensils sit in the drawer next to the stove."

"But then you have to turn around to get the spatula and oven mitt when you cook."

You muttered angrily to yourself as you clattered the metal items into a different drawer, attempting to visualize what he described. "Then what am I supposed to do with the spice drawer?"

His voice took on a tone like you were an actual idiot, "move them all onto a rack in the pantry?" There was an unspoken ' _duh_.'

A frown pulled your lips. _Damn it_. His placements actually made perfect sense.

Moving in together the first time was easy. Asura just had everything the way he liked them and you didn't have to change anything. This time around you actually had a say on how the kitchen was arranged and you did it so poorly that it actually made Asura pause mid-sentence to gawk at your inability to arrange items in a logical, well thought out way. Allowing his perfectly round pancakes to burn into hockey pucks in the process. Stupid Kishin and his stupidly good organization skills. You never wondered why his living spaces were always spotless, the less chaos that surrounded him the less chaotic he felt.

"Fine. Arrange it how you like," you finally gave in before making your own terms, "but I get to name the fish."

He rolled his third eye as he pulled a whisk out of your very reluctantly releasing fist with a hard tug and placed it in its new home in the drawer beside the sink. "Just don't pick something stupid. Your friends already think we are strange enough."

You had begged for a pet mere minutes after moving into the house. A cat, a dog, a bird, a rat, a cow, literally anything would do. The only thing Asura would agree to was a fish and only if he could have it evaluated by a veterinarian to prove it had no parasites.

God, the look on that poor doctor's face...

You grinned, excited for your new form of torture. "His name is Toki Wartooth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little drabble was inspired by my lovely husband who decided to take it upon himself to rearrange the whole kitchen without my knowledge because "I'm made of stupid". And then he proceeded to name our son's beta fish "Pappy VanWinkle"... Alright, fine, I'll admit it, I love the shit out of that name. Thanks for reading!


	14. Valentine's Day Dirty Drabble

_Valentine's Day dirty drabble_

* * *

The lines of his body fit to yours like a pair of silken puzzle pieces. Asura always marveled at that. The soft way your body fit against his was as if each soft curve and hard edge was hand crafted to fill his empty gaps. Your hips rounded against his pelvis, the plane of your clavicle slid easily over his chest allowing the curvature of your face to hug his throat. Your arm hung over the dip below his lowest rib, holding him close enough to feel every beat of your heart. The plush cushion of your lips rested against his jugular vein where it pumped silently. He kissed your hairline, breathing in your scent. It curled around his heart, cooling the erratic fears that always lived there. 

Even when you shifted restlessly and changed the geometry of your entanglement, new parts of yours would fit against his. The weight of his arm hung over your waist, pulling your spine parallel to the flat surface of his stomach. His nose downturned matching perfectly with the ridge of your skull hidden behind your ear. Your fingers twined with his when he pressed soft kisses to the side of your neck. A sleeping smile smoothed over your lips, soft and dreaming.

Emotions were becoming stronger, or, _more apparent_ than before. He never stopped loving you, he simply lost himself in the haze of fear and madness. As much as he hated to admit it aloud, allowing Kid to take those souls was probably for the best. Recently he wasn't driven by pure instinct, he could hold you and touch you without losing himself to a strange and terrifying drive to kill. He was now cogent of his dangerous shortcomings as a Kishin and how to better control them, especially with your soft, caressing wavelength bathing him at all moments of the day. Nights like these he couldn't help marveling at you until well into the dark early morning. You were so strong, so smart; and somehow, some way, he had captured your heart.

Sometimes a rush of hot blood would put pressure on his heart, paralyzing the pumping muscle briefly. You called it 'skipping a beat', explaining that his heart was not actually in danger of failing. With a sweet little blush you explained that everyone felt that jump of emotion when they fall in love.

Asura wasn't sure that you were right about that. He'd fallen in love with you so long ago that he couldn't still be falling. But he _always_ felt that little bump in his chest when you were near. All because you smiled. Or touched him. Or turned your eyes up to his. Only then he could see in his glossy reflection how utterly helpless you made him. Those were the times when he still lost his senses. Before he knew it he'd suddenly collect your jaw between two hands like a delicate glasswork and press his lips to yours as if you might break. 

The twin globes of your butt rolled back against his hips. His shoulders tensed when his body naturally reacted, readying itself for the act of lovers. Once, a lifetime ago, he would have taken that little arch as a cue to let your bodies do the talking. Now it was a bit more complicated.

He was about to start distracting himself by disentangling your bodies when you did it again, this time curving your ass high enough to slide your slick mound against him. A nervous whimper squeaked at the base of his throat.

You were sleeping, he reasoned, you weren't trying to...

Two fingers that he'd expected you to use to pull _down_ the nightgown crimped above your hips to better cover yourself instead slid between your legs, touching the hot slick spot that called to him. Heat crawled up his neck, warming his face and excited… erm, a place much lower.

You were dreaming of a bright morning lit with the colors of fire. There was a tree heavy with birds that suddenly rose into the fiery sky like a grey, flapping storm cloud. The feathered creatures twirled around you, their feathers skimming your skin soft as kisses. The sound of your own voice roused you as a bird became tangled in your dress.

Only now that the grogginess of sleep lifted you could see that the flapping wings trapped between your legs was a long, hot tongue and two pale, spindly hands pressing your thighs apart. Your eyes held Asura's where they lifted over the mound of your pubic bone and belly. He was dissatisfied by your docile, slleepy smile, opting to make you cry out as his lips and teeth closed around your sensitive nub. The tip of his tongue slipped through the folds of skin encasing that bundle of nerves and swirled against it. A shriek called out his name and he was glad to have thought to press your thighs down before you could crush him in pleasured spasms.

White sheets were clawed between your fingers as you squirmed and contorted with every flick of his well-practiced tongue. His fingers twisted around yours and pulled them to the back of his head. _Oh god stars_ , your eyes rolled back, sliding your fingers into his hair, gently gripping at those black strands. At the sound of your next cry his teeth found your hipbone before dragging his lips up to your ribs where he pressed a kiss under your breast. The heat of his tongue followed closely by the icy chill of his breath caused your nipple to grow taut, he smirked with pride, dark red eyes lifting just enough to catch your unhinged appearance. Light perspiration glittered your chest from the effort of remaining somewhat conscious. Each touch caused you to squirm and scream. His flesh against yours made you lose all control of your mind and body until there was nothing but pure sensation and raw instinct. You wondered fleetingly if this was how he felt all the time. Every sensation heightened when the edge of his forehead tipped to yours; you could feel how ready he was. He leaned on his forearm above your head, reaching the other down between your legs. You felt your heart leap into your throat when he finally thrusted inside.

A breath you hadn't realized you were holding released, your lips gasped against his bare shoulder. It was liberating. Asura whispered your name in the balmy air between your lips before capturing them with the rock of his next thrust.

You'd fallen into this rhythm so long ago that sliding your hips up to meet his was the same as breathing. He knew exactly how to curl into you, how to push so deeply you'd shriek with pained pleasure. You knew how much he liked when you'd wrap your ankles around his lower back, sliding one set of nails along the curve of his spine while the other tangled in his monochrome locks.

Your head fell back against the pillow and Asura took the opening to bite, kiss, and nuzzle his lips to your helplessly exposed throat, holding your head in place by your hair. Unlike times in the past, he had learned that if you tried to move he had to let you. He had gotten much better at reading your wants and needs since the first time as a Kishin. 

At this point Asura also knew exactly how rough was _too_ rough. The head of his cock pushed hard to your cervix, you flinched from the bright white pain. He followed your twitch back, pushing harder until you thought he might break you. To your surprise the whimper of pain you expected from your throat came out as a whine of pleasure as your walls constricted with a surprising orgasm that seemingly came out of nowhere. Your eyes flew open to gape at him admonishingly to find his eyes closed, so focused on your body that you instantly forgave him. Asura lifted your lower back just a little, just enough to make the very edges of your opening burn with a sensitive stretching sensation. That little bit of pain made you yelp, he smiled evilly against your neck. That little blip of stretching flesh made you tighten hard over him again and again as you felt each and every edge and ridge of him fill you tightly. A breath dragged from your throat as your lower muscles clenched and twitched explosively. Your back arched toward the source of your release when his pace fell from the slow, hard rhythm he kept, shooting warm, viscous fluid against your sore cervix. Asura held himself on his forearms above you, watching you soften with the end of your final twitches with a pleased smile on your lips. 

Time seemed to stand still for a second; you looked into his eyes. His glanced back and forth between yours as if seeing you, really seeing you, for the first time.

You watched his lips form the words: "I love you." They hit your heart and altered your wavelength before you actually heard them. Asura's madness caused you to lose focus sometimes leaving all of your senses a bit delayed. It was sweet to know that you'd always be able to feel his heart's deepest affections even if you couldn't hear or see.

A gleeful little laugh bubbled up when you could finally feel your face again. "I love you too. I'm surprised you remembered today is Valentine's Day." It was immediately apparent that he had no idea what you were talking about and you cackled loudly, laying an arm over your eyes to hide your laughing tears. "It's a," you hiccuped a laugh, "a holiday to celebrate love, for some reason I thought you might have found out about it."

"Oh," at your description of the day he smiled a broad toothy grin, his eyes brightened, "then, happy Valentine's Day. What do we do to celebrate this holiday?"

You made a show of thinking hard, smooshing your lips to the side, tapping your chin. "Generally people tell each other how much they mean to one another,  check. Have a ton of crazy monkey sex, check." The corner of your lip started to tug upwards. "And eat chocolates."

Before you could even suggest the idea his eyes narrowed at your challenge, his already large grin widened. "I think we have chocolate syrup downstairs..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Valentine's Day smut! I have no shame. Sorry not sorry. There will be another post tomorrow that is wayyyy more plot-oriented. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy ;) 


	15. Burning House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi there! Let me know if this feels too dramatic. I wanted to jump right into the main storyline but it almost feels too harsh to me. Eh. I'm not overly pleased with how this came out, but hopefully it'll smooth out as we go.

_I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire_

_But it's the only place that I can hold you tight_

_In this burning house._

* * *

Suddenly, as swiftly as it came, the world's madness ceased and the calm peace DWMA brought about the world was restored. It took a grand total of 15 months to remove all of the wispy blue souls from Asura, and from that point on everything seemed to go smoothly. He was adjusting back to a normal level of strength; though he still felt weak compared to the way he'd been for so long. It was impossible to remove the black blood he had coursing through his veins, but that didn't change much. Asura was already mad, a little extra insanity to top of the crazy cake didn't change much as far as you were concerned. You were just happy to have him back.

Death City reminded you so much of Amsterdam and your old home of Damascus that it became a visual Doppler's Effect when you walked the streets with your lover. Traces of the past seemed to meld with the present, leaving you a little dizzy.

Although you no longer needed to bring Asura there for treatments it was still nice to come every month to visit friends and walk through those old streets. Obviously your tall wrapped up lover wasn't very welcome in the neighborhoods and boroughs but you bargained with Kid to let him tour the city with you whenever you came so long as you had your hand attached to his at all moments.

It didn't smell dusty and hot here, not like it did in Demascus or your new hometown of Surprise, AZ, but it still threw you through a loop when you looked up to the scattered, haphazardly constructed windows and tilted, curving streets. There was a sign jutting out from the cold, grey stone. It was an apothecary. You'd been planning to stop by for some herb de menthe for your stomach.

When you gripped Asura's hand a little tighter to catch his attention it sent you back years and years. The smile on your face suddenly fell in a twitching, palsy-like way. It became apparent that something was wrong when other symptoms emerged so suddenly.

Your skin grew cold and tingly, your vision narrowed. Asura's firm hand was holding yours, the very edge of a red eye glanced down at you from under a white scarf. An uneasy thought pulled down the corner of his mouth.

"You're ashen." Asura's drawling baritone echoed and you felt your face grow numb as your heart slowed dangerously. His long strides grew shorter, pulling you to a stop with him to examine you squarely as your thready pulse dulled even further. A thumb stroked your cheekbone, his fingers curled under your jaw to make you look at him. Every sensation felt distant, sweat beaded your hairline as a light shiver trembled your muscles.

His voice was far away by the time you hit the ground, or was that Asura's arms?

You woke up on something soft, Asura's face hovering mere millimeters above your nose. You were curled up lazily on his lap somewhere bright. You blinked twice then pushed him away to regain your bearings.

_Wait a minute. This isn't Death City…_

White, fluffy clouds hovered about the Death Room to hide its truly expansive size. Kid had his arms folded, looking down at you. He had this way of looking at people very gently while his mind whirred like a computer just behind his skull shaped pupils. It was an uneasy feeling knowing that he currently was the only person in the world who possibly knew more about you than Asura.

The younger shinigami didn't show any emotion on his face, but the piercing way he looked into your eyes let you know that he was not going to tell Asura anything, not _yet_ at least.

Thank the stars for Kid's acumen. If not for his situational awareness you'd probably have a wildly insane Asura to handle and a lot of explaining to do. Instead of ruining everything, Kid told you to get some rest and reluctantly explained to Asura how to mute his wavelength to keep you from getting sick in the future. A lie on your behalf. Your heart sunk a few inches.

As you were leaving, the two blondes on either side of Kid eyed you wearily as if they knew something that you didn't. Kid's hard expression as you waved goodbye warned firmly, ' _if you don't tell him soon, I will_.'

You'd never been sick a day in your life and then suddenly you were dealing with dramatic waves of illness every day for the entire blisteringly hot summer. Eventually you came to the conclusion that you had to get away from Asura's wavelength entirely for just a little while. So you set him to the task of changing Toki's water knowing it would take hours with his fear of any waterborne illness. Then you went to Death City to meet up with Maka.

Leaving him for any length of time made you sad and apathetic. If you found out that his wavelength was truly causing this then you'd be facing some very hard choices that you were not prepared to make.

There was a particular store where your favorite little blonde liked to shop; it had a fun fusion of gothic and preppy clothes. She was waiting in front when you arrived for your mini-girl's day out. You'd specifically asked her not to invite anyone else so you could ask for help. But before you could say a word you felt diagnosing sweep of her eyes from your hair to your sandaled toes. The way she eyeballed you made you feel like you were under a microscope.

"Are you feeling alright?" Was the first thing out of her mouth, her hand was on your cheek to check for a temperature in the next second.

You pushed away her wrist and replied reflexively, "I'm fine."

She didn't believe you for a second, your thoughts always appeared on your face like a banner across your eyes. But she let it go and you walked through the twisted streets and into her store.

The two of you discussed bachelorette plans and ways to prevent Spirit from sleeping with anyone at her wedding. Spirit reminded you of your dad a little, but a little less petty and exponentially more flirtatious.

She and Soul had just gotten engaged the week before, so today was a little more special than usual. You'd seen it coming for months; Soul had even shown you the ring to ask if she'd like it. They'd graduated from DWMA a while back and Soul never stopped living with her. For the amount of flack they received from their friends for getting engaged young it was easy to see how much they loved for one another even though Maka had this bizarre idea that Soul was too good for her. Little did she know that he'd said the same thing about her dozens of times.

She asked about your interviews and whether or not you took her suggestions and whether or not you were still lying to Asura about where you were going every Saturday. The answer was _yes._ For now. You'd tell him as soon as you knew that it was going to work for sure. But that was besides the point, you needed to ask her why you were getting so damn sick all the time.

As you made your way through the storefronts Maka kept giving you these long side-glances that made you feel self-conscious. When you tried on some flouncy dress and she stared at you for too long you finally broke the ice, "Is there something on my face? I swear to the stars if you let me walk around in public with food in my teeth-"

She said your name softly to stop your lament. Concern softened her face as she repeated her famous mantra: "A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body."

You'd heard her say it about a thousand times in regard to Asura's awful mental status, but never once had she directed that kind of foreboding aphorism toward you.

"Your soul," she repeated your name, pained, "your soul is rotting."

You weren't sure how to respond to that. You knew she could see your soul, but you thought you'd have noticed if something was wrong with it. You were both mentally and physically healthy. Sort-of. Actually, you hoping to discuss your theory that Asura's wavelength was making you sick. Evidently _that_ was the least of your concerns.

You didn't have to ask; she took your hand like you were a frail old woman and spoke softly so no one else could hear, "Have you been feeling sick for long? You don't have to lie to me."

You nodded and lowered your face to hide your shame. You explained that you'd been getting sick on and off for months, ever since the last soul was extracted form Asura.

Her eyes fell half-mast. "I can't explain it, but your soul is beginning to tear apart. I've had an inkling that something was wrong for a while so I've been reading a compendium on diseases of the soul to see if it's been documented."

The beat of your heart was slowing again. Your face went a little numb but you bit your cheek hard and swallowed to make the wave of nausea pass. You had enough going on in your life without worrying your friends.

Then she asked the most damning question of all: "You haven't entered Asura's soul, have you?"

She knew the answer before you could open your mouth. Her face pinched a snarl before scolding, "of all the _stupid things_! What were you _thinking_? Wasn't it enough to hear it from Kid _and_ Asura? Didn't _I_ tell you how dangerous it is to touch a Kishin's soul? You'd think someone with scores like yours would be smart enough to listen to not one, but _two_ gods of death when they tell you not to do something!"

You were being yelled at like a naughty child. Your head sunk between your shoulders and apologized again and again.

"Being _sorry_ wont keep you alive!" She threw her arms to the sides out of anger, "didn't you even _think_ of how this could affect Asura? What if all of this progress you've made goes up in smoke because you did something foolish and _died_!"

The guilt was just piling on and eating you up inside. You had been thinking only of his wellbeing, even after Kid warned that this would happen. You had wanted to make things better. Somehow you'd managed to make everything so much worse in the attempt.

"I thought I could help." You admitted with a sad choke as you quietly switched back into your street clothes. "I guess I didn't know the results would be so far reaching."

Her anger flickered briefly, "You are too self-sacrificing. I can appreciate putting yourself in danger to help a friend, but you deliberately put your soul at risk for no reward." You hated being chastised by Maka, she always had a way of making you see the bigger picture. "I hope you figured out how to mend a Kishin's soul while you were in there, because that's the only way to keep yours from being shredded to ribbons."

Regrettably, you hadn't come up with any ideas. Maybe Maka would have better insight if you told her the horrors you'd seen.

"Everything was on fire." Her fury simmered to a soft flame when you started describing it all, "It was like nothing I've ever seen before. There was no constellation of souls like you described to me, but there was... something." Yous voice cut out, a wave of nausea bubbled in your gut at the memory. "There were... people. I think. But they weren't real people, there were no faces, they were burned and scarred to nothing. Their skin was white and stretched with black charring and bright red molten muscle bursting through. His soul felt as brittle as the charred remains of a fire log." You bit your lip to keep from becoming too emotional. "They were twisting and contorting. It scared me so much that I backed out before I could touch anything."

Maka's lips smushed to the side, thinking hard with her brows low. "You didn't take anything with you?" You nodded. She started walking away, motioning for you to follow with a hand. "I have another theory."

You followed her bouncing pigtails to a bookstore down the road. She didn't say anything when a newcomer dropped in to follow you two. White haired Soul quietly fell into step with his fiancée, asking out of the corner of his small red eyes, 'what did you do to piss her off?'

Your lips pressed together guiltily. You looked to the ground with a little shrug.

He was filled in on the situation while Maka started flipping through old books, or at least he was able to gather the situation from her little grumbles. He didn't need to yell at you like Maka had, all he had to do was give a look like you were an idiot. He probably didn't speak for fear of breaking Maka from her studious fugue. A person needed a special license to look at these particular books; Maka was one of those special people. A small song of relief started to worm its way into your belly, releasing the tight knot there. It was good to have friends in high places.

Her finger slid down the gritty old page to find something specific then nodded once, agreeing with what was written. "Just as I thought."

You and Soul waited on baited breath.

"There are only a few soul-binding spells known to mankind, but I think this is the one your mother used." She turned the whole heavy thing for you to see what was written in ancient Arabic. Your heart sang. It was a language in which you were actually fluent. In fact, it was your native tongue.

As you read she gave her own impression of the spell's inner workings, "if you are bound to half of Asura's soul then it means when he became a Kishin it actually damaged yours when the change occurred. Perhaps you didn't become affected by the degradation until after you entered his soul because at that point your wavelengths fused briefly." A fingertip tapped her chin thoughtfully then her pale green eyes grew soft with emotion, her voice carried a note of sadness, "At this juncture there really is only one remedy, and that's to figure out how to cure a kishin's soul or else you will," Her voice lowered a little as if the word was a jinx, "You'll die."

A gob of saliva lodged in your throat and you gulped hard. You weren't ready to die. Fear was cold and heavy in your stomach. What about the plans you'd made this summer? What about the thing you were trying so hard to accomplish?

_What would happen to Asura?_

Then, your fear of death suddenly evaporated with only one thing on your mind, "No one can know about this." You ignored their wide expressions as you peeled the book from Maka's hands, explaining, "If Asura finds out that I'm dying, things will go very bad very fast. He's terrified of death, but he'd find a way to kill himself before letting my soul decay for his own sins. And whether you like it or not, Asura is a balancing factor of life. For Kid to exist, Asura has to as well. They're two halves of the same eternal entity of Death."

Soul's eyes caught Maka's then slid to the little sapphire ring on her finger, thinking about something specific. Neither of them questioned your assessment.

"We will have to think of something soon, otherwise it will become obvious that something is wrong. He wont ignore your failing health for much longer. A mortal can't survive with a rotted soul for so long. Just as a sound soul relies on a sound mind, the health and wellbeing of your body and mind both rely on the stability of your soul." Maka flipped through a far smaller handbook, it was a DWMA pamphlet about reaping and she read aloud, "First you will become physically sick, then slowly you'll begin cutting ties from the people you care for and fall into a deep depression," Her eyes read one line about four times before saying, "Only then will your heart stop beating, dissipating your soul into nothingness."

That didn't sound like anything you wanted to go through, it sounded painful. More horribly it sounded like something that Asura would notice very quickly. He wasn't always the quickest in most situations, but he was very preceptive when it came to you.

"You said everything was on fire, right?" Soul asked, gaining the attention of the two women around him, "what if the fire is what's killing your soul? Maybe since he's got a Kishin soul it naturally attacks the innocent parts of yours."

Maka nodded in agreement. "That would make sense. Is there any way for you to enter his soul without Asura noticing?"

A cold guilt panged your heart. Yes, you could absolutely enter his soul, he'd never suspect a thing.

Maka and Soul exchanged a knowing look.

"Do some reconnaissance and let me know what you see in there besides the fire," the slender blonde appeared to be going down a list of diagnostics, "Tell me if you feel any worse when you return to your body, too. A mixed body like yours could last anywhere between six months to two years depending on the severity of your symptoms." Maka squeezed your upper arm reassuringly and Soul folded his arms, his expression tense, but affectionate. "Thank you for letting us in, when you feel comfortable with it you should really tell Kid what's going on as well. He might be able to help."

You already knew that. But you were completely dreading it. You now had to hide so many things from Asura that it was going to make you explode. Between the answers you were going to be receiving by the end of July to the new and mounting reasons to hide this bizarre ailment from your lover, there had never been so many moving pieces in your whole life.

There was only one thing you knew for certain. The last thing the world needed right now was for Asura to find out that he was the reason you were going to die.


End file.
